Love is a drug

Come home!

Chapter six: Come home!
 

What do I need?

She was standing in front of the shelf with milk bottles, staring at the white stuff for some minutes. Holding a little page she ripped this morning out of some magazine tight in her shaking hands. There were some scribbled words on the page, right next to a model and the receipt of a tomato salad.

We surely need something.

Michiru blinked again at the milk bottle, but the words Setsuna told her this morning while they made breakfast, where simply gone. Vanished into nothing. Just like a lot of things did during the past time. During the past three weeks, to be exactly. Since that evening when Haruka left.

Ruka...

Michiru gulped and tried to concentrate. But suddenly she couldn't read her own words any longer. So she just put some bottles of milk into her trolley, just because they looked nice there and filled the empty space that should be full my now. She had been shopping in the wall before. Together with her bigger sister, but today Setsuna had an important meeting with her firm and Elza wrote an important test the other day at school. So it was Michiru's turn to go shopping. At least for food and such important stuff. Michiru simply didn't have any nerves any longer to go shopping anything else. Sure, she needed a new jacket, her old one was slightly torn since the last attack of a youma. But somehow it didn't seem to be right. That she want into an expensive boutique while she didn't know where Haruka was.

She simply went away...

Since that night three weeks ago they didn't hear anything of her again. No phone call, no letter, nothing. Michiru stopped reading the newspapers, because she feared to see a well known picture there, besides a headline she surely didn't want to read. Setsuna instead started to read that newspaper. One had to read it, she always said.

Michiru could take this waiting for exact two days. Two long, very long days and two even longer nights. Hotaru was healthy again, so she did what most little babies did during their first months: She cried. Almost the whole night. Keeping them awake. Sometimes she needed new nappies, sometimes she was hungry. But most of the time, Michiru was convinced, Hotaru simply missed her mother and thought that she would return, the louder the little girl cried.

After those two long days and even longer nights, Michiru cancelled her orchestra completely, only went to school the hours she had to be, and stopped everything else in her life that wasn't important, just like swimming in her swimming pool, playing her violin for practice and drawing just for fun. Sometimes she even cancelled her sleep and kept out longer on the streets than Setsuna wanted her to be. Often they had arguments the past weeks, but Michiru didn't care. She hardly cared about anything these days, anything else than the blonde who run away, leaving them puzzled and confused behind.

Why the hell did she run away?

Michiru didn't only search for Haruka everywhere in Tokyo to take her come, she also did it to get an answer of that question, burning hotly in her soul. Of course it was clear if you read her goodbye letter. It would have been clear to a stranger who didn't know the Meioh family Haruka had lived with the past months. It would have been clear to a guy who had no idea about the operation, the mission and all those little adventures they went through in rainy nights. But Michiru knew. She could remember every second since she had seen Haruka at the car repair shop, looking so sadly at the closed door in front of her. That was one of the reasons why the sea green haired girl wanted to find her best friend back. Only one of thousands.

Michiru didn't pay any attention as she put some more packages and bottles into the trolley. She almost missed her change and some coins rolled over the floor. The cashier was busy to help her but Michiru hardly thanked her. She was already too deep in her thoughts that she only grabbed her bags and left the supermarket. Outside chilly wind welcomed her. She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed deeply.

Where is she now?

Last week it finally started to snow. Oh, how it started to snow. The whole city seemed to be buried under a thick, white blanket. A very cold blanket. The first homeless people froze to death during those days and Michiru feared that one of them could be her Haruka one day.

I can't search more than I do right now. I can't search more than ten hours per day.

Michiru yawned and slipped on the icy underground. She searched for hold but it was too late. Hard she fell on her back and needed some moments to be able to breathe again. One or two bottles smashed and there was some red fluid in the white snow. It took Michiru some moments to realize that it had been just one of the tomatoes she bought to let Setsuna make spaghetti.

Where's the cheese?

Michiru gulped and blinked away the tears burning in her eyes.

Can't I do ANYTHING good? I can't really take care of Himme-chan alone, I can't find her mother and bring her back, hell, I can't even go shopping food without destroying the half of it!

Michiru sobbed quietly and tried to get the remaining of their dinner back into the bag. It least it wasn't broken. Not very much.

Why the hell can't I find her? Why?!?!

"Everything alright?" Suddenly there were hands helping her up, knocking some snow off her slightly torn jacket and stroking it out of her messed hairs. "You should be more careful. It's quite slippery out here." There was a young man, merely a boy, kneeling in front of her, putting the still good looking things into her bag and lifting it up to her. Automatically Michiru took it and stared at him with big, blue eyes. He obviously froze like hell. His clothes were worn out and his shoes had seen better days, too. There was a greedy sparkle in his eyes as he looked to the paper back, knowing that it contained a lot of food. Michiru blinked and for a moment she saw Haruka standing in front of her. Just like she had looked on the picture Michiru found in the blonde's wardrobe some weeks ago. But just after a second the vision was gone and there was still that boy, clapping his almost blue hands and slightly hopping from one foot to the other one. There was a cap lying in the snow near the entrance door. There were some coins in it. Tiny coins.

"Are you okay, lady? It looked quite dangerous the way you..."

"Are you a beggar?" interrupted him Michiru directly and didn't even notice that her voice sounded sharper than she intended it to do.

Maybe he knows where my Ruka is?

Michiru winced as he suddenly spun around, grabbed is cap and ran away. With a pale face. It looked like someone being on a flight.

Is it forbidden to beg on a place like that one? Michiru blinked and looked for the split of a second back to the entrance of the supermarket, seeing that he had stood outside in the cold...

"Wait!"

Michiru put the paper bag down and turned around. With loud shouts she followed him over the parking space, crossing the street and almost through half of the inner city of Tokyo.

"Please! Wait!"
 

***
 

Impatiently Setsuna watched TV. Or better, zapped through the fifty channels at once, not even seeing the talk shows, the reports, the news, the movies and the shopping transmissions. Her eyes stared more at the clock hanging over the TV anyway.

Past midnight!

Setsuna yawned and took the blanket to cover a sleeping Elza. The red haired girl already slept a little bit in her bed, but then Hotaru woke up and cried because she needed new nappies and of course she woke Elza up as well. It was not very hard for Setsuna to stay up almost half of the night, she could sleep later. Or at least try to sleep a little bit more over the morning, Elza had to go to school. Just like Michiru who wasn't home yet.

Past midnight!

Setsuna stroked carefully through red strands and sighed deeply. Hotaru was satisfied after she got new nappies and because the little girl didn't want to sleep all alone in Michiru's room, Setsuna brought the cradle down and sat beside her on the couch to watch TV. To do anything that kept her from calling the police. She knew that it was no need to call the police since her little sister kept away that long more often during the past week. Since that very night, to be exactly. Elza tried to wait for the sea beauty, but after the first ten minutes of watching how to cook spaghetti with tuna and how you could use a bra to have a visible bigger breast, sleep overcame her. Setsuna let her sleep. It was the best she could did. Let her sleep and hope that there were Christmas vacations soon. Just one more week and they could celebrate the festival of love - knowing that it would be a total fake for Michiru who still searched for Haruka. To bring her home - the best before Christmas. The best before dawn would come. Like she did over the past weeks, ignoring that even she had to sleep.

Past midnight!

I'll kill her!

Setsuna groaned tortured and closed her burning eyes for a moment, feeling how Elza grabbed sleepily for her stroking hand and held it tight. Setsuna groaned again and shook her head. Of course she couldn't be angry with her younger sister. They all were shocked after Haruka simply went away - leaving Hotaru behind. No one had expected it. And even after reading parts of the so called goodbye letter, Setsuna still didn't understand why the tall blonde disappeared so suddenly. There had been no reason! Michiru wanted her to stay, right? Himme-chan was healthy again, right? The rest of the Meioh-family wanted her as part of their family, too, right? So why the hell did she leave?!?

Setsuna didn't understand it. She simply didn't know what happened in Haruka's head during that night. But the young woman knew that they had to bring her back. Maybe Haruka didn't want to stay here, maybe she wanted to have her own life, since it was clear that she wasn't the third senshi they were looking for. But for Hotaru's sake they had to find her. The little girl needed her mother - and Setsuna couldn't believe that Haruka was that cold, that cruel that she could leave her daughter for good - simply like that!

Something must have happened!

Setsuna was sure about it. Maybe Haruka didn't like the Meioh-family, maybe she didn't even like Michiru, but the young woman knew too well that Haruka loved her daughter more than anyone else on this earth. She fought so hard for her during the past months, she would have never abandoned little Hotaru without a good reason. Setsuna hoped that Haruka had a very good reason, because Michiru didn't look very happy whenever Hotaru started to scream in the middle of the night and they all were sure that it she had no hunger, no dirty nappies and that surely no growing teeth would bugger her.

What if we'll find her and she won't come back?

We can't force her, can we?

Setsuna sighed deeply and rose as she heard the front door closing. Silently she walked out of the living room and saw her younger sister bowing over her shoes. Her sea green hairs were messed and her face very pale. There were dark rings under tiredly sparkling eyes.

When we'll find Haruka and she won't come back, it'll break Michi's heaart.

"Hello, Michi." Setsuna came nearer and as Michiru looked up she could see fear there. For a brief moment. That her bigger sister could be angry with her, that they could argue about her times coming home, maybe even about the maths test she failed because right now there were more important things going on in her young life than silly numbers and calculations. The expression disappeared within a second and was replaced by tiredness and sadness.

"Hi, Sissy."

"It's quite late." Setsuna knelt down next to her sister and helped her with her shoelaces. Suddenly they were like two snakes which always escaped Michiru who was prepared to go to bed in her clothes, if she couldn't get rid of them. "And you have school tomorrow."

"Well..." Michiru yawned and shrugged her shoulders. "There was a boy and I asked him if he knew Haruka. But he didn't... and then... I couldn't let him stay like that." Michiru shook unbelieving her head. "Do you believe how stupid bureaucracy can be?"

Setsuna knew, but she wouldn't ask further. Not today. Whatever Michiru experienced today, it didn't contain Haruka's reappearance, so it could wait until later.

"I need to talk to you, Michi." Setsuna helped her sister up and took her left arm. The girl reeled visibly and stumbled. Just like Setsuna had done during the past weeks. Because of that bloody crutch. Mostly the young woman stumbled because of her crutch and so she dammed it very quickly and tried to live with the pain in her right leg whenever she did an illjudged movement. Just like now. Setsuna bit on her lower lip and helped Michiru upstairs into her room. There she let her sit down on her bed and knelt down in front of it - with some effort. But she wanted to look her sister into the eyes to be sure that she would listen to her words - or wasn't asleep at least.

"Your conductor called me up today."

