Love is a drug von aprileagle ================================================================================ Kapitel 5: Tiny Heart --------------------- Chapter five: Tiny heart She had always hated hospitals. Her whole this. In an hospital like this she got to know that her parents died. That they didn't survive the tragic accident. Between such white walls they told her that Hikari didn't survive the pneumonia. That Hotaru was so ill. Only bad news. So many dead people. So many people I loved so much... Haruka shortly looked at the clock hanging in the waiting room. It was now two in the morning. They operated since midnight, but no one came to tell them how the operation was going on. If everything was alright of if there were any complications. They only took the little girl and disappeared with her behind two big doors. Haruka didn't dare to ask some of the nurses hurrying from time to time. They left the promotion at the very moment Michiru's parents called them up. They all still wore their promotion clothes. They didn't change. They only drove home. To meet the ambulance there. They took Hotaru with them. Only Haruka was allowed to get into the ambulance. The rest of them took their cars and followed them. That was no three hours ago, they operated for over two hours. Endless two hours. Endless 120 minutes. Endless 7,200 seconds. Shortly Haruka looked around. Michiru's parents were sitting in one corner. Her father studied one health magazine after another while Aiko served herself one coffee after another from the slot machine. Setsuna got hurt, surely during a fight against a youma, and went to see a doctor. Elza went with her. They didn't return since them. Haruka wasn't angry about them, they wouldn't have helped anyway. Waiting is the worst. Haruka put her hands in her pockets and decided to walk a little bit around. To keep silent, to stand still that was terrible. I made her depressive. It let her feel like she was paralysed. She wanted to have clear answers: If the new heart would fit, if her Himme-chan was strong enough to survive that dangerous operation. If she would ever be healthy again. But at the same time Haruka didn't dare to ask any questions. She didn't know if she would have been strong enough to hear the answer. I am weak... Haruka left the waiting room, not seeing how Michiru raised her head. For the past two hours she stared at the gold fished swimming happily around in an aquarium. Wondering how those animals could be happy while she just experienced the worst hours in her life. I am too weak for all this stuff! Haruka turned to the right and simply walked through the endless corridors. Passed some fake paintings and some plants without really seeing them. She almost crashed into a chair standing around the corner. She simply didn't take attention where she went to. There had been times when she had been strong. The strongest girl in her class, the fasted girl of the whole school. No one could beat her. She had been almost as fast as the wind. She had been self-assured and believed that nothing could happen to her. That nothing stood in her way. That she could achieve anything by just wanting it badly. I grew up... Everything changed during the past two years. She lost her parents, ended on the street. She got her daughter and rescued Michiru who was her saviour in return. Or at least for her daughter. What if Himme-chan won't make it? No, I mustn't think about it! I have to think positive! I have to believe in her! I am her mother, I mustn't give her up like this! Haruka sighed deeply and opened the door. The next moment she stood on a small balcony and stared up to the cloudy sky. It was icy outside but it helped her clearing her mind. That cold couldn't stop her dark thoughts, but it at least keep her from becoming totally insane. The tall blonde closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Still burying her hands in her pockets. Wind played with her short hairs and tears sparkled in her eyes as she opened them again. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so close from crying. She didn't cry during the last years since her parents died. Only for one time - when little Hotaru was born. But that hadn't been tears of sorrow and despair, it had been tears of joy. Sorrow? Despair? No, it's fear. It's this damn fear to lose her, too! Why can't they say at least one word about the operation? Why do they have to leave us sitting so alone in the waiting room? Has it been too late? Did we wait too long? Did I waste the first months of her life? Did I do everything wrong? Had there been another way? Should I have done anything different? Shimatta!!! Haruka took another breath and tried to calm herself down. To freak out, that wouldn't help anyone. She should've been thankful. Thankful that Michiru helped her so much. That she paid the operation and cared that Hotaru came on top of the transplantation list. To be thankful that Michiru's and Setsuna's parents where here as well. To be with them - no matter what would happen. She should pray to the Gods and thank them for a new heart they got - hopefully