It's not fair!   von _Shary_
                           (Jyushimatsu x Ichimatsu)
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                                  Kapitel 1: 
                                  -----------


Even now Ichimatsu could hardly believe he'd ended up in this situation. It all
began on a Saturday five weeks ago when all their brothers were out and their
parents on a weekend trip, leaving only him and his
only-by-a-few-minutes-younger brother Jyushimatsu alone in the house. Well...
looking back now, it wasn't like there hadn't been any signs before. Amongst all
brothers him and Jyushimatsu had always been particularly close, but that didn't
prepare him in any way for what happened on that fateful day.

It was unfamiliarly quiet in their house, which was usually filled with noises
from everyone's laugther and banter all around the clock. But now, when
Ichimatsu returned home from his usual stroll around the neighborhood to spend
time with the local cats, it was peacefully quiet. Osomatsu and Karamatsu had
gone to the local horse-racing stadium, Chorormatsu had said something about a
newly opened idol shop and Todomatsu was probably hanging out with some girls
with no chance of a relationship. And Jyushimatsu- Jyushimatsu had been feeling
sick and was lying unusually calm on the couch in the living room. It wasn't
like Jyushimatsu's fever was especially grave. Besides, the others had already
made Karamatsu buy antibiotics at the local pharmacy for him, so there wasn't
anything to be worried about. Having to spend the whole day inside even though
it was finally sunny outside after many days of rain had put him in a bad mood.
Until some hours ago their second eldest brother had been taking care of
Jyushimatsu, but he was soon persuaded to accompany Osomatsu to the stadium. By
then all the others had already left the house. 

When Ichimatsu passed the living room to grab a drink from the refrigerator, he
heard Jyushimatsu's voice calling him, disturbing the rare silence. 

"Ichimatsu-nii-san!" 

The third youngest brother halted and went to the living room to look for his
brother. Jyushimatsu was now sitting on the couch with a blanket curled around
his body. He was looking at him somehow accusingly. 

"Ichimatsu-nii-san! I'm cold!" 

Ichimatsu returned his gaze with a helpless expression. His brother's stare was
demanding, as if he wanted him to do anything about it. But what was he supposed
to do in a situation like this? Maybe Jyushimatu's fever was more grave then he
had initially thought. Fuck! Why was he now of all times the only sibling in the
house? One of the others probably would have had an idea how to handle an ill
person. But he of all people wasn't the right person when it came to comforting
or helping others. 

"Ahh...uhmm...", he stumbled, his voice hoarse because he was using it for the
first time today. He was already feeling the stress building up inside him from
being confronted with this enervating situation when fortunately Jyushimatsu
interrupted him. 

"Come here!" 

So Ichimatsu obeyed and sat down on the couch next to his brother hesitantly.
 
"I'm still cold!", Jyushimatsu stated in his usual simple matter-of-fact tone.
"Why did you leave me alone? That's mean! It's so quiet! I hate that! And it's
cold." 

Now that he mentioned it, Ichimatsu also noticed it. It really was colder than
it normally was. Well, of course it had to be, because the others weren't there.
More people meant more bodies radiating heat. On top of that Jyushimatsu was
sick. He shouldn't have left him alone and he was feeling truly sorry for it. 

After some time he managed to say: " Sorry..." 

"Nah, it's okay. You're here now!" It seemed his brother had already cheered up
a bit. Upon that Ichimatsu cracked a little smile. He was relieved the situation
had resolved quickly. 

"I'm still cold though." 

The slightly older one didn't even have a chance to reply this time because
Jyushimatsu had already dragged him down into a tight hug. 

"Wha- " 

Lying half on top of his brother, Ichimatsu realized how warm Jyushimatsu felt
even though he had stated he was cold. He could also smell the other's unique
scent. Wasn't it odd that they all smelled differently even though they had the
same genes, lived under the same roof and used the same washing powder? 

Thinking about it, he couldn't remember the last time being so close to anyone.
It must have been when they were still children. Most likely it had been with
Jyushimatsu as well, because back then they used to hang out together quite
often. Had he actually missed this? Closeness, feeling the warmth of another
person, hugging-
 
That's when something inside him clicked. He couldn't say why; it was probably a
knee-jerk reaction because of the unfamiliar situation, the stress that had
built up and most probably because he really was a psychopath just like everyone
always said. But in the end it all came down to one thing and that was: he
didn't think at all at that moment. They were close, too close. Jyushimatsu's
warmth, his funny smile, his lips... He had leaned in to his brother and kissed
him. Only for a few seconds, until the realization kicked in and he pulled back
immediately, but he had done it. His heart was probably racing faster than any
horse his brothers had seen all day. 