Michiru made a tortured face and tried to unbutton the blouse of her school uniform.

"He needs you, Michi. You recorded that CD with him one week ago, right? Well, it's not finished yet. You promised him to record a CD where only you play the violin. Now the date of publication comes nearer and still your song is missing."

"He can publish it without it!" Michiru's voice was insensible and finally she managed to get out of her blouse. Freezing she searched for her night T-shirt under the blanket, but Setsuna held her back.

"Michi! Listen to me! I know it's not easy right now, but you can't simply cancel your life. You simply can't stop making music and drawing your nice pictures."

"Of course I can!" now Michiru's voice was stubborn. "He should search someone else. I had been his clown long enough!"

"Michi!"

"That's true. Instead of being in hospital with Himme-chan I went to record that stupid CD. What is it worth for?"

"To make the listeners happy, and to help little children like Himme-chan."

"Nani?"

"Half of the money goes to a children hospital in Nagasaki. Didn't you know that?"

"No..." Michiru gulped visibly and looked over to the place where normally the cradle stood. She knew that Hotaru slept right now in the living room or in Setsuna's sleeping room, so that no crying would disturb Michiru's sleep this night. The young violinist wanted to thank her sister. For so many things, just like baby sitting little Hotaru when she was at school or walking through the streets of Tokyo, for making dinner and caring for the baby, Elza and her. "But I already wasted a whole day in recording that CD while Himme-chan almost died!"

Setsuna looked sadly at her younger sister, then she sat down next to her and embraced her gently as the first tears started to fall.

"I hadn't been here for so many times when they needed me! Even at the first day when I brought Haruka here, I simply disappeared, because I had some bloody rehearsals. Surely she thought that I don't like her enough and ran away! Surely it's all my fault that she's gone now. And I can't find her. No where. I searched every where." Michiru cried and let her sister embrace her. It felt so good. So damn good. Although it wasn't anything compared to the strong arms she had felt just one week ago. When she looked into happy sparkling dark green eyes.

Before she went out to record that CD.

Before little Hotaru almost died.

Before Haruka simply went away.

"Michi..." Setsuna brought her sobbing sister nearer and rocked her softly. "It is not your fault, believe me. Everyone is free to decide. And she decided to go."

"No, she wasn't." Michiru shook her head and more tears escaped her burning eyes. "She has never been free to decide."

"Nani?"

"I told her that I would pay her daughter's operation when she would come with me and be Sailor Uranus." Now it was out. Finally out. The guilt that even followed her in her dreams, letting her waking up in the middle of the night, still shaking from the nightmare she just experienced. A guilt she couldn't bare any longer - not all alone. "She only stayed here because of that bloody contract. Later on when I had to see that she wasn't a senshi, but a really dear friend, I told her that I would pay the operation because of Himme-chan's sake, because I loved the little girl, but I have no idea if she believed me. Maybe she saw no other way when Himme-chan was healed. She knew she wasn't Sailor Uranus. Maybe... maybe she felt superfluous. And... and she only left Himme-chan behind... because she knew that she's Sailor... Saturn..."

Michiru's voice broke and her whole body shook. Setsuna held her tighter and gulped, blinking her own tears away. Suddenly a lot was more logical to her. Suddenly a lot of Haruka's actions she hadn't understand then, were crystal clear to her.

Oh Michi...

It was typical for Michiru to do such a deal. The senshi of the wind had been obsessed by their mission. Hai, Setsuna knew that her little sister would have done everything to find the third and the fourth outer senshi and to be able to find the talismans.

She would have even blackmailed a girl she believed to be Sailor Uranus.

Setsuna stroked gently over Michiru's hairs and back and tried to calm her down with soft words. Hai, Michiru would have done everything. Even to blackmail a young mother who had no other change than to take her offer. Setsuna had seen the love in Haruka's eyes whenever she fed little Himme-chan, whenever she took care for the little baby. Just like Michiru would have done everything for the mission, Haruka would have done everything for her daughter.

But Michiru changed over the past months. From one day to the other one she had to take care of a little baby and a mother who was still weak and ill from the hard birth and the months that followed. Setsuna didn't know all of Haruka's past, she wasn't even sure if Michiru knew it, but she could guess that there had been a lot of darkness in Haruka's young life before she met the sea goddess. Surely she had her own nightmares besides her daughter's illness and the fight against the youmas and suddenly Michiru had to deal with her, too. With a girl who had problems. With a girl that was so much like the girl Michiru had been herself, just eight years before.

Hai, the young violinist did change over the past months. Maybe she only brought Haruka here because of the mission, but the more time passed and the more happened with Haruka and Hotaru being around, Michiru didn't want them to stay because of the mission, but because they became friends. No, not only friends, but also members of the Meioh-family. Setsuna's parents were crazy about little Hotaru from the first moments they saw here and they wanted to help at the very instant. Even though they had important concerts to give they came here to baby sit little Hotaru.

Michiru's not the same she had been in September. Didn't Haruka notice? Didn't she see that everything Michi did for her, was because of their friendship? Because she loved the little baby? Didn't she see that Michi, that we all wanted her to stay? Didn't she feel that our feelings were true?

But obviously Haruka didn't. Maybe she had been to occupied with her little daughter who almost died, that she had no time to look around and see that a lot changed. Maybe she hadn't trust them, because she had been disappointed in friendship before? Who knew? Maybe Haruka didn't think anything at all and simply did a big stupidity? Everyone does a stupidity from time to time.

I hadn't seen Elza's feelings for so many years, although she tried to show it so clearly to me.

Maybe Haruka didn't think much and now she was too afraid, or too proud, to come back?

Setsuna raised her head and looked out of the window. It was snowing heavily outside.

Now she's somewhere out there. In the bitter cold. Maybe she's freezing right now? Maybe she misses her daughter? Maybe she wants to come back, but has no idea how we will react? Maybe she thinks that we are happy to be rid of her? Maybe...

Stop thinking like that!

Setsuna took a deep, shaky breath and let carefully her little sister go.

It's enough when Michi has such strange thoughts. I need to stay calm before our whole world sinks in chaos!

"Don't worry, Michi. We'll find her, okay?"

"But we already searched... for... for three weeks!"

"We'll find her, okay? And now you'll go to bed. It's past midnight and you need to sleep."

Michiru looked at her and it was clear that she hardly believed in Setsuna's words. But she was too tired to argue with her. So she put on her T-shirt and crept under the blanket.

Half an hour after Michiru fell asleep, Setsuna was still sitting at the rim of her bed, looking down at her smaller sister. Wondering what they should do. Three years passed already, Michiru was right. But Setsuna knew that she didn't want to experience such three weeks again.

We'll have to find her.

It was like the past year when they searched for Sailor Uranus. But then it had been completely different. They hadn't known the girl standing behind the shadow the stars showed them. Often Setsuna tried to convince herself that they didn't need the senshi of the wind, that they could finish their mission without her if they only tried hard enough.

Now the situation was completely different. They knew Haruka, or at least believed to know a little bit of her. And they needed her. Himme-chan needed her mother as Michiru needed her friend. Damn, they all needed her. Even Elza who didn't said it loud. But her reactions were clear. Whenever the phone rang she took it and looked slightly disappointed when someone else answered her. Someone else than Haruka. Every time the door bell rang, Elza winced and got pale. She didn't believe that Haruka would come all the way from Tokyo out here, but she knew that the police would. If something terribly would happen and they would find their address in Haruka's clothes, they would surely come. But mostly it was Michiru who forgot her key, as she often did during the past weeks.

Even if she doesn't need us, she needs her daughter.

Setsuna sighed and looked over to the now empty space. Right now Himme-chan slept deep and tight, but it was only a matter of time until she would wake up again and turn their nights into days.

We'll find her. No matter how.

Setsuna stroked carefully over sea green curls and looked sadly into her little sister's exhausted face.

No matter how.
 

***
 

Meioh Aiko just finished breakfast as the telephone rang. Her husband and she exchanged glances, both thinking of a little girl who had been very ill just three weeks ago. Although they trusted Dr. Sugara-san, they were still a little bit uncertain about the so called "wonder". Maybe they would see it that little Hotaru was really healthy over the coming years. But till then Aiko's hand would always shake a little bit when she would take the ringing telephone at home.

"Hello?" Her face brightened up, a certain sign for her husband that everything was fine with the little girl. "Hello Setsuna-darling. It's nice to hear you. What's up over there in Tokyo?"
 

***
 

Her conductor had been happy. The whole afternoon he looked just like he would celebrate the emperor's birthday, Christmas and New Year all at once. First Michiru didn't want to waste her time on silly rehearsals any longer, but the whole morning she had to think of Setsuna's words. While they wrote an easy English test, Michiru could only think of the children she could help with that CD. Of course she knew that she was famous in the world of classic music. Her parents were very famous and she recorded herself already some really good CDs, well, at least the critics found that they were good. Michiru didn't want to listen to her own music right now. It sounded so different from what she felt right now.

Surely she messed the whole test, but in the end of the lesson she took her cell phone and rang her conductor up. A CD with a solo piece by her would be more sold than without it. She knew it, her conductor knew it and the people in the record studio knew it, too. When Michiru left the school building three hours later, she knew which song she would use. It was a new song she just finished three nights before when she couldn't sleep properly. First her conductor looked sceptical. It was not the first song she played violin and sung by herself, too, but he surely had expected something different. In the end he was delighted and said that she should think of an own CD with only sung songs. Event he guys from the studio agreed. For them it had been a pleasant working since Michiru already had a lot of experience in recording CDs.

Although Michiru would have never said it aloud, it had been a pleasure to play her violin again. She didn't realize how much she missed it during the last weeks...

No, I have more important things to do!

Michiru held the instrument case tighter turned to the right. It was six in the evening, night already crept over the land. Little snowflakes danced in the streetlamp's light and everything looked almost peaceful. Hai, it was shortly before Christmas. The city's shop windows where decorated with little angels and thick Santa Clauses and red nosed reindeers. Normally it had been a happy time and little Hotaru loved all the different lights, the sparkles of the fake stars and the colourful Christmas trees. But this year Michiru simply couldn't be happy about this special time of the year. Of course she already had her gifts, for everyone. But she wasn't sure how she should give it to Haruka. How...

Michiru blinked and continued to walk through the snow. This year the snowfalls were so heavy that the white element couldn't even melt away in the inner city of Tokyo where normally now snow could touch the ground. Now the pavements were white and slippery and the cars had to drive more careful. For Hotaru it was a great time. She loved the snow flakes flying so lightly through the air and of course Orpheus tried to catch and to eat them all.

Sissy went shopping today.