right in time. For that heart another little child had to die... Haruka gulped and bit on her lower lip. Surely a cute, little child. Just like my Himme-chan. Even if that operation will be a success, even if Himme-chan will survive, two parents will be sad this night. Maybe for the rest of their life. Because they lost their child... Haruka knew that she would never got to know the identity of that child. It was forbidden by law. And a Haruka had to admit that she was thankful about this. She wouldn't have been able to face the sad parents and to thank them that their child died. That would have been too sarcastic in her eyes. It's all my fault. I took those drugs and poisoned my little angel. I should be the ill one, not Himme-chan. She's so small, so tiny... she doesn't deserve all this pain! Haruka grabbed for the handrail and bowed over it to have a better view at the sky. Something was falling from the clouds. The tall blonde blinked and it took her some moments to recognize that it was snowing. It was a little bit early for the end of autumn, but the air was already cold enough. Snow... "Ruka?" She winced as the door was opened and Michiru stepped out on the balcony as well. She was still wearing her evening dress. Now it was crumbled and her hairs looked messed. She was incredibly pale and more than once her parents tried to convince her to lay down. To get some sleep. She simply didn't look well. But Michiru couldn't lay down. Nor could she even think of sleep. Her heart was racing too much in her chest as if she would find any rest at all. Not until the doctor didn't talk to them. After the operation. About its success or... No! There have to be a success! "Come in. It's cold outside." Said the young violinist and put her right hand on Haruka's left arm. "You'll catch a cold." But Haruka didn't seem to hear her. Determinedly she stared up to the sky as if she hadn't seen anything that interesting before. Or as if she didn't see it at all. "Ruka?" "It's snowing." Answered the tall blonde finally after another long time they stood on the balcony in silence. Her voice was silent and sounded as if she spoke from far away to her. From another world only she could see. Michiru raised her head and frowned. Then she saw the small flakes, too. Dancing in the night's wind like little glow worms. "Hai..." she whispered and watched how some snow flakes fell on Haruka's hands and melted there. The taller girl didn't react. She only grabbed the handrail harder. So hard that her fingers looked almost white. "Himme-chan was born in May. She doesn't know snow. She has never seen it before." Haruka gulped visibly, still staring up to the cloudy sky. "I want her to run in the snow. I want her to make snow balls and to throw them at me. I want to see her on a sleigh. Laughing at me." Haruka's voice was shaky but she didn't cry the tears that sparkled so obvious in her dark green eyes. "I want her to grow up, Michi. I want her to be a wild tomboy. Just the way I had been. I want her to drive a bike, to learn how to swim. To drive me crazy when she comes home later than I told her to come home. I want to get to know her friends. I want that she's happy, Michi. Simply happy." Haruka shook her head and winced slightly as Michiru laid her hands warming over her icy hands. "I want her to live, Michi. That's not too much I am asking for, right?" Haruka lowered her head and that desperate look on her face made almost Michiru's heart break. "No, it's not." Michiru squeezed those icy hands and did a silent prayer to all the Gods above to save this little child. And to save Himme-chan's mother as well. "No, it's surely not..." *** Setsuna didn't even complain that it hurt. They had to stitch her leg. With four stitches. Surely she would keep some scars. Tiny scars, but still visible ones. She only stared empty at the dustbin next to the bed she was sitting on. The nurse took good care of her and gave her some pain killers. She felt dizzy, but she didn't want to lay down and sleep. She knew that only nightmares would be haunting her down anyway. "Elza! Stop doing that! You are making me crazy!" Setsuna growled, because the red haired girl crossed the room for the fifth time now... in just half a minute. She simply couldn't sit quietly. First Setsuna wanted to go back to the waiting room, but a nurse told her that she should stay where she was until she would feel better. Not so dizzy and so sick. The nurse didn't want her to faint and to hurt herself. So Elza and she stayed in that small room that was driving the younger girl insane. "And what should I do? Tell me that!" Elza looked at her watch and sighed tortured. "It's now four hours that they started to operate! And still no result. Nothing!" Elza sobbed quietly and turned away from Setsuna. But the senshi of time knew from the shaking of her shoulders that the red haired girl cried. "Hey, Elza-chan, I didn't mean it so sharply. Hey, little one..." Setsuna sat again upright on her bed and looked sadly at the smaller girl. Slowly Elza turned around and her cheeks were wet. "Gomen... I... I didn't want to cry... not during