A million possible excuses for what had just happened popped up in his mind,
reaching from "Sorry, I was feeling dizzy" to "I heard that in some other
country it's a tradition to warm people up like that" and Jyushimatsu being...
well, Jyushimatsu, would have probably believed him. But before he could even
open his mouth to say anything his brother sat up, grabbed him by the shoulder
and kissed him back eagerly and all the things that had been tumbling through
his mind just a second ago were washed away in a heartbeat. 

And that's how it had all begun. Ichimatsu made Jyushimatsu swear never to tell
anyone about it, no matter what. At first it felt like a thrilling adventure to
hide from their family whenever they happened to repeat their secret intimacy.
But as time passed the thrill was lost and it became more and more of a nuisance
having to hide every single time. And it wasn't like they could ever change that
sitiation. After a while Ichimatsu had come to accept his strange relationship
with his brother. He hated society anyway, so he didn't give a shit about their
morals. The fact that he was a scumbag and didn't fit into society's standards
was something he'd already accepted a long time ago. But still, for
Jyushimatsu's sake, who enjoyed going out and meeting other people and who was
respected as a good sportsman, he couldn't allow anyone finding out about what
they were doing. Ichimatsu couldn't even say what kind of relationship he and
Jyushimatsu had because no words or titles seemed to be fitting for them and
maybe that was okay because it was good the way it was and words were
unnecessary.

Now he was home alone, waiting for Jyushimatsu to return from a morning baseball
match. It was the first day since that particular Saturday five weeks ago on
which they would be alone for several hours. Their parents were out for dinner,
Todomatsu for a gokon, Choromatsu left for an idol concert, Osomatsu went to a
pachinko bar and Karamatsu... well who knew what he was doing but he wasn't at
home. The thought of getting to enjoy some time not just without the majority of
his annoying brothers but with Jyushimatsu made Ichimatsu embarrassingly happy.

So when the door finally opened and Jyushimatsu stood in the genkan, beaming him
a wide smile followed by a "Tadaima! Did you wait for me, Nii-san?", he returned
his smile and even hugged his younger brother, which was a rare thing for him to
do.
"You missed me so much! Hehe. I'm happy!" With that, Jyushimatsu lifted him up
as if he was a bag of groceries and carried him inside the house.

"O-oi..."

But he didn't protest.
 
-

Just a short while later they were sitting on the couch in the living room,
snuggled together side by side, with a single blanket wrapped around both of
them. There was a funny show on TV with a large group of people participating in
some kind of obstacle race while often running against walls or bumping their
heads, which lead to them tripping and falling down in huge numbers, making them
look like a bunch of stupid ants. They both loved this show and laughed whenever
some idiot ran into a wall. It was very cozy and enjoyable. Ichimatsu really
liked evenings like this. Too bad it rarely was as peaceful when everyone was at
home. Someone was always quarreling or there was a fuss over what to watch on
the TV. With just Jyushimatsu it was different. If he could just spend more days
like this, at least with Jyushimatsu close by his side, he'd be a lot calmer and
ignoring some of the quarreling might be less stressful. But he was denied that
kind of life. They were denied their happiness – if such a sappy thing
actually existed.

"It's kind of... unfair..."

The words slipped from Ichimatsu' mouth.

"He-? What is?" Jyushimatsu sligthly tilted his head with a questioning look.

"You know... us... having to hide... and stuff... being born as brothers..."

Jyushimatsu turned round to look him into the eyes. His eyes were sparkling.

"But I don't think so! It's very good! You were always there with me from the
moment I was born! We were always together!", he declared, his voice full of
conviction.

Ichimatsu's eyes widened. He'd never thought about it like that. "You... really
think so?"

"Yeah! And I never want to be without you! I love you, Ichimatsu-nii-san! I want
to stay with you forever!"

The older brother felt a single tear run down his cheek.

"Me too."

*~* End *~*

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