It had been breakfast when Elza opened the fridge and wondered why they had no milk. Just then Michiru remembered the bag she put down at the supermarket's entrance and left there. First Elza looked very puzzled at her, then she shrugged her shoulders and declared that she would go shopping with Setsuna after school. Shaking her head she declared grinning that Michiru should take care, not that she left the house and her head still laid on the pillow. It could be different to drive without.

Michiru only smiled embarrassed. To mess up her tests, to forgot her house keys twice a day and to walk around for hours to search for her car she had to put on this parking space - or then on another one - was one thing. But to forget their food so that Setsuna and Elza had to stay hungry, that was a complete different thing. They shouldn't suffer because Michiru thought about everything these days. Everything expect her own good. Michiru knew too well how Elza could be when she was really hungry, and she didn't want Setsuna to handle a really angry red haired girl who only found a sausages and mustard in the fridge.

Michiru put her violin in the boot and sat behind the Ferrari's steering wheel. Carefully she started to drive and cursed slightly as the car slipped over the snowy ground. It felt like driving on an ice rink and not on a normal street. The windscreen wiper made a squeaking noise as they fought against the snow flakes and Michiru slowed it down a little bit. The heating was working but still she froze like hell. The lack of sleep made her body tremble and her eyes burning. But it was only six in the evening, no one expected her to be home before eight. Two hours she could use driving through the streets and staring at the pavements. It was an advantage for her that the street was so slippery, so she could drive slowly without hinder any car behind her. Maybe she was lucky? Maybe she would find her? Maybe she could bring her home and then enjoy Setsuna's mashed potatoes? While Elza would argue again that she didn't like sausages and that she preferred a stirred egg instead.

Michiru didn't wonder why Elza was there in the mornings to eat breakfast with her and a really, really sleepy Setsuna who took care of Hotaru later on. Michiru didn't wonder why Elza suddenly stayed over night, in Setsuna's room. Michiru didn't even wonder when she came down in the mornings to find them both sleeping on the living room's couch after a long night with Himme-chan, holding each other in a tender embracement.

When all this strange stuff would be over, when Haruka would be home again, when Michiru would find a clear thought again, then she would wonder why Elza was suddenly around almost all of the time. Then she would wonder why her older sister and her best friend suddenly did so much things together. Maybe then she would see that Setsuna and Elza were a couple now. Maybe then. After they found Haruka. After this total chaos would reduce again to the normal chaos they life had been before that night three weeks ago.

Maybe...

Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw the shadow standing on the pavement. Wearing very short clothes, especially for a time like this. The young violinist shortly looked around, recognising one of the darker, or better, redder areas of Tokyo. The first week Michiru didn't want to come here. She didn't want to search here, because when she would find her here, it would have meant that Haruka didn't learn out of the past. That none of her words she shouted at Michiru when the sea goddess took those pills were true. That she didn't mean any of them.

Nani...

Michiru braked and felt how the car slipped some more meters before it stopped finally. Some other cars drove slowly by, not noticing her. But the young woman seemed to have seen here. She came over to the silver Ferrari, stumbling visibly in her high heels.

Ruka...?

The door was opened and a young woman looked asking down at her. Her blonde hairs were messed and the short dress looked crumbled. She had dark blue eyes and was about ten years older than Haruka.

No, she's not Ruka.

Michiru didn't know if she should laugh or cry. If she should be happy or sad. So she only kept sitting behind her steering wheel, grabbing it hard with her hands, staring back at the young woman.

"... I asked you something, lady." The young woman looked around and finally sat down, closing the car door behind her. Sighing she held her hands before the heating and stretched her surely hurting legs. "Oh, that's nice warm!" she groaned and closed her coloured eyes for a moment. Enjoying the warmth of the car and the softness of the seat. Then she remembered Michiru who was still staring at her and turned towards her.

"So, what's up? Did you want something from me or did you just take a stop because the road's too slippery?"

"Oh..." Michiru blinked, then she leaned towards the young woman. But instead of doing any action the blonde seemed to have expected, she only opened the compartment to take out a picture.

"Do you know that girl? Have you seen her somewhere here? During the past three weeks?" asked Michiru and gave it to the blonde. Of course they had pictures of Haruka. This one showed how she fed her daughter while Orpheus sat by her side, looking begging up to her. Surely wanting something from her dinner that stood next to her on the table. But Haruka never ate before she hadn't fed her daughter. Even if it meant that they had to heat up her meal again.

"A cute baby." There was a dreamy look in blue eyes at the young woman looked at the photo.

"Hai, but I meant the older girl."

"I thought so." The blonde looked up, then she shook her head. "Gomen, lady, but I don't know her."

"Okay."

Michiru took a deep breath, trying to gulp disappointment and ignoring the endless relief in her soul. She wanted so badly to find her Ruka, but to be honest, she didn't want to find her here.

"Who's she?"

"A very good friend." Michiru took the photo to put it away again. Mentally she already drove through the other streets and wondered if she would see her, even she would be on a pavement, looking into a shop window or carrying a bag with food. It was winter, it was snowing like hell. Surely she wore the jacket Elza once bought together with her. Maybe she had her cap on, so there would be no hairs to see. Haruka could be every shadow on the street, looking thick in her winter clothes although she was extremely thin. Maybe Haruka was out there and crossed the street right after the silver Ferrari, so that Michiru couldn't see her? Who knew, maybe she entered the supermarket shortly after Michiru left it yesterday? Maybe she stood on the other side of the milk shelf and Michiru just didn't see her? Tokyo was big, it was only by chance that she would find her. If she was still in Tokyo. Maybe she already left it and lived now somewhere else in Japan? Japan was huge, where the hell should she start to search? Where...

"Hey, lady, everything alright?" The young woman looked uncomfortable as she saw the tears running over pale cheeks. Okay, she already answered the girl's question, it was obvious that the other one didn't want what her normal customers wanted, but the blonde didn't want to get out of the warm car so quickly. It was just seven in the evening, a long, terribly cold night was still ahead. Enough time to tremble in the snow. So she would use every second she got in that nice, warm car. Even if it meant talking to a stranger. Well, talking was better than the other stuff.

"No! Nothing's alright!" sobbed Michiru and hated herself for crying again. Crying didn't change anything, but she couldn't help it. Every time she felt miserable and so damn helpless, the tears simply streamed over her face. She wasn't a cry baby, but the last time she couldn't fight it. "I searched everywhere for her. Do you hear me? Everywhere! But she keeps disappeared!"

"Maybe she has her reasons?" said the young woman who knew that she would never return in that house again. A place that used to be called home, but never had been one for her.

"Oh, she has her reasons to come back! Her daughter needs her!"

"That had been her daughter on the picture? Woah! She's very young, isn't she? Maybe it was too much responsibility for her? I mean, to stand up in the middle of the night, to change nappies, to be always be there for such a small being..."

"Then she wouldn't have fought for her during the operation!"

"Operation?"

"Her daughter had been very ill and I guess without Haruka's will she would have never made it."

For a moment there was silence in the car and the young woman frowned. Then she searched in her pockets and produced a small handkerchief. She handled it a still sobbing girl.

"Arigato..." sniffed Michiru and blew into it.

"Who are you? Her sister? How did her parents react when she became pregnant?"

"I am not her sister, but my parents love their new grandchild and I am sure they like her a lot, too."

"So it can't be the disappointment of the family why she ran away."

"No." Sobbed Michiru, not even being aware that she talked to a total stranger about her private life. The other one was listening, the other woman had no idea what happened and she didn't say so nice words like Michiru's sister did. Setsuna tried to comfort her, this young woman just tried to find answers... and to warm her cold hands on the car's heating.

"We all like her the way she is. It's okay that she's such a young mother. We all are taking care for her daughter so that she can go to school and finish it. So that she can lead a normal life again!"

"Maybe that was too much for her? I mean, first the stress of becoming a mother, then the operation and besides school? Maybe the expectations of you and your family had been too big? Maybe too big for her to fulfil them? Maybe she left because she didn't want to disappoint you?"

There was again silence in the car. Michiru gulped and kneaded the handkerchief in her hands.

"She can't disappoint me, neither my family. We all love her!"

"Did you tell her that?"

"No, but she must know it."

"How? You said she's just a friend. It's different to be a friend or a member of a family. Guess she didn't feel or didn't trust her feelings." The young woman leaned closer to the heating and stared out of the window. "Why do you search her here? I mean, there are so many other places. The homeless homes. The orphanage for those who are under 21. The bars, the discos. The supermarkets, the cinemas. She could be everywhere. Why here?"

"Here's the place I met her for the first time."

The young woman turned her head and looked speechless at the girl. Then she blinked. And blinked again.

"She had been..."

"Guess."

"Then it's no wonder that she didn't know that she was loved by you and your family. Once you experience this hell out there you stop to trust anyone. You stop to believe in such things like love and family and hope." Her last words sounded very bitter and again she looked out of the window. "But she's not here. I know a lot of girls here, sometimes we go into a bar together to drink a hot tea or just to talk. She isn't one of them." She shook her head, watching the snow flakes flying down on the bonnet. "Search somewhere else, lady. She escaped this hell, right? Whoever is able to escape doesn't want to come back."

Michiru sniffed and nodded. Thinking over the words she just heard. From a stranger who didn't know Haruka nor her. A stranger who was right. She never said Haruka that she loved her, she never told her that she wanted her to stay, no matter if she was Sailor Uranus or not. She never told her that they all already thought of her as a member of the Meioh-family. How should Haruka knew it? How should she have known that she was welcome, even though she couldn't transform? She had experienced so much during the time before she got pregnant, surly she didn't tell Michiru everything. How could she know that it was real love Michiru gave her when she had felt so much faked love before...

Again tears ran over her cheeks and Michiru tried to wipe them away with shaking hands.

Surely Haruka thought that the contract was over when Hotaru was healthy and the blonde still couldn't transform.

What if she ran away, because she didn't want to be thrown out?

What if she left Hotaru behind, because she knew that she couldn't take care of a small child all alone?

What if she's somewhere out there, totally unhappy, but believing that she's doing the right thing?

What if...

Michiru sighed deeply.

That can't be!

Why not?

She could have talked to me about all this.

When? You've hardly ever been home. You had rehearsals and concerts. And when you had been home in the end, Hotaru needed too much attention.

"I did so much wrong..." whispered Michiru shocked and put the handkerchief finally away. "So much..."

The young woman watched her for some moments, then she shook her head.

"You love her." It was not a question. "That's never wrong. People are like that, lady. Sometimes we do things we don't want to do in reality. And sometimes we forget to say words, because we think the other one already knows them. It's easy to be misunderstood, lady. It's a typical human thing. Keep searching. I wish you luck. And once you'll have found her, tell her all those words. Simply like that. So that she knows what's going on and doesn't have to guess and wonder any longer."