the... operation..." she sobbed and closed her eyes for some seconds. To fight back her tears. She tried it in vain. "You don't have to be ashamed, little one." Setsuna clapped next to her on the free mattress. "Come here, little one. It's normal to cry." Elza stared at Setsuna for a long them, then she nodded and did as she was told. To find herself in Setsuna's warm arms. So comforting arms... "Everything will turn alright." Whispered Setsuna and stroke through fire red strands. "Oh... how do you know that?" sniffed Elza and leaned against her friend. Feeling safe and secure there. "I have my special instinct." "Oh, fantastic. Now I have a girlfriend with instinct." "Do you mind that?" Setsuna smiled a small smile as Elza raised her head and looked surprised into dark eyes. It was the first time that Setsuna wasn't angry about Elza claiming her to be her girlfriend. "No..." They both stared at each other, then Elza buried her head again in Setsuna's shoulder. They had to talk about all this stuff later. About their feelings, about their future. And about that senshi thing. Elza had seen Sailor Pluto and as Setsuna's girlfriend, she simply deserved an explanation. But all that had time. All that was completely unimportant against the little girl fighting for her tiny life. Just a few rooms away. Setsuna held a trembling Elza a little bit tighter and closed her eyes. Trying not to cry with Elza. Because still they had no reason to cry and Setsuna begged that they would never have one. Please, let her live. We all need that little girl. We all love her... *** It was around six in the morning. The sky was still cloudy, but it stopped to snow. Around three or four in the morning. The snow melted away. Still it was dark outside. For at least the next two hours. "Ruka?" Haruka stood at the window of the waiting room, staring outside. Watching the trees moving in the night's wind. First she didn't hear Michiru's voice. She winced as she felt a warm hand touching her right arm. Slowly she raised her head and looked into deep blue eyes. Michiru pointed over to the entrance door. She was incredibly pale and gulped visible. Haruka didn't ask. She didn't have to. She turned around and saw Michiru and Setsuna's parents standing there. Talking to Dr. Sugara-san. Behind him Haruka could see two shadows. Surely Setsuna and Elza. They are all here. Haruka shortly laid her hand over Michiru's and felt how Michiru squeezed her gently. Just like a real family... Haruka took a deep breath and slowly went over tot he doctor. To the man who cared so much for her daughter over the past months. No matter what happened, no matter what he would tell her, she knew that she had to be thankful. He took care of a girl every other doctor would have given up. He never asked her stupid questions about her past, but tried to help her. Really help her, not give damn advice she couldn't use anyway. I should be happy that they're all here. Haruka moved slowly and it seemed to her as if time had stopped. As if she was living in an world running by in slow motion. Everything got blurred until only Dr. Sugara-san remained. I should be happy that she had at least for those weeks a real family. A family I could never give her: Nice aunts, crazy grandparents and loving friends. They gave her a hope and love. Hai, Haruka knew that she should have been thankful, but all she felt was fear. The biggest fear she had ever felt in her life. Of course she had been frightened when she lost her parents. When she ran away and spent the first night alone on a lonely street. When he bought her and almost killed her, because she looked like a boy but was a girl. When Hikari coughed herself to death in that cold summer night. When little Hotaru was born. When she didn't know where to get the money from to pay her daughter's operation. But all those fears together were tiny compared to the fear she felt right now. What if... What if... What if she... She couldn't finish that thought. It was impossible for her. As it seemed to be impossible to breathe any longer. Her chest hurt and she felt dizzy. >It's okay.< Again she heard Michiru's soft voice in her mind. She wished so badly that everything was okay. She didn't want to lose her daughter. She didn't want to be alone again. She didn't... couldn't... wasn't able to... What... I don't... Please... Her thoughts spun around and she blinked as someone stepped next to her and took her icy hand in two warming ones. Haruka blinked and saw Michiru standing right beside her. To be there for her. No matter what Dr. Sagura-san would tell them in just some moments. Seconds that can change my life forever. Till now everything is fine. Till now... Haruka had to fight against the desire to run away. To escape this trap. To flee out of this hospital, out of this nightmare. To run as fast as she could. But Michiru's hands held her back, gave her the courage she needed to face the doctor. A tired looking doctor. He spoke with the famous opera singer quietly. Calmly. What if... Haruka gulped and searched for hold as the doctor raised his head. And smiled at her. *** She looked tiny. Like