'Cause that's what matters   von dunkelbunt
                               ('book preview')
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                            Kapitel 1: deep waters
                            ----------------------


You walk in and you look good and you know it, of course. It’s not like you
need other people to tell you this, but they do it anyway. Sometimes, you say,
you wonder if that’s the only thing people’s minds can come up with when
they see you.

This is Bastian, by the way, you say. You don’t know if if matters, but
sometimes you have the feeling that it matters, so you tell people. His name’s
Basti and he’s your best friend and you’re his and you’re best friends and
it matters. It matters a lot.

You sit down and you’re charming, ‘cause that’s what you know best.
Besides singing, you mean, you say and you laugh, since that’s not what you
actually do. You don’t sing, you scream and make noise and get a shitload of
money for it, due to the fact that people tend to think it’s good noise. You
don’t say that, it’s Basti who does, but you agree straightaway. You’ve
reached that stage in a friendship where you can insult each other without
getting offended many years ago. Decades even. 

As he seems to be more interested in his mobile and the M&M’s on the coffee
table it’s you who talks the most. He puts his two cents in every once in a
while, but that’s it. You don’t interact a lot, but for the simple reason
that you don’t and still seem to unterstand each other perfectly, people can
see how close you actually are. The whole best friends cliché that others get
jealous of.

However, you’re here to tell a story. A story of another story, a story
you’ve already told. What’s he got to do with it? Well, you say, you’re
the storyteller and he’s the hero. It’s the story of the story of your life,
but whenever you want to tell about your life it starts and ends with him.

Your teenage years, growing up at your uncle’s house, falling in love, forming
a shitty band and growing big, strong and successful. Experiencing the downside
of rockstar life and all that goes with it, addictions, cold turkeys, breaking
hearts and getting your heart broken. And he’s always there by your side, even
if you don’t want him to be. As your friend, your support, your drummer, your
babysitter, the true ‘good noise’ in your life.

These are those kind of things, you say, you only tell others when you’re
drunk or on drugs. But you’re not on drugs right now, you’re not allowed to
anymore, so you’re sober. You only needed your best friend’s foot up your
arse and a splittered heart to realise you couldn’t go on like this anymore.

So, that’s when you decided to write a book, you say. That was three seconds
before you realised that you can’t write and that people who can’t write
shouldn’t be thinking about writing a whole fucking book. But so what, you
thought, you say, you’ve got money and there’re millions of others you can
pay for putting your ideas on paper.

But then you thought, fuck that, if I’m gonna write a book, I’ll write it
myself. ‘Cause when you’ve got something to say ‘bout your feelings, then
no one else than yourself should be writing about it. ‘Cause then they’re
not your feelings. They’re someone else’s put in your mouth. 

That’s what you thought at that time, you say, and that’s what made you
decide to write your book yourself. But more importantly; that was the moment
when you actually truly considered writing a book.

So anyway, that’s what your story’s actually about, that’s what your
book’s about. It’s about you and your best friend and your relationship and
why it matters. Of course it’s about the band, you say. And about your life
and all that bullshit, your family that never was one, the drugs, the parties,
all the bad things that happened and your publishers said it would need to be
read.

Also it’s about him, the other him, you mean. The guy you love and all the
shit you’ve been through. The inevitable lovestory a book needs. The
inevitable lovestory a life needs and that you’re lucky you’ve been
permitted to experience even though it must have been one of the worst parts.
And the happiest. Of your life, you say. Not the book.

So that’s about it, the whole book. He and him and him and he, loads of drugs,
alcohol, the usual suspects, yourself and your feelings. But you won’t stop
here, although this could be the perfect closure. You talk and talk and
gesticulate and laugh and say a lot more severe and important things. 

But you won’t answer the question that really matters. Not to you, I mean, to
the rest of us. When will it be released? ‘Cause that’s all we want to know
right know, we’re dying to know, but you won’t tell. We’ll be patient,
though. We’ll wait and we’ll definitely be rewarded. We’ll laugh with you
and cry with you and love with you and live with you. ‘Cause that’s what
matters.

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