Michiru rose her head and stared at her, wiping away the last tears from her burning eyes. Feeling how her headache increased.

"I wish I had someone like you, lady. Someone who loves me that much to search me for so long. When I would be that girl I wouldn't go again."

Michiru nodded thoughtfully and took a deep breath.

"Arigato for listening."

"No offence, lady."

The blonde opened the door and wanted to get out into the winter's cold, but she was held back by an icy hand.
 

***
 

Confused she sat on a soft bed. In a small, but clean room. In a warm room. Different sheets of paper laid in front of her. There was a contract about this room, the rent was already paid for the coming year. There was another contract, saying that she would go to the evening school right at the beginning of January. Just like there was a contract about a job. It was nothing special. She had to order files in a big, but noble hospital. Maybe it was a low job, it was paid good enough for food and clothes. And it was a solid job. In the warm.

The young woman blinked and held the papers with shaking hands. Still she didn't understand what happened during the past hours. She met a nice woman who seemed to be the owner of that house where they rented different rooms, then she met a nice doctor who always needed a helping hand with the files. Just one phone call and she was a pupil again. At the age of twenty seven!

Nani...

Under the contracts laid some more money. It was not very much, but for the blonde it was a little fortune. Deeply she crept into the warm coat the girl hang around her shoulders and swallowed hard.

It was a second chance someone offered her. Simply like that. There was a hard way in front of her, that was sure, but if she didn't do again such big mistakes, she could make it.

The blonde closed her eyes and for the first time in years she felt safe.

Hai, it was a second chance the strange girl offered her just some hours ago.

And she would be doomed if she wouldn't use it wisely!
 

***
 

Himme-chan stretched her small hands towards the snow flakes and laughed happily. Setsuna smiled and bowed to correct the blanket. Last week they bought a pram you could transform into a sports pram when Hotaru would be older. It fitted perfectly in Setsuna's car and every day she took a long walk with the little girl. At home she took Orpheus with them and they all enjoyed the rare moments of peace. Sometimes she could even convince Michiru to come with her. Those were the few instants when Setsuna saw her little sister smile, playing with Hotaru like nothing happened at all.

Now Orpheus was lying at home in front of the door, waiting for her to come home. Today Setsuna took the car and drove right to school. She knew that Michiru left in at noon to meet with her conductor and to search again the streets and the different places where homeless people got turn to, but she also knew that Elza had training until five in the afternoon and that she would be very happy to be fetched up.

Hope they'll have more luck than we have.

Setsuna talked for a long time with her parents over the phone and they decided to get the police involved. Now they had a photo of Haruka and Setsuna hoped that they would find her and bring her home. It was clear that they wouldn't find them by running along the streets, shouting her name. Maybe Michiru would really find her, but then it was sheer luck. Sometimes Setsuna joined Michiru, sometimes Elza did. But it was depressing to go home after four hours - without a result, without even the slightest trace.

Setsuna rolled the pram over the snowy path towards the gymnasium and raised her head as she heard her name.

"Sissy-chan!"

Elza's face brightened up and she let go her bag. Quickly she run through the snow just like she didn't have two exhausting hours of athletic training behind her, and jumped into Setsuna's arms.

"Hey, wild one. I am not such a good sportswoman like you." Smiled the young woman and held her tight for a moment. Then she let her down to correct her jacket, her scarf and her cap. But they were already messed again as Elza bowed over the pram and tickled little Hotaru who squealed with pleasure. A plush dolphin hit Elza's nose and the red haired girl had to laugh loudly.

"That's what you deserve for tickling her." Grinned Setsuna and corrected Hotaru's blanket again. It was senseless with Elza, but the little girl shouldn't catch a cold.

"And what do I get when I tickle you?" Elza's eyes sparkled and Setsuna's grin grew wider.

"What do you expect?"

"A big bucket full of chocolate ice cream."

"I talked of a punishment, not of a reward."

"But..."

"Well, I could bind you and then eat it all alone."

First Elza pouted, then she had to grin again.

"Afterwards you'll be sick. No, I need to help you with the ice cream. That's clear. No, you don't have to thank me for your help, I am doing it... iiiieeeeehh!!!" Elza screamed as Setsuna was suddenly by her side and slipped her hands under the thick winter jacket. Then the read haired girl started helpless to laugh.

"Sissy-chan... I.... I wanted to tickle you... not you... me..." she laughed and soon pleaded for mercy. For mercy and chocolate ice cream.

"What a NICE family."

They both stopped as they heard the ironic voice in front of them. Both looked up and saw Tamara standing there, looking sceptically at them. Finally she came over and stared into the pram, frowning at little Hotaru.

"Didn't know that your parents got another child, Setsuna."

"Oh, no. They didn't. They got a grandchild."

Tamara's look at Setsuna was so unbelieving that Elza regretted not to take a picture of the other girl's face. Surely she would have won every photo competition in the region with it. There was total confusion standing in Tamara's eyes as she looked from Setsuna to Hotaru and back. And then at Elza. The red haired girl sensed her chance. She embraced her girlfriend and gave her a short kiss.

"Hai, they are sooo proud grandparents, right, darling?"

Setsuna tried not to grin too openly and nodded agreeing.

"Hai, so damn proud."

Tamara blinked before she blushed deeply. Anger glittered in her eyes as she stepped away from the pram as if it was in standing in flames.

"You... you..." she stammered, not looking away from the two girls. From Elza she had always hated and from the young woman who was Michiru's older sister. Michiru whom Tamara had hated almost more than Elza. "You... You..."

"We are a couple, if you want to ask."

"And this... this..."

"This is Himme-chan we love a lot."

Elza's lips almost met behind her ears, she was grinning so wildly. Never ever she got Tamara speechless. Always the mean girl kept the last words, shouted brutal words at Michiru or her. Now she was standing there, not understanding anything, shaking in rage, not being able to say anything. Anything. It was only a small victory, because Elza knew that Tamara would always be her enemy. At least for the coming year until they would leave school. But this victory, just it be tiny and maybe even unimportant for Tamara, was a great satisfaction for Elza. Whenever Tamara would shout at her again, she would remember that blushed, shaking, speechless Tamara and feel better. Much better.

"Shall we go, darling?"

"Hai."

Setsuna took the handlebars of the pram while Elza picked up her bag. Together they left the yard, leaving a still stunned Tamara behind who wasn't even able to shout >baka<. Tamara couldn't do anything than staring behind them, seeing that she had lost. For the first time.

On the parking space Elza couldn't hold back her giggle. Grinning she put her bag into the boot of Setsuna's car and shook her head.

"I will never forget that face." She snickered and danced happily around Hotaru's pram. The little girl hardly wondered, her aunt was always like that. She only threw the dolphin after her and giggled, too.

"I don't want to be your enemy, Elza-chan." Smiled Setsuna and gave Hotaru her dolphin back. Then she looked around. It was getting darker, but she wanted to go for at least a small walk with the baby. Near school was a nice park and automatically she crossed the street to reach it. Elza followed her, still dancing and partly slipping on the icy underground.

"No, you are my girlfriend."

It sounded so great to say it aloud and to earn one of Setsuna's soft smiles and not one of her angry reactions Elza had seen so many during the past years.

"Is there a difference?" smirked Setsuna and stopped the pram as Elza embraced her. Deeply they kissed until a plush dolphin hit them.

"And, is there a difference?" asked Elza and gave little Hotaru her dolphin. Obviously the little girl wanted to see more than her aunts kissing.

"Hm... if you massage my shoulders this evening and make me a chocolate milk, then I'll think it over again."

"Blackmailer."

"No shoulder massaging?"

"Well... let's see."

They both smiled at each other before they continued their way through the snowy park. The icicle sparkled in the lamplight like little diamonds and the snow seemed to swallow every unpleasant noise. The cars of the streets couldn't be heard any longer and the silence of the place was wonderful peaceful. For some minutes they walked in silence, only hearing the snow falling down and Hotaru's giggle when she could catch a flake that was melting away quickly in her little hand.

"Michiru's at the opera?" asked Elza finally and searched in her jacket pockets for her gloves. Setsuna reached into the bag of the pram and handled them to her.

"You've forgot them on the table." Explained Setsuna and bowed to pick up Hotaru's dolphin for the fifth time. "Hai, Michi's at the opera. It's the first time she asked to give a concert. Normally other people ask her to play."

Elza raised her head and looked up to the grey sky. The snow falling down to her looked like thousands of stars falling to earth. It remembered Elza slightly of Star Trek, a series she had loved when she had been little.

"That concert for homeless people seems to be very important for her."

"Hai."

"I wish I could help. But you know how bad my piano play is. And I am sure that no one wants me doing some aerobic at the stage."

For another moment there was silence until Setsuna stopped.

"You help a lot, don't you know? You take care for Himme-chan, you cook, you even tried to tidy up the house. Right now Michi's a little bit occupied with other things and you are a great help when I am simply too tired to get things done."

Elza nodded and sighed deeply.

"But it's not the same. I mean, nothing that I do will bring her back." Elza stirred with her shoes in the snow and looked suddenly very small. Small and sad.

"It does, Elza-chan. You are taking care of Himme-chan, Michi's searching the streets and I am in contract with the Tokyo police departement. That's all we can do right now, Elza-chan. But don't think that it's less you are doing." Setsuna looked directly into blue eyes, saw the dark rings there.

"But during the..."

"Maybe it didn't help yet, but we have to be patient. I am pretty sure that we will find her. Or that she'll come back from all alone." Setsuna smiled sadly and took Elza's hand as she pushed the pram again forward. "Haruka can't live without her daughter."

Elza nodded silently.

She wanted so badly to believe in Setsuna's words. So badly. But sometimes even she did fail.
 

***
 

She stood in front of the shop's window, looking longing at the cradle. But she didn't see the furniture. She saw a picture in her mind. The picture of a little girl, laughing at her. Lying in her arms and drinking her milk. Sleeping in such a cradle, holding her plush dolphin tight in her tiny hands.

Himme-chan...

Deep green eyes sparkled as a gloved hand touched the glass.

Himme-chan...

Determinedly the girl forced to turn away. With shaking hands she picked up the paper bags she was carrying and hurried down the slippery street of Tokyo. Soon snow had covered her footprints, left no trace behind that she had really been there, in front of the shop for baby clothes and furniture.
 

***
 

Elza danced through the whole kitchen, preparing a delicious meal. And a delicious meal meant a lot of ketchup for her, just like no meat. So she was making spaghetti. You could hardly burn it, they could only get too soft. Then you just put ketchup over it and a lot of cheese. Easy to make, delicious to eat.