a puppet on its string. Her bed was made out of glass and different machines stood around her bed. Making different noises. High noises. Loud noises. Loud in the silence of the room. Her tiny arms were connected to different drips and a hoase leaded to her mouth. Her eyes were closed and her face was very pale. The tiny chest was bandaged, but clean. There was no trace of any blood. Himme-chan... Haruka didn't feel the cold of the glass under her finger tips. She leaned as close as she could against the window and stared through it at her daughter. She looks as if she was sleeping. But Haruka knew that the anaesthesia still worked. She didn't understand all of the medical words Dr. Sugara-san said to them. But she understood one fact very well: Her daughter was still alive. She survived the dangerous operation and her body seemed to take the new heart. It beat regularly inside her tiny chest. From all alone. All those machines were only there to control the pulse and the blood pressure. They helped her daughter to live, but they didn't live for the little girl. Hotaru lived all on her own. Himme-chan... Haruka wanted to go to her. To take her in her arms. To feel that she was still alive. That this wasn't just a dream. That for once in her life she had been lucky. That she didn't lose again the one she loved most of this world. Just like she had lost her parents and Hikari. But Haruka knew that she wasn't allowed. This was the intensive care unit and Hotaru left the operation room just half an hour ago. There was some nurses in the room, taking care for the little girl. Just in case that anything would go wrong. Although Dr. Sugara-san sounded very optimistically. He said that the biggest risk had been the operation. Hotaru's chances had been 30 percent. The little girl used every single percent. Now it was only a matter of time until she would get stronger. Of course she have to take medicine for the rest of her life. That her body would never reject the new heart. But that was okay for Haruka. Pills were something you could get used to. But to lose Himme-chan, Haruka didn't know what she would have done in that worst case. I love you, little princess. Haruka gulped and it was hard and harder for her not to cry the tears sparkling in her eyes. Gomen nasai, Himme-chan... The tall blonde knew that her daughter was still on pain killers. But she knew that she would be in terrible pain once the anaesthesia would stop to work. It's all my fault, Himme-chan. Just my fault. And you have to sustain all this pain. I hope you'll ever be able to forgive me. "Let's go home." Michiru stepped next to her and hang her her winter jacket around her shoulders. "Everything is fine now. They'll take care for Himme-chan now." Going home? Now? No! Never! "I'll stay." Said Haruka and was surprised how hoarse her voice sounded. It didn't seem to belong to her body any longer. To herself. I won't let her alone! I promised her to be there for her! I won't go! "It's no use to stay, Ruka. She'll sleep now. Dr. Sugara-san told me that the anaesthesia will work for at least another four hours. Here are a lot of nurses and doctors taking care for her. We'll return in the afternoon. Before this she won't even notice that you are not around." "But I promised her to be there..." "You've been here all the night." Answered Michiru and corrected the evening dress she was still wearing. It was now crumbled and dirtied with coffee spots. She tried to drink a coffee after midnight, but most of it landed on her clothes because her hands shook so much. "But..." "You didn't eat anything during the past twenty four hours and I am sure that you hardly slept the past week." Michiru tried to look directly into Haruka's dark green eyes, but she failed because the young woman only stared at her daughter behind the glass. Slightly Michiru sighed. She knew Haruka's feelings. She didn't want to go, too. But here they were no help. No real help. Not now. And they had to take some rest. Michiru felt herself incredibly dizzy and tired. She was sure that Haruka felt even worse. "It won't help your daughter if you break down, Ruka. Let's go home, let's take a shower and sleep. We'll return in the afternoon, I promise." Dr. Sugara-san sent them all home: Her parents, Setsuna who had to use a crutch now because her leg hurt so much and Elza who had red eyes from crying. "But..." "Don't worry, Ruka. Everything's fine now. She has a new heart. It's only a matter of time until she'll be a normal, healthy girl. Just wait until next spring when she'll learn how to walk. Then we'll have to be fast to chase her." Michiru smiled a tired smile and raised her hand to stroke some strands out of Haruka's face. "Let's go home, Ruka. Please. You are can barely stand. You daughter needs you to be strong, not to break down." Michiru felt how the girl next to her trembled. "Please, Ruka." Haruka looked for another long time at her daughter and decided to ask if she could bring her toy dolphin with her. She didn't want her daughter to feel lonely when she slept. "Okay..." whispered Haruka finally. Promising her daughter behind