Live every day as if it would be your last one
Yuen, a sixteen year old boy, is talking about what he experienced one year ago.
„Live every day as if it would be your last one“ everyone always quote. Up until now I believed that it’s rubbish. That there’s no reason for me to think there won’t be a next day. Even if I would die tomorrow, I wouldn’t be able to feel regret, would I?
But then my sister got ill and had to move into the hospital. She had always a frail body, but nobody expected something like that. I visited her every day, talked to her, made her laugh, so that she would be the last person to get worried. I remember one conversation, every word I said and every word she responded. “Hey,Yuen. Why are you always wearing clothes in dark colours?” “Because they suit me.” “And why aren’t you wearing white?” “Because it doesn’t suit me.” “Heh? That doesn’t make sense.” “It doesn’t?” “No. See, I don’t think any colour doesn’t suit someone. You decide yourself what suits you and what suits you not, don’t you? And of top of that, I think white totally looks good on you, since white represents hope, mom told me!” “Well, is that so? Maybe I could think it over to wear white once in a while.” “You have to! He, promise me something.” “Yes?” “Next time you visit me, wear something white, ‘kay?” “I promise” I said, looking forward to the next day, seeing her smile if I turned up with a white shirt. But that next day never came. In the following night, she died. Her body could not bear her illness any longer. With my family I spend the last moments of her life with her together. I held her hand. Just once she opened her eyes, when I was talking to her so much, only nonsense, but I wanted to talk to her just a last time. When she opened her eyes, she said “I…thought it over, too. You don’t have to wear white. I like my black Yuen, too. I just want you near me. Thanks...for coming...again.” With that smile on her face, she fell asleep. Forever. And I was holding her hand, now wet because of my tears. I couldn’t hold them in any longer. I broke my promise, couldn’t fulfil her last wish. What a despicable older brother I am.
Two weeks later, I had to go to her funeral. Everyone was looking at me, but not because I was her older brother, no, because of what I was wearing. Between all those people in black, I was white. Wearing a white suit. I really looked like “hope” that day, in the midst of darkness.
“Live every day as if it would be your last one”. Now I truly understand what that means. “Your last one”, there can be many “last days” in your life. For example, the last day with a person you loved. I now know I was egoistic, thinking I won’t be able to regret anything, anyway. I didn’t even think that it would be the last day of someone else’s life. I was wrong. I regret so much. I haven’t told her so many things. I wanted to go with her on a trip, to the cinema, everywhere. I wish I could have seen her when she’s entering middle school, getting her first boyfriend and so on. Even if I’ll say to everyone, live life so that you won’t regret anything, I don’t believe anyone understands the true meaning if he hadn’t experienced something like this.
“Can you hear me, Imouto-chan? I’m wearing white today. And know what? I got compliments. It seems it really does suit me after all.”