Michiru was still out. Elza didn't know whether she was in the opera, getting everything ready for her big concert the next weekend or if she was looking for Haruka in one of the big apartment houses where she hadn't looked before. Christmas would be in one week and the nearer that festival moved, the more busy Michiru got. Of course she was asked to give some Christmas concerts as well - some even together with her parents, but she only decided to give that big concert for the homeless people and one big concert together with her parents. The homeless concert would be next weekend, the Christmas concert on Christmas Day.

It'll be sad concerts if we won't find Haruka until then.

Elza sighed slightly and looked up as Setsuna entered the kitchen. She had been working in her computer room and looked exhausted. Sometimes Elza wondered how Setsuna could manage all this. While taking care for her little sister and especially Himme-chan, she often prepared their meals when Elza had training and Michiru was at the opera or somewhere else. Setsuna went to bed after them, often waking up in the middle of the night to feed little Hotaru when it was her turn, and then she was up again before them to make them breakfast. She searched for Haruka, too, in her own way and stayed in contact with her parents and the police. And between all that chaos she was working for a computer firm.

I wish I could help her more...

Elza watched how Setsuna rubbed tiredly her redden eyes and looked curiously into the pots.

"Ah! Spaghetti!" she smiled and gave Elza a short kiss on the cheek. Then she sat down at the already set table, not knowing if her little sister would eat this evening with them or if they had to put her meal into the fridge again.

"Hey, you always ate it!"

"Of course. I eat everything you do." Setsuna remembered the fiasco of Elza making stew last week and added quickly: "Almost everything." She yawned slightly and frowned as she saw the CD lying on the table.

"What's this?"

"Oh, it's Michi's new CD. The one she recorded with the orchestra last month. It came with the post today and I laid it on her place so that she can listen to it when she comes home." Elza explained and decided that the pasta was ready to be eaten. Her stomach growled silently and so she put the food quickly on the table. Soon two dishes were filled with white and red hills but Setsuna didn't start to wolf down her meal just like Elza did. She only stared at the CD, remembering the discussions she had with Michiru about it.

It's only a normal disc. No one who looks at it, no one who listens at it really knows what stands behind it. While it was recorded, a little girl almost died. Her mother ran away. Michiru almost went insane.

Setsuna turned the CD over and over in her hand and finally rose.

She only did it for the children. So that more people will buy the CD and donates money for them.

The young woman knelt down in front of the CD player and put the CD into it. First there was classic music. Of course. It was a classic CD recorded by a classical orchestra. They played something of Beethoven and something of Bach. Setsuna wasn't so interested in that old music, she didn't know the titles. But they seemed to be very popular, because she could hum the melody.

"Don't you want to eat something, Sissy?" Elza came after her. Automatically she bowed and put the plush dolphin back into Hotaru's arms who was sleeping deep and tight in her cradle. Orpheus laid next to her and only looked sleepily at Elza. There was no sausage on the table, no need to get excited and to leave his nice warm place near the couch.

"One moment..."

"You can listen to it later, Sissy." Elza begged, but stopped as she heard Michiru's voice coming out of the CD player. It was not the first time that Michiru recorded a CD, but it was for the first time that Michiru sang. She had a nice voice. A very sad voice as Elza realized. She was playing her violin very slowly and singing very sadly next to it.
 

"Every finger in the room is pointing at me.

I wanna spit in all their faces

Then I get afraid of what that could bring.

I got a bowling ball in my stomach

Got a desert in my mouth

Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now."
 

Elza frowned and looked over to Setsuna who listened the same confused. It wasn't a song they knew, it seemed to be a real new song. If Michiru would have told them that she would sing and not only play, they would have expected her to sing a classical song, maybe one out of a famous opera, just like Aiko did. But they wouldn't have expected her to sing such a song.

Not such a melody.

Not such lyrics.
 

"I've been lookin' for a saviour in these dirty streets

Lookin' for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets.

I've been raising up my hands

Drive another nail in...

Just what God needs

One more victim..."
 

"Nani?"

Elza knelt down next to Setsuna and put the music a little bit louder. Hotaru made a disturbed face, but didn't awake.
 

"Why do we crucify ourselves?

Everyday.

I crucify myself.

Nothing I do is good enough for you.

Crucify myself.

Everyday.

I crucify myself.

My heart is sick of being

I said, my heart is sick of bein' in

Chains"
 

Setsuna opened the booklet and searched for the lyrics. For the rest of the song she stared at them, suddenly understanding the meaning of that song and why Michiru had chosen it and not a classical aria. The young woman bit on her lower lip, but couldn't hinder that tears sparkled in her dark eyes.

Damned!
 

"Lookin' for a saviour in these dirty streets.

Lookin' for a saviour beneath these dirty sheets.

I've been raising up my hands

Drive another nail in...

Where're those angels

When you need them...?"
 

Wordless she handled the booklet to Elza as the last refrain was sung and died slowly away. The red haired girl gulped and got pale.
 

"Why do we crucify ourselves?

Everyday.

I crucify myself.

Nothing I do is good enough for you.

Crucify myself.

Everyday.

I crucify myself.

My heart is sick of bein'

I said, my heart is sick of bein' in

Chains..."
 

Elza wince as Setsuna switched off the CD player at the middle of the next music piece. It was a classical one.

"There's a lot we don't know, huh?" she suggested, still staring at the booklet in her slightly shaking hands.

"But there's a lot Michi knows." Whispered Setsuna, crossing her arms before her chest. It was a protective gesture. Forgotten was their dinner, getting cold in the kitchen. "Guess that's why Michi searches her so hard..."

Elza nodded, folding the booklet and putting it finally away.

Hai, we'll have to find her. Soon.

Crucify...

Music by Meioh Michiru.

Lyrics by Tenô Haruka.
 

***
 

"Hello, Miss. Please wait. It looks like you lost something."

It was late in the evening, nevertheless Taromoto, a young police man was in a good mood. The weather looked like more snow, but that meant that there would be white Christmas. He was off duty during the holidays and wanted to make a snow man with his little nephew. A cute little boy of nearly two years. Hai, next week there would be Christmas, time to see the whole family again. His sister and brothers, his parents. He couldn't wait it and no matter what would happen during the coming week, it wouldn't change his mood. His colleague groaned often when he had to grin and to buy some more gifts during lunch break, but he didn't argue any longer who made the coffee in the office and who went out in the bitter cold to give some tickets to guys didn't even park on the right place when the ground was so slippery.

Now Taromoto was running behind a girl who was wearing two big paper bags and just lost a small package of sugar. Surely she was getting all the ingredients for making cookies. With a lot of cinnamon. Just like his youngest sister always did. Simply delicious those cookies!

"You lost your sugar, Miss."

Finally she turned around and looked at him with her dark green eyes. Her cheeks were redden, surely from the rough wind, but her face was very pale. Maybe she caught a cold. Many people sneezed in his police department and he wondered why he had been so lucky this year that he didn't even freeze.

"Arigato." She put the sugar back into one of the bags and wanted to turn away. Wind howled through the street, played with some strands that had escaped her cap. Blonde strands.

Nani?

He frowned and could remember a similar picture. A picture he just had seen some days ago. There had been a similar girl on that picture. Blonde hairs, green eyes, the same heights. Well, you couldn't see under the jacket, but she surely was thin by the way her face looked. The girl on the picture had smiled and played with a big dog. That was why he remembered that picture so well. His bigger brother had a dog himself which looked the same like the one on the photo. The girl standing in front of him didn't smile.

"Just wait a moment please, Miss." He said and went back to the car. Without letting her out of his eyes. He could see how she held her bags tighter and felt visible uncomfortable.

"What's up, Taro?" asked his colleague and old friend as he opened the car's door.

"Just let me take a look at that girl again. You know, the missing one whose older sister or friend is searching for."

"The one with the dog?"

"Hai."

There was the sound of the computer working and the wind howling. Finally the photo could be seen on the small monitor. Taromoto shortly turned away from the girl and looked at the photo again.

No doubt. That's her!

"Miss? Are you Tenô Haruka?" As he looked up again to talk to the girl and to bring her to his department, the girl was gone. The place where she had stood just some seconds before was empty. Only some traces in the snow showed Taromoto that she had been really there.

Nani?

The young police man raised his hat to scratch his forehead. Frowning he looked around, but all he could see were empty streets and snow flakes swirling through the air.

I didn't hear her running away.

He gave his partner a signal and slowly they drove through the inner city of Tokyo. Although they drove more often than necessary through the streets of this region, they didn't see the girl with the two paper bags again.
 

***
 

"You look tired."

Elza stepped through Setsuna's sleeping room and knelt down behind the young woman who sat on the big bed. Normally Setsuna was able to keep order in her rooms. At least better than Elza. But today the floor was covered with clothes. This evening Michiru would give her big concert in the opera and Setsuna wanted to come with her. Elza offered to stay at home to baby sit little Hotaru. The red haired girl only smiled at Setsuna's protests and said that she didn't like classic music that much and that she would surely fall asleep and embarrass the whole family. Setsuna didn't argue any longer. She was thankful, because she wanted to see her sister play, just like her parents wanted to see their daughter play.

"A little bit." Admitted Setsuna. Now she was wearing her dark green evening dress and had put up her hairs. She looked really beautiful and Elza would have rather grabbed her and dragged her into bed, but she knew that this could wait. Until later. The way Setsuna looked, a lot later.

"Please, try not to snore too loud, okay?" giggled Elza and gently started to massage Setsuna's shoulders. The young woman groaned agreeing and closed her eyes.

"Okay." She whispered and smiled as she felt Elza's soft lips on her own after some really nice moments when the smaller girl massaged her aching muscles.

"Sissy? I can't find my violin!" The door was pushed open without a knock and Michiru stood in the room. Her hairs surely had been brushed, but now they looked messed. She already wore her dark blue evening dress, but she was still barefoot. A thick book of notes flew through the air as Michiru waved excitedly her arms, although she never played with notes on a stage. She was too good to need any.

"I just put it on the table ten minutes ago and now it's gone. Simply like that!" Michiru was near tears as she spun around and stumbled out of the room. "Please, Sissy, Elza, you need to help me find it!" came Michiru's tearful voice from the corridor. Shortly after that they heard a bang and Orpheus' surprised whimper.

"Her violin? That brown instrument she uses to play?" asked Elza, still staring with big eyes at the door.

"Hai."

"That's still lying on the kitchen's table. I've seen it there maybe five minutes ago."

"I am pretty sure she only searched in the living room."

"That could be a point."

Both couldn't look away from the door, both couldn't move. Elza still held Setsuna tight while the younger woman frowned deeply. They heard another bang and now Orpheus was barking.

"I pray that Haruka will come back soon."

"Hai."

"Michiru didn't even notice that we kissed."

"Guess she had, but guess she has more important things working in her head right now."

"You didn't tell her that we're a couple now, right?"

"When, Elza-chan? When?!"