the glass that she would return as soon as possible. That she wouldn't go away as soon as she was awake. As long as the little girl needed her she would always be there for her. Forgive me, Himme-chan. Forgive me for all the pain you are in because of me. Haruka's hand rested longer than necessary on the cold glass and she gulped hard. Now we'll start again. Right from the start, okay? Hotaru didn't answer. She didn't move. But Haruka believed to see a tiny smile on her daughter's pale face. *** It was dawn when they came home. Meioh Aiko and her husband stayed in an hotel. They didn't want to stress their daughters by preparing the guest rooms. Michiru tried to convince them that it was really okay if they'd come to stay in their house, too, but again she had to learn that her mother could be very stubborn. "That had been quite an exciting night, uh?" Setsuna fought hard with her crutch and stumbled upstairs. Elza was right beside her. For the first time she could remember she didn't have to return to her own home. Setsuna didn't insist Michiru to drive to Elza's house and Michiru simply forgot it. She drove very slow this time and looked very tired. More than once Setsuna had to remind her little sister that a red traffic light meant to stop and not to roll on. We're all very exhausted. Setsuna opened the door and watched how Haruka came into the house, slipped her shoes and simply walked upstairs. She didn't say a word. Not a single one since the doctor told them that the operation had been a success. While Elza talked and talked and talked during their drive home, Haruka kept silent. Expressionless she stared out of the window and didn't even react as Elza asked her directly a question about the little girl now lying on the intensive care unit of the hospital. Guess she has to realize what just happened. It had been to fast. First we waited for so long and then it just happened within ten hours. Setsuna watched how Haruka disappeared in the twilight of the corridor and looked shortly into Michiru's deep blue eyes. The younger woman only sighed worn out and shook her head. It looked as if she wanted to say something, but then she decided against it. "Good night, Michi. If there's anything wrong, we're downstairs, okay?" Setsuna laid her hands on Michiru's shoulders. Her younger sister only nodded and smiled a small smile. Then she rubbed her eyes and yawned. Tiredly she turned around and followed Haruka. To go into her own room and to lay down. To think of what had happened just a few hours ago. We all need some time to understand. And to realize that we were lucky. "Orpheus!" Elza giggled. She grabbed the big dog as he wanted to welcome Michiru and held him tight. The young violinist didn't look as if she would have survived his happy attack this morning. Now the red haired girl was struggling hard with the dog who wanted at least to jump at Setsuna. His favourite human, right after Michiru. But Elza didn't let him. She knew how hard Setsuna was injured and she didn't want Orpheus to hurt her. "You are impossible!" Elza giggled again and tried to hold him back. But he escaped and jumped around Setsuna. Barking happily. Happily that she was home. That he wasn't alone any longer. I am glad to see you smile again. Setsuna looked at Elza for some moments while she tried to calm her excited doggy down. It was finally possible as she hobbled over to the kitchen and gave him one of the bones she kept from the last dinner. "If you want to sleep a little bit, you can use my bed." Setsuna opened the fridge and served herself a nice cold bottle of milk. Suddenly she was very thirsty. And a little bit hungry. "Your bed?" Elza frowned and wrapped her arms around her chest. She was still wearing her sport outfit and froze a little bit. Not only because of her tiredness. It was the first time that Setsuna offered her to sleep in her bed. It sounded tempting. But Elza knew that Setsuna used to say a lot of things she didn't mean the way they sounded. "And what are you doing?" "Hm..." Setsuna went over to the living room and sat carefully down on the couch. For a moment she looked searching around and finally found the remote control. "I don't feel like sleeping. I am still too excited." She admitted and switched on the TV. "I've always wanted to watch those talk shows." Without really looking at the screen, Setsuna switched from one channel to the next one. Elza looked for some moments at her in silence. Then she wrapped a blanket around her body and hopped next to her taller friend on the couch. "They can be very funny, Sissy." Said Elza and took the remote control. Giving away that she looked often such shows. In the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep. Because she was again angry about Setsuna. Or about herself. About their stupid fears. It took her only some seconds to find the right channel with the right talk show. Setsuna looked at Elza for a while and finally nodded. "Funny. That sounds good. I need something to laugh about after the past days." *** The sun was rising. Shortly before eight in the morning. Michiru just finished her shower and