Trick or Treat?
Erstellt: 19.11.2010
Letzte Änderung: 19.11.2010
Letzte Änderung: 19.11.2010
nicht abgeschlossen (50%)
Englisch
682 Wörter, 1 Kapitel
682 Wörter, 1 Kapitel
Hauptcharaktere: Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha
When Naruto returns from a Halloween party he finds someone he didn't expect...
Fanfic lesen
| Kapitel | Datum | Andere Formate | Daten |
|---|---|---|---|
| Kapitel 1 Part 1 | E: 19.11.2010 U: 19.11.2010 |
Kommentare (2) 682 Wörter abgeschlossen |
Kommentare zu dieser Fanfic (2)
Hey there!
Congrats on doing what seems almost impossible on animexx - writing an English fanfic. I'm kinda glad, actually, that there is some decent stuff here and now you're one of the approximately 5 persons I know, that write English here. So yeah, keep going! ;P
While I hold in your favour that the text was really fluent so far and without any mistakes or awkard phrases I would be able to discover, I actually don't like the story. It's too chliche, really!
I'm not sure how many chapters you plan to write (though I guess about three or four?), but if you go for anything more than just lemon (not that I really mind then), you should at least get some plot worked in. It is a little strange that both of them go for each other so easily - if I may say so, because Naruto is too shocked to really tell.
Well, it seems more like fluff of some kind or a plaything at that. Like: why wouldn't Sasuke wait inside when obviously 1) it is cold outside, 2) he is a ninja and knows how to get into some things such as flats and 3) he has no sense of shame whatsover and would not be bothered by thoughts like disturbing Naruto's personal resort.
That screams 'not logical!' to me. Care to share?^^
Well, I guess, I like the idea of Sasuke in a black hooded cloak, it kinda fits him. Reminds me of Name of the Wind by P. rothfuss, if you know it. It has a mysterious air about it that I enjoy.
Well, I'm curious as to how you'll proceed from here!
Greets,
yama^^
Congrats on doing what seems almost impossible on animexx - writing an English fanfic. I'm kinda glad, actually, that there is some decent stuff here and now you're one of the approximately 5 persons I know, that write English here. So yeah, keep going! ;P
While I hold in your favour that the text was really fluent so far and without any mistakes or awkard phrases I would be able to discover, I actually don't like the story. It's too chliche, really!
I'm not sure how many chapters you plan to write (though I guess about three or four?), but if you go for anything more than just lemon (not that I really mind then), you should at least get some plot worked in. It is a little strange that both of them go for each other so easily - if I may say so, because Naruto is too shocked to really tell.
Well, it seems more like fluff of some kind or a plaything at that. Like: why wouldn't Sasuke wait inside when obviously 1) it is cold outside, 2) he is a ninja and knows how to get into some things such as flats and 3) he has no sense of shame whatsover and would not be bothered by thoughts like disturbing Naruto's personal resort.
That screams 'not logical!' to me. Care to share?^^
Well, I guess, I like the idea of Sasuke in a black hooded cloak, it kinda fits him. Reminds me of Name of the Wind by P. rothfuss, if you know it. It has a mysterious air about it that I enjoy.
Well, I'm curious as to how you'll proceed from here!
Greets,
yama^^
süüüüß!!!
Man ließt wirklich selten FF auf Englisch! ungewöhnlich, aber mal eine schöne abwechslung.
schwierig war die entscheidung in welcher sprache ich den Komi schreibe, obgleich er sehr kurz ist xD
ich bin schon sehr gespannt wie es weiter gehen wird" schreibe mir bitt eine ENS, wenn es möglich wäre.
lg und einen schönen Abend
Tshioni
Man ließt wirklich selten FF auf Englisch! ungewöhnlich, aber mal eine schöne abwechslung.
schwierig war die entscheidung in welcher sprache ich den Komi schreibe, obgleich er sehr kurz ist xD
ich bin schon sehr gespannt wie es weiter gehen wird" schreibe mir bitt eine ENS, wenn es möglich wäre.
lg und einen schönen Abend
Tshioni