"You're right."

Another bang and now Hotaru's terrified crying accompanied Orpheus enthusiastic barking.

"Guess we should get up and help her."

"Hai."

"Before she's destroying the whole house."

At that moment the telephone started to ring and made the chaos to be perfect.
 

***
 

Today is Christmas.

Michiru walked through the crowded streets of Tokyo. People were hurrying by, but the young violinist didn't even notice them. Carefully she pushed the pram over the slippery ground and tried to ignore the pain in her heart. She tried it in vain. Today was the festival of love. Her parents would come, just like Elza would be there. Everyone would be happy. Only Michiru would be sad, knowing that she was the only one of her family who had to be alone. Okay, the others were there, too. Surely they were nice, they were her family. But it wasn't the same. It just wasn't the same.

Hotaru giggled as she tried to catch some more snow flakes. It was noon and Michiru decided to go for a walk with her. But not in a park or at the beach. The silence, the peace would have driven her crazy. Here in the inner city of Tokyo was more action. Hai, Michiru was surrounded by strangers being in hectic to get the last Christmas presents, but here in the crowd she didn't feel so alone. Here she didn't have to stare at an empty bed all the time. Here she didn't have to look again and again at pictures of a laughing blonde, holding her daughter proud in her arms. Here she didn't have to read Haruka's goodbye letter, containing those sad lyrics, again and again, wondering why she let all this happen. Why she didn't see it coming. Why the hell she hadn't told Haruka all her feelings earlier and asked her to stay with her. Together with her daughter...

Setsuna had a meeting with her computer firm, but assured them to be back in time while Elza helped the Meioh parents to decorate the living room and to take care of the Christmas dinner. Goose for the elderly persons and some vegetable especially for the red haired girl. Michiru didn't know if she could eat something in the evening, if she could open her gifts and sing some Christmas songs with her parents without breaking out into tears. Knowing that one gift wouldn't be opened, that one place at the table would stay empty.

Today is Christmas.

And I am feeling like the end of the world...

Michiru sighed deeply and pushed the pram forcefully over a small hill of snow. She slipped and almost fell down, but she could hold her balance in the last minute. Slightly she cursed and leaned against a wall to close her eyes for a moment. She felt exhausted and empty. The concert for the homeless people was a great success. It cost her a lot of nerves and everything seemed to go wrong until she finally stood on the stage and gave an excellent show. They earned even more money than they had expected and Michiru had the feeling at least done something good this Christmas. Even if it was like a drop on a hot stone, someone had to make a start and to help.

I am feeling so damn tired...

Michiru couldn't remember the last time she slept. She really slept a whole night straight through. No, it wasn't Hotaru's fault. Good, the little girl cried a lot, especially during the night. But Michiru was sure that even without the little girl's interruptions she wouldn't have been able to get more than two or three hours of sleep after another. Too many nightmares were haunting her down. Nightmares where she saw Haruka, lying dead in a dark street, being murdered by a beggar. Surely it had been a good idea from Setsuna to ask the police to search for her, too, but Michiru almost got an heart attack when she answered the phone and a police officer named Taromoto called her up. Her first thought had been that they found the body of a blonde girl and they had to identify for. It took Setsuna a long time to calm her down and to explain her who this officer really was and what he really did for them.

So damn tired...

Michiru yawned and tried to go back to the parking space. To drive home and to get a nap of sleep before Setsuna would return home. But suddenly the world spun around her and she reeled over the pavement. The pram stumbled over some more snow hills and almost she lost the control over it. Darkness waited at the rim of her eyes as she held on it and could hinder it to roll right on the icy street where the cars passing by had their own problems with steering.

Himme-chan...

Michiru's heart raced and she gasped for breath, but the little girl only laughed and waved her little dolphin. Not knowing that she had been in danger just some seconds before.

Himme-chan...

Michiru's blue eyes sparkled and she scolded herself for being so stupid. When did she sleep for the last time? When did she have her last proper meal? The young violinist couldn't remember. It seemed to be an eternity ago. No, she wouldn't help anyone by becoming ill. Hotaru needed her. And if she wanted to find Haruka, then she had to think of something else. Driving the whole night through the abandoned streets of Tokyo didn't bring her Ruka back during the past four weeks, so it wouldn't bring any success in the future. She had to become sober again, sober from all that mourning and self-pity!

That's so easy to say...

Michiru took a deep breath and looked around. She was now in one of the quieter areas of Tokyo. Still there were a lot of people passing by, but most of them were on there way home. No one stopped, most of the shops here were already closed.

I need to sit down. I can't go to the parking space, I can't drive the car in this state of body. I would harm Himme-chan in making silly mistakes and maybe even causing an accident.

For a moment she thought by calling her parents up, but then she decided against. Everybody was already concerned enough, she didn't want to shock them.

There was a small, Italian restaurant at the corner. It looked nice from the outside and Michiru decided that it was time for a small snack. Surely after a hot tea and something to eat she would feel better. Maybe they even had something for Hotaru to eat. Some baby mash or some milk.

Just an hour, then I will feel better.

"What do you think, Himme-chan? Looks perfect for us, right?"

Hotaru laughed happily and Michiru had to smile sadly as she bowed over her goddaughter to stroke over redden cheeks.
 

***
 

Lucini, a well-fed man around the forty, liked his restaurant. It was an Italian restaurant where he offered meals just the way his dear grandmother had always made back home in Italy. When he had been young, he went off to see the world and fell in love with the nice country surrounded by the wild sea. Just a little bit like his home country. So he stayed and opened a restaurant. The people here liked it, mostly the restaurant was full with happy, laughing people. But today the big rooms were almost empty. It was Christmas and everyone would eat at home. Normally he could have closed his restaurant, but Lucini was a hard working man. He only closed his restaurant every Tuesday to clean it and on holidays. The first official holiday of Christmas was tomorrow and so he wouldn't close his restaurant before midnight. But he sent home a lot of his workers so that they could celebrate Christmas at home with their families. Right now only one waiter was left beside him. Well, those people who would come in here today surely didn't want something special. Lucini was a good cook for Italian food, but he had to admit that he would fail to make a Japanese sushi, even after twenty years of living in Tokyo.

"Lad?" He just entered the kitchen and looked frowning at the new waiter he just employed last months. He was sitting there and reading in a thick book. As always when there was less to do. Normally Lucini didn't like books and he didn't like people who did something else beside work, but normally the young man did what you told him and today there wasn't really anything else to do. The dishes were washed, the table were cleaned and the room was swept.

"Where's Antonio?" he asked. Twice. Because the young man first didn't seem to hear her?

"His wife called him up. His little boy is ill and they need to see a doctor."

"I hope it's nothing dangerous."

"No, just a flu."

"So you took his hours instead? I thought I'd send you home an hour ago."

"Well... hai."

"Okay." Lucini looked around and shrugged his shoulders. "There are not much guests out there, we'll be able to handle this restaurant alone, right?" He smiled, feeling a little bit uncomfortable. The young man was a good worker, he did what you told him and never complained. Not even when Lucini forgot to buy enough eggs and sugar and send the young man to the next supermarket to get the missing ingredients. Walking at least half an hour through the icy snow storm outside. But nevertheless there was something about him that made Lucini shiver from time to time. His calmness, his indifference when a customer was rude to the sweeping boy, his reactions whenever anyone tried to ask him about his family. Today was Christmas, all of Lucini's workers wanted to go home, at least a little bit earlier to celebrate this festival together with the family. This young man didn't look like going home. Maybe there was no family waiting for him?

Lucini frowned, but knew better than asking questions. They wouldn't be answered anyway.

The little bell above the door rang and he went back to the main room of his restaurant to welcome his second customer this day.

Haruka watched him for a moment. Then she lowered her head again and tried to understand the complicate book she read right now. It had something to do with Japanese history and she remembered all the things her history teacher told her about the tall samurei during the few months she had been allowed to go to school again. One day she wanted to go back to school, to finish school and to be able to find another job, a better job than sweeping a restaurant and doing the little jobs a cook or a waiter would never do. Oh, she tried to get registered at one of those evening schools, but right now they were all full. Some tests would start in February and when she was good enough, maybe they would take her even during a running school year. For that test she had to be good, no, she had to be the best. So she was learning as much as she could, whenever she could. Her boss, Lucini-san, was very nice and understanding. He was never angry when there was nothing to do and she sat down in a quiet corner of the kitchen and opened a book. Sometimes about biology, sometimes about Japanese history, grammar or literature, sometimes about mathematics.

Hai, Lucini-san was a very nice chef. It was by chance that Haruka came to his restaurant. It had been slippery outside and one of his waiters fell down with all the fresh tomatoes and the cheese and broke his right leg. The blonde had been there and helped to bring in the vegetable and took care of the unhappy man until the ambulance arrived. Shortly after Lucini asked her if she needed a job, because she helped so quickly without expecting anything and so she got a job. It was not the best job, but the colleagues were nice, she had one meal free per day - the way Lucini cooked it was enough for her for the whole day - and she could pay her small flat with it.

I get along with it. In February I'll start school and then I'll show Michiru that I don't need her money. That I don't need her fake sympathy. I am able to get my life under control again without her help!

Haruka chewed on the pencil she was holding in her hand and sighed deeply. For one moment she closed her eyes and fought against her inner feelings. Hell, it was Christmas! The festival of love.

Himme-chan's first Christmas...

And she wasn't there for her daughter. Instead she sat here, in a small restaurant somewhere in the inner city of Tokyo and stared into a history book!

>Haruka did a lot of mistakes. She got pregnant at a very young age. She couldn't take care of Hotaru the way she should have. The way she finally could do here.<

Again she heard Michiru's merciless voice in her mind. The way she had heard it so often during the past weeks. Whenever she was alone in her small flat, staring at the ceiling half of the night, not being able to find sleep or even a little bit peace.

I couldn't take care of Himme-chan. I had been a bad mother, Michiru had been right. So damn right! Without her help Himme-chan would have died long before I would have earned enough money to go to a good doctor. Without her help, Himme-chan would have never got a new heart, because she would have been on the bottom of the donation list. Without Michiru breaking into the hospital room and finding out that Hotaru belonged to the outer senshi, Haruka would have killed the little girl.

There had been a fifty percent chance and I switched off the machines!

Haruka chewed harder on the pencil and put it finally away. It broke in two halves under her fist.

I did so much wrong. So much...

But she believed that she could visit Hotaru again when she could prove that she was worthy to be Hotaru's mother. And to be worthy meant for her to be able to take care of herself. Hell, when she wasn't even able to take care for herself, how should she ever be able to take care for her daughter, too?

Himme-chan...