pulled a long t shirt over her trembling body. She was incredibly tired but she wasn't sure if her thoughts wouldn't stop spinning around. There was so much she had to think of: Himme-chan, Haruka's sad looks during the operation. The doctors positive words. Everything seemed to turn out fine, but still Michiru couldn't believe it. The fear of losing the little girl was still too deep in her soul, she couldn't simply behave as if everything was alright again. Michiru yawned slightly and opened the door to her balcony. Just to wince as she felt the icy wind on her naked arms. Her slightly wet hairs moved around her ears and she stroke them on her back. And now? Michiru looked out to the endless sea. The horizon was cloudless and now covered with shades of red and orange. It was only a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds until the sun would rise out of the deep waters. Like it did every day. Although this day was something special. Today's Himme-chan second birthday. And now? Michiru didn't know would come next. Surely they had to take care of the little girl to make sure that there wouldn't be a relapse. That her body would accept the tiny heart. That they could take her home soon. In four or six weeks. Ruka wants to stay with her daughter in hospital for that time. That's clear. Michiru stepped out to the balcony and shivered as her naked feet touched the cold stony ground. What about school at that time? What about the youmas? Surely it was a youma that hurt Sissy today. What about the talismans? What about our mission? Michiru gulped. She didn't think about those problems any longer. They had been tiny in comparison to Himme-chan's illness. But now that Hotaru would grew strong again they were there again. Bigger and more dangerous than ever before. What about us? What about our feelings? What about... At that moment she heard the noise from the other room. From Haruka's room. It sounded like something heavy falling to the ground. A chair or a book. Nani? Isn't she already in bed? Michiru left the balcony and closed the door carefully behind her. She didn't hear Haruka's shower working. It seemed as if the young woman went into her room and to bed at the very instant they came home. She looked very exhausted and very tired so Michiru didn't mind. The young violinist thought that Haruka was already asleep. She didn't hear any noises during the past thirty minutes. So she was a little bit concerned as she walked over to her best friend's room. "Ruka?" She knocked but no one answered. So she opened the door silently and stepped into the room. The curtains covered the windows and it was still dark inside the room. The sun didn't have a chance here. "Ruka?" Again no answer. Michiru crossed carefully the room. She didn't want to wake Haruka up who laid in her bed. Under her blankets. Maybe an old book fell down from the shelf and Haruka was so deep in her sleep that she didn't hear it. Maybe Michiru got simply a little bit too careful over the past weeks. When every breath little Hotaru did could have been her last one. More than once she stood up in the middle of the night to control the little baby. Sometimes Haruka had been awake, sometimes she laid next to the cradle and slept. When her tired body simply needed a little bit time to rest. I thought that it all would be so easy when I made that strange offer to Ruka in September. Michiru sat down at the rim of the bed and sighed deeply. I should have known it better. To take care for an ill child is harder than I could ever imagine. But the same time she knew that she would do it again. She would go through every complicate situation again. She would fight again for that little girl. As she would fight again for Hotaru's mommy. At that moment Michiru heard the silent sobs under the blanket, saw how the other girl trembled. Nani? "Ruka?" She's crying? Michiru blinked and pulled the blanket away. Haruka still wore her tuxedo. She only stripped the jacket and opened the shirt a little bit. The clothes were incredibly crumbled and Michiru couldn't believe that you could sleep in them. They were made to look good in, not to feel well in or even to sleep in. "Ruka?" "Go away!" sniffed a desperate voice and Haruka hide her head under her pillow. She rolled herself up to a ball and cried even harder. Michiru blinked again surprised. She hadn't seen Haruka cry. She couldn't remember. Not a single time. Not when they got the results. Not when she feared the worst and ran away. Not when Hotaru almost stopped breathing that night and they had to call an ambulance. Not when she told her about her dark past and the way she got pregnant. Not when they stood for such endless long hours on that hospital's balcony, waiting for the results. But now Haruka was crying. It was obvious. Her whole body shook and her silent sobs were incredibly loud in Michiru's ears. Now that everything's over, now that everything turned out to be okay, she's letting all her fears out... Michiru gulped and crept deeper into the bed. Determinedly she tried to pull the pillow away. First Haruka struggled for it, but then she lost. She kept her fears all that time deep inside her soul. Now she faces them. All at once. Now that it's over she things that can let them out without hurting anyone. Michiru looked into a desperate face under her. Tears were streaming over shrunken cheeks. Haruka tried to wipe them away with shaking hands but they were immediately replaced by new ones. Now she faces her fears. But she doesn't have to face them all alone... Michiru looked deeply into tear filled eyes, saw the pain and the despair there. It made her heart break and feeling sad, too. She had to take so much stuff. That operation had been too much for her. My strong Ruka... Michiru hesitated for a moment. Then she took the sobbing blonde simply in her arms and rocked her. The way Haruka comforted her just some days ago. When she took those pills. Fearing that they wouldn't find a new heart in time for little Hotaru. Haruka stiffed and wanted to free herself, but Michiru didn't let her go. Determinedly she held her tight. No, she wouldn't let her go right now. Haruka needed her comfort, even if she would have never said it aloud. To Michiru. To herself. "It's okay to cry..." whispered the young violinist and blinked. Two small tears ran down her own cheeks as well. "It had been a hard fight, but we won it, Ruka. Now You're allowed to cry. You've been so strong during the past weeks. So strong for your little daughter. Now she'll be healthy again and you're allowed to be weak. Just for this moment." Michiru rocked the taller girl in her arms as the sobbing increased. "Just for this moment, let it all out..." Michiru's voice was husky and she swallowed as Haruka's arms were suddenly wrapped around her body and held her desperately tight. Himme-chan's safe. She won't die. We could help, we could rescue her. Everything will be fine. So why the hell am I crying now? Haruka cursed herself silently but she simply couldn't stop. And somehow she didn't want to stop. She gulped her tears over the past years. She kept the sorrow, the pain, all those damn fears deep inside her soul. So many fears she could hardly take all alone. And now that everything looked fine it simply broke free. Just like that. At the one moment she laid exhausted and the bed and stared at the ceiling, at the next moment tears were streaming down her face. She couldn't hold them back any longer. She wasn't strong enough to gulp them any longer. She simply had to let them fall. She felt ashamed for her reaction. Now. When there was no reason to cry any longer. She tried to hide her tears and herself under the blankets, but Michiru didn't want her to hide. Instead she took her in her arms and rocked her so comforting. Spoke so loving to her. With that warm voice. Holding her in her soft arms. Talking to her so gently. Suddenly Haruka didn't feel ashamed any longer. She simply let her tears fall, feeling Michiru's arms being wrapped around her body. In a protective gesture. Just hold me. Hold me and never let me go. She wanted to say it aloud, but she couldn't control her voice any longer. All that escaped her throat were sobs she couldn't oppress any longer. So she kept silent and simply held Michiru tight. As if she was her only life line. Deep in her heart she knew she was. It took a long time until Haruka calmed down. Until her tears dried slowly and her sobs silenced in the dark room. Michiru simply held her and stroke loving through blonde strands. Finally Haruka raised her head. Her eyes were clearer now. As clear as a crystal. A dark green crystal. Arigato. Haruka wanted to tell Michiru just that single word. And so many other words. To tell her about her feelings. To tell her how thankful she was that she gave her daughter a second chance. That she took care of her. To tell her that she would stay - if she wanted her to stay - and to try to transform. To search with them for the talismans. That neither Setsuna nor Michiru were ever be hurt again by such a creature they called a youma. That she fell in love with her. That she wanted to be more than her best friend. Than her partner of a strange contradict she didn't think of any longer. Michiru saved Hotaru. Haruka would have done anything for her. >It's okay.< Again she heard Michiru's calm voice in her head. For so many times when she thought that everything was too late. During the past months Michiru had been there. Simply there. The only light in her life's darkness. She had been patient when she couldn't transform. She had been friendly when she wasn't that smart at school. She had been caring when she ran away and caught that terrible flu. She had been tender to her daughter and understanding as Haruka told her about her dark past. She had been more understanding than all those doctors, nurses and social workers. She simply took Haruka the way she was. The way she was right now. Not the way she had been just one year ago. >It's okay.