Haruka gulped and turned the page. Fighting against the tears burning in her eyes. She missed her daughter so much. Her little sunshine who saved her life for so many times. Each time when Haruka wanted to give up, when she doubted at herself and life in general, Hotaru had laughed and showed her that there was still a good reason to live, to hope, to be happy, even if it was only for a short moment.

No, she couldn't imagine her life without her Himme-chan. Almost every night she woke up, looking shocked around with big eyes, because she didn't hear her daughter breathe. Often she ran through the whole flat, trying to get to the phone and to call the ambulance... until she remembered that little Hotaru wasn't around. That she was still with Michiru and that she was surely happier there than she could have ever been in the small flat. No, Haruka couldn't take care of her properly. Lucini-san was very nice, but surely even his understanding would end when she would bring a little baby to his restaurant and to baby sit her while she had to work. Haruka didn't earn enough to pay a nursemaid.

Himme-chan...

Haruka didn't want this day to end. She didn't want to leave the restaurant. She didn't want to sit in her small flat and staring at the emptiness in it. But she knew, she had no other choice. Hai, sometimes she considered to go back. To walk along the beach to the big house and to ring the door bell. To ask for Hotaru. She wanted so badly to see, to hold her. But on the other hand she knew that she wouldn't be able to go again once she would have held her daughter tightly in her arms. So she didn't go back to the house but tried to work as long as possible and to be occupied as often as Lucini-san had something to do for her.

I can't go back.

Haruka turned the page again without understanding one word of the previous one. But the pictures were nice. Of a brave man who defeated a whole army just to save the emperor.

I am not brave. Not at all.

I am coward who ran away. Again!

Haruka shook her head, some strands of her blonde hair fell in her eyes and she stroked them away. Together with two tiny tears. She wanted so badly to go home, but the same time the voices in her head held her back. The memories of the conversation she had heard by chance between Michiru and her older sister.

They don't like me, they don't need me. They live better without me. Just like Himme-chan...

Haruka turned the page again and tried to focus again on the words. So many words, so meaningless to her, but at the same time so important. She needed to remember them. All. For the test in February. She needed to get into that school to find a better job. So that she could prove to Michiru and Setsuna that she was worth to be Hotaru's mother. To show them that she didn't need their bloody money. Nor their damn sympathy.

Michi...

Haruka had hoped so much that Michiru was different. Different from all the guys out there, the nurses in hospital, the doctors in white coats, looking critically at her.

>It's okay.<

Did she mean it? Did Michi mean it the way she said it? Or had she been just an incredibly good actress?

Haruka didn't know. She didn't dare to go back and ask. Probably the answer she would have got would have made her heart ache even more. Hell, she fell in love with that sea green haired girl. But obviously Michiru didn't love her in return, otherwise she wouldn't have said all those things to Setsuna. Otherwise she wouldn't have went to a stupid rehearsal with her orchestra shortly after they made love...

Made love? We had sex, that's all. See it, before it hurts even more.

Even more?

Haruka closed the book and took a deep, shaking breath. It was no use to sit here and mourn. It was Christmas, that was right, and it was going to be the worst Christmas of her life. But that was not Lucini-san's problem and it was surely not his customer's problem. She should try to nice and to think about her personal catastrophe later this day. Much later!

"Lad?"

Lucini came into the kitchen. He looked a little bit nervous. Surely someone ordered traditional Japanese food and the second cook of the restaurant who was able to cook it went home some hours ago. Haruka raised her head and looked attentive up to him. It didn't matter to her if he thought of her as a boy or a girl. Lad was a nicer name than whore or junkie. Together with his warm, always a little bit giggling voice he accepted it. Probably it was even easier to work here when everyone thought of her as a boy. Surely the cook would be shyer with his naughty jokes once he would find out that she was female, and she liked his jokes too much to miss them in future. Sometimes they were the only thing she could laugh about for days.

"Hai, Lucini-san?"

"Do you know anything about children meals?" The Italian cook waved his hands to the ceiling and looked a little bit sad. "Mama mia, there's a guest out there with a little child and she wants something for this bambino to eat. Antonia already went home and I have no idea what a little bambino would eat?"

Haruka needed some moments to understand his strange Japanese and the little Italian words he could never hold back when he was excited, then she nodded. She knew that Lucini was married happily, but she also knew that his wife had never been able to give him any children. So it was clear that he didn't know what a small child would eat. You couldn't give it a pizza, right?

But Haruka knew what a small child would eat. Damn, she knew it too well!

"How old is that child?"

"Oh, it's a very small bambino. Maybe half a year or so. The mother wanted some mash."

"Okay." Haruka rose and searched shortly in the kitchen. During the past weeks she got to know where everything was. Lucini-san knew that she couldn't cook very much, she wasn't employed as a cooker anyway, but for little tasks she was good enough. Just like preparing salad or making ice cream. She couldn't burn ice cream, could she?

"So you know what to do?"

"Hai."

"Lad, gracias!" Before she could react, he had grabbed her hand and shook it wildly. "You saved my life!"

Haruka only smiled embarrassed, then she started to make the mash. An apple mash, just like the one Hotaru had liked so much. There had been times when no one bought that instant mash for her and she had to see how to get Hotaru full. Even a very small child couldn't drink milk for too long. Little Hotaru had loved that mash. With a little bit sugar and milk.

Himme-chan...

Haruka bit on her lower lip as she fought with the apple and the grater.

"Did you have little sisters and brothers that you know so much, lad?" asked Lucini who was always very curious. He turned around while he took care of the young woman's meal, but all he could see was Haruka's back. Sometimes he wished to know more about this employer, but he couldn't force him. That would have been impolite. And Italian people were outgoing, that was right, but they were very polite. At least his grandmother had always told him that lesson, and he would never dare to call her a liar.

"Kinda." Marbled Haruka and opened the sugar box. Some moments they worked in silence until Haruka's mash was finished.

"Here. I hope it's okay this way."

Lucini looked at it, then he smiled.

"It looks good and smells good. As long as you didn't confuse salt with sugar, the little bambini will surely like it." Shortly he observed Haruka, then he nodded. Her clothes were clean, her hairs brushed. "Take that apron there on the wall and bring it out. I need some more moments with the spaghetti."

Haruka stared at the apron with the big pizza and Lucini's name written all over it, then she shrugged her shoulders. It was Christmas, no one would be rude to her today. At least not when Lucini-san was in such a good mood. She took the apron and the mash and frowned deeply.

"What are you doing, Lucini-san?" she asked and watched how he put mustard over the spaghetti. A lot of mustard, instead of tomato sauce.

"I am just trying a new receipt." Joked the Italian cook and laughed. Then he good serious again and looked a little bit helpless. "Our guest is our king, right?" That was another lesson his grandmother told him. She had indeed been a very wise woman. "So we don't ask much if our guests wants spaghetti in mustard sauce. We only prepare it and serve it, so that our guests is happy."

Mustard sauce?

Haruka frowned. She knew someone who loved it to eat everything with mustard. Everything, even cake. That had been the one day when Setsuna almost freaked out and wanted to throw all mustard away. It had been a real effort for her to make such a delicious cake and all Michiru did was to put mustard on it. Just like Elza asked if the eggs of that cake had belonged to happy chicken. Haruka could remember that scene too well. She had laughed out loud, although she didn't want to upset Setsuna even more. But the young woman wasn't angry about her, instead she had to look at her crazy family and had to join her laughter.

Even the memory of that afternoon made Haruka smile as she entered the big room of the restaurant, holding the little bowl with the mash in her right hand. On a tray. Well, she was not born to be a waiter, but Antonio showed her some tricks and someone who only waited for his dinner and not for a five star menu would be satisfied with her serving him.

Haruka greeted an old lady who was always here at noon, taking always the same meal and the same tea and turned towards the table where she expected the young mother with the surely hungry... how did Lucini-san call it?... little bambino.

The old lady stopped her tea in mid air, as she heard the breaking of glass. She turned her head and saw that the young waiter lost the balance of his tray. But instead of bowing and picking it up with some forgiving words on his lips, he only stared at the young woman sitting on the table. His green eyes grew wide and the old woman could see that the young woman got pale, too. The old woman put down her tea and leaned back. This looked like a good entertainment in her normally so boring day.

Michiru?

Haruka didn't feel how the tray escaped her hands. She didn't hear the crash as the bowl smashed on the floor. She didn't see how Lucini came out of the kitchen, wiping clear his hands on his apron and cursing under his dark brown moustache. The blonde only stared at the sea goddess sitting at the table, looking with the same shocked expression in her eyes at her.

Himme-chan...

Haruka gulped and her whole body started to tremble as she saw the little girl sitting next to Michiru in her child's seat. Playing with her plush dolphin. Smiling proudly at it.

Haruka?

Michiru raised her head in surprise as she heard the crash of smashing class. For a moment she stared at the blonde, standing next to her table. For a short second Michiru asked herself if she was seeing ghosts. If it was the lack of her sleep that she saw Haruka here. Wearing the restaurant's apron. Looking with big, green eyes down at her.

I searched her everywhere and she is here? Here?!?

Michiru blinked, still not able to judge if it was reality or just a dream. Did she fall asleep while she waited for her lunch? Did she wish so much to find Haruka before Christmas that her mind punished her now with illusions?

"Michi?" This one word, spoken by a terribly hoarse voice was enough for her to decide that the tall blonde in front of her could be real. Well, and if she wasn't, what could she lose? Her insanity? Didn't she lose that a long time ago?

Michiru didn't think any longer. Quickly she rose from the table and embraced the tall girl before Haruka even had the slightest chance to react. The smaller girl squeezed her so hard that Haruka had some difficulties to breathe normally.

"Shimatta! Where have you been, you baka?" Michiru dissolved the embracement for a moment and looked deeply into still widened green eyes. Haruka didn't seem to be able to answer. She only stared at her. Speechless, motionless. "I was concerned like crazy!"

Michiru remembered all the hours she spent on the street, searching for the blonde. She remembered all the nights she tried to calm a crying Hotaru down who only missed her mother. Too well she remembered all the fears, all the desperation, all the sorrow's they all went through during the past four weeks.

"You baka!"

Michiru raised her right hand and slapped Haruka on her left cheek.

"Do you have any idea what you did to us? What you did to Himme-chan? To run away like that!" Before Haruka could touch her burning cheek, she gasped for breath again. Michiru's arms held her even tighter than before. The smaller girl trembled and tears ran down pale a pale face.

"I was so damn concerned, Ruka! I feared to never see you again! I searched whole Tokyo. Over and over and over again, but there was no trace of you!" sobbed Michiru and it looked like she would never let go again. Never.

She was searching for me?

She?!?

Haruka frowned, staring motionless down at Michiru, then at little Hotaru still playing with her dolphin, and back again at the sobbing girls holding tight to her body.