< Is it really okay? Can I believe in her words? Can I believe in that look on her face? Can I believe in the second chance she offers me? Can I... Every thought disappeared as Michiru leaned forward and kissed her tenderly. First it was just a light touch but after some moments it deepened and got more demanding. Haruka closed her eyes and brought Michiru a little bit closer to her body and returned the kiss with all her feelings. It feels so damn good. Haruka let herself being pressed on the soft mattress and felt Michiru's hand opening the last bottoms of the crumbled and dirtied shirt. Then gentle fingers caressed over soft skin, causing goose flesh all over Haruka's body. First she wanted to protest as Michiru's hands touched the scars on her arms and the big one crossing her belly, but then she relaxed. One look in Michiru's eyes told her that the smaller girl liked her body the way it was. There was no reason to be ashamed of it. Of those scars she couldn't let disappear. Of her past she couldn't change. It feels so right... Michiru kissed her again and wiped away the last tears that still sparkled on Haruka's cheeks. Now redden cheeks. Dark green eyes sparkled mysteriously and the young violinist had to smile as Haruka winced as she touched her belly again. Are you ticklish? She didn't say it aloud. She didn't have to. Haruka's giggle was answer enough. Carefully she stroke again over the sensitive skin and her smile deepened as Haruka giggled again. Suddenly the tall blonde didn't look as desperate as she had looked just some minutes ago. Now she looked happy. She looked loved. Loved... Michiru grabbed for Haruka's hands trying to stop the sweet punishment and held them tight. Then she learned again over the blonde and kissed her long and loving. Hai, I love her. With all my heart. No matter what she went through, I love her the way she is. With all her mistakes. With all her good sides. No matter if she's Sailor Uranus or not. I love her. Tenô Haruka. Michiru wanted to say all those words. She wanted to say them all at once. But then she couldn't stop that kiss. It became more and more hungry and Michiru let Haruka's hands go again. I want you to stay. Forever. With me. Together with your little daughter. Michiru's hands caressed again Haruka's body and without hesitation she stripped the rest of the crumbled clothes. They landed somewhere near the bed. Michiru didn't care about it. She didn't even notice that wind blew away a little bit the curtain and that the orange light of the new born day shone down at them. Haruka's blonde hairs sparkled golden in the sun's light and Michiru's green curls looked like the waves of the deep sea. Wind and sea. Always belonging to each other. No matter what happened. Michiru stripped her t shirt as well and kissed Haruka again. The tall girl closed her eyes as their body touched. But it didn't hurt. Not as she had expected. Not as Hikari had told her. How all those other guys hurt her. How that special guy once tried to hurt Haruka. This wasn't brutal. It wasn't disgusting. It wasn't shameful. No, it was wonderful. It felt as if butterflies were flying around in her body. "Ruka..." whispered Michiru and her voice was a little bit out of breath. Haruka opened her eyes again and looked directly into a blushed face. The most beautiful smile she had ever seen laid on Michiru's red lips. "Everything alright?" asked Michiru and caressed again Haruka's belly. Just to laugh amused as Haruka had to giggle again. For a long time they looked each other into the eyes. Feeling their bodies as near to each other as possible. Feeling the other one's racing heart beat under their hands. Finally Haruka nodded. Smiling. Hai, everything's alright. Again. Because you are here. Michiru smiled back and kissed her again. Even more loving than before. If that was possible. I love you, Ruka. With every part of my body. With every part of my soul. I love you, Michi. Please stay forever. Don't ever let me go again. They both wanted to say so much to each other, but again they couldn't break the sweet kiss. Slowly their bodies started to move in a calm but steady rhythm and Haruka closed her eyes again. This feeling was incredible. It was the best feeling she ever experienced. >Do you know love?< There was again the question of their biology teacher in Haruka's mind and she wrapped her arms around Michiru's shoulders to bring her nearer to herself. >Do you know love?< Now she knew it. She felt it. Her whole body trembled and she didn't want to end that feeling. That feeling of being safe and secure. That feeling of finally being where she had always belonged to. That feeling of being loved. Unconditionally loved. It was so natural to be with her Michi. It felt so good. So damn good. So right. This was the place where she belonged. In her Michi's arms. This was the place she never wanted to leave again. Never. >There're persons out there who need you. Who will love you with all consequences.< Suddenly Haruka had to think of Hikari's words. Words she believed to hear when she had been on the most dangerous trip of her life. So true words. As always Hikari had been right. Here was someone who loved her. She could feel it. And it felt so damn right. Michiru felt how Haruka held her tighter and moved her body a little bit faster. She gasped for breath but had to kiss her lover again