Nani...?

"Not even the police was able to find you. No one on the streets knew you. You seemed to have disappeared. Hell, Ruka! I was out of my mind!"

The police searched me because of Michiru?

Haruka frowned, slightly remembering a nice police officer who wanted her to stay. But she grabbed the bags with the sugar and other ingredients for Lucini-san and hurried away. There were still some unsolved crimes out there she had committed two years ago. She didn't want to go into prison because of them and so she didn't trust any police men. Hai, she had done a lot of mistakes during that special year, but she suffered enough for them.

"Damned, Ruka! Why did you do that? Why did you ran away?!" Michiru wasn't noticing the Italian cook standing there, staring with opened mouth at them. Just like the old woman whose tea got slowly cold.

"Why?"

Haruka's face hardened as she looked into tear filled eyes.

Is that another trick of her? Is she really such a good actress?

Why did she look for me then?

Why is she crying then?

Tactics?

Shut up!

"Because you don't want me. You said to Setsuna that you wanted to keep Hotaru, because she's that fourth senshi, but that you didn't want me." Answered Haruka finally and looked away. Still feeling soft arms around her body. Now they disappeared, let her breathe again.

"Nani?"

What's that for a nonsense?

Michiru shook her head, but one look into Haruka's tortured face showed that the blonde meant her words. Worse, that she even believed in them.

"I am not blind, Michiru. You need Hotaru for your mission, but you don't need me. So why to keep me? I have no money, no education, no job. I can't transform, I can't even cook! I am not a senshi, I am a bad housekeeper and a damn bad mother." Haruka stepped backwards and wanted to turn away. "I am sure that you like Hotaru a lot. She feels safe with you. But you don't have to take a burden like me just because you think you have to. I don't need you sympathy!"

That young woman had been right!

Michiru gulped as she heard the cruel words. Words she had hoped Haruka wouldn't think.

She was a total stranger, didn't know Ruka nor me, but she was right! Because of my stupidity not telling Haruka all those things she didn't believe in by herself. Not any longer...

Michiru's hands shot out and grabbed for Haruka's arm.

"That's not right." She whispered, blinking away some tears from her watering eyes. "That's not true, Ruka!"

"Not? Would the first time." Haruka's voice was cold, but her eyes sparkled treacherously, too.

"No, it's not! Don't you see, that we all need you, Ruka? As a friend, as a family member and as a mother? Sissy and Elza are concerned like hell and Himme-chan cries half of the night without a real reason. She missed you. We all missed you!" Michiru's hands hurt, but she wouldn't let go. Once she did and the following weeks had been the worst in her life. Worse than those hours in her childhood, worse than her rude father, her drunk mother. Worse than the time she spent near a station until she crashed into young Setsuna and her family who helped. Who gave her a home. Who gave her a family.

Those days Michiru tried to escape people who never liked her. Even if it had been on the cold street that summer, everything got better. Better than a shouting father, better than a reeling mother.

These days Michiru almost lost a loved person. That was worse. Much worse!

"We need you, Ruka. We all need you."

"No one needs someone like me." Replied Haruka. Her answer came so quickly that Michiru saw that she thought about this topic often before. Maybe too often. Believing the lies some people might have told her. Maybe it was easier to believe in those lies than to fight for reality...

"I do, Ruka. I do, because I love you." More tears streamed over Michiru's face and she pushed Haruka back to the table. There was a really shocked expression on Haruka's face. An unbelieving one.

That young woman had been so damn right!

How could Ruka know? I never told her my feelings aloud. Never...

"I really love you, Ruka. I want you to come back with me. I want you to live with me, together with your daughter. Please, Ruka, don't go again. Please. It's alike to me if you are that senshi or not, it's alike to me what you did in the past, just come back. Please." Michiru sobbed again. Surely no one at school would have expected her to be able to beg this way. For them she was the noble, distant, a little bit arrogant rich girl of famous parents. For them she was a princess, never needing to ask for something when she could demand for it. But they all weren't important for her. Not, not them. But Haruka was.

"Please, Ruka... don't leave us again..."

Nani?

Haruka needed some moments to understand Michiru's words. Speechless she stared at Hotaru who seemed to have noticed her right now and stretched her little arms towards her. Michiru embraced her again and Haruka only hesitated only for a moment, then she put her arms around the sobbing girl and held her tight in return. Burying her face in sea green curls.

"You mean it, do you? If not, tell me now. I... I am not able to lose my family for a second time."

"Of course I mean it."

Lucini watched them for some more minutes in silence. Then he blew into his handkerchief and put it away. This was a Christmas like he expected it to be. The festival of love where all mistakes, all sins were forgiven. His grandmother had always made a big pot of noddles and celebrated with the whole family. Hai, that had been times. Back home, in the old days.

Lucini smiled happily and went back to the kitchen to do the greatest thing there was in life - besides kissing his wife of course - cooking pasta. Half an hour later he came back to the table. His youngest worker was sitting there, holding the baby tight in shaking arms. His eyes were redden, but there was such a happy smile on his face Lucini had never seen before. It warmed the Italian cook's heart. The young woman beside the two talked with a soft voice. She was smiling, too.

"Happy Christmas, you two." Laughed Lucini and put a big bowel on the table. "Happy Christmas."
 

***
 

"Sissy should be home, soon."

Elza helped to set the big table in the living room. Setsuna's father was a well known pianist, but he always put the cutlery on the wrong places. Aiko stood in the kitchen, taking care of the Christmas dinner. The tree was already sparkling in all lights of the rainbow, since Elza didn't want a silver or even grey looking tree, that was too boring for her. Some little packages laid under it and the red haired girl forced to look away. Otherwise her curiosity would have been too big and she would have opened her gift before the time.

Elza's grandparents were still on a journey across the Pacific ocean and were very sorry that they couldn't be home in time. But for New Year they wanted to be back in Japan. Elza wasn't that sorry. Of course she loved her grandparents, but she spent so much time with Setsuna and her family so that it was natural for her to celebrate Christmas with them, too.

"Just like Michi."

Aiko came out of the kitchen, holding a spoon in her hand. Orpheus didn't leave her side the whole day. Patiently he was staring at her hands, and especially the meat in her hands, hoping that something meaty would fall down for him. Aiko only laughed and wanted to say something as the front door was opened.

"Sissy?" Elza's shout could be heard through the whole house.

"No." That was Michiru's voice. For the first time since that very night it didn't sound tired, sad or even desperate. It sounded... happy. "It's us."

It's us.

US.

Elza pushed the last dish very hard on the table, jumped over the couch and was out of the room even before Orpheus could react. A wide grin appeared on the sportswoman's face as she saw the blonde standing there. Right beside Michiru. Haruka just had enough time to handle Hotaru to Michiru before she was knocked over by a crazy giggling Elza.

"You are worse than the dog." Snickered Michiru. That sound was like music in Elza's ears. Like damn good music.

"Great to see you again, Haruka." Laughed the red haired girl and helped the blonde up. "Welcome home."
 

***
 

It was past eight in the evening when Setsuna came home. She was tired, but satisfied with the result of the meeting. They accepted her programme, although she had no idea how she managed it to run fluently. The past nights when she worked on it were only a blurred vision in her mind.

Elza's right. I should get more sleep.

Carefully she put down her notebook case and stretched. Of course the colleagues of her firm wanted to have a little Christmas party and it was impolite to go too early. So she stayed until half of the people were already gone and wished them all nice holidays and speeded home.

Mommy and dad are already here.

She had to smile as she saw the car in the drive. Her parents were very busy people and she was happy about every chance she got to meet them. To celebrate with them.

Hope they'll like my gift.

Setsuna yawned and slipped out of her shoes.

I wish Haruka could be here...

The young woman sighed and went over to the living room where she could hear voices. Michiru's car was in the drive, too, so she considered that it was better to celebrate with her parents than spending the whole night in the cold, searching abandoned streets.

At that moment she heard the laughter. Loud, happy laughter. Orpheus came out of the room and sat down in front of her to be petted. Surely he already got enough food from Aiko and they had to put him on a diet after the holidays.

Laughter?

Happy laughter?

Here?

Setsuna frowned and entered the living room, Orpheus being right by her side. Hoping that she would give him some more of that delicious smelling goose.

They were all sitting on the couch, looking into thick books. Family albums as Setsuna recognized after some moments. Surely showing some embarrassing pictures of Elza and Setsuna being small children or of Michiru playing her violin with closed eyes - and Orpheus trying to reach and to eat it. It took them some weeks to get him used to it. To let him understand that it didn't harm Michiru.

Haruka...

She was sitting there, too. Right between Michiru and Aiko. Holding a sleeping Hotaru tight in her arms. Her cheeks were redden and her lips were curved in an amused smile as Aiko turned the page and they all burst out into laughter again.

"That's not so funny." Protested Elza and tried to hide the picture with her hands. She blushed deeply and shrugged helpless her shoulders. "I couldn't know that it was so intensive paint you couldn't get rid of just by water."

"Hai." Giggled Michiru and grinned diabolically. "You looked the whole week like a clown."

"And you had to take a photo of it! That was mean!"

"Just like your photo..." Michiru looked up and quietened. Then she smiled at her older sister. It was such a happy, such an honest smile, it was the best Christmas gift Setsuna could get this year. "Hello, Sissy."

"Sissy?" Elza's head jerked around and the next moment she stood next to Setsuna and looked begging up to her. "Help me, Sissy. They are mean. They are looking at my old photos!"

"Did they already see the one when you wanted to paper the guest room but took the wrong glue and ended up as a ball of wallpaper?"

"Oh, you aren't any better!"

"I never said that!" Setsuna grinned and went over to the couch to set down in front of it. "Hello mom and dad." She said, then she looked at Haruka in silence. Finally she smiled again and stroked over Hotaru's fluffy hairs.

"It's good to have you here again, Haruka."
 

***
 

Angry baby crying woke her up in the middle of the night. Haruka opened her eyes and yawned. Surprised she stared in the darkness. It was the first time that her daughter screamed. The memory of an ill girl, whimpering whenever she was in pain still made her shiver, but those times were over. Now Hotaru was healthy - and the way she sounded surely hungry.

"She's so loud." Whispered Haruka happily and smiled as she felt two arms around her waist. Michiru yawned, too, and didn't want to stand up yet. They went to bed late after midnight and the sea goddess looked really tired.

"She's crying every night. Hope you are prepared for your greedy daughter." She marbled and blinked as the light was switched on. The tall blonde watched her girlfriend for some moments, then she bowed down and kissed her tenderly.

"I am prepared, Michi-chan."

Haruka rose and went over to take her little princess in her arms. To live the dream she dreamed for so many months...

"Now I am, Michi-chan. Now I am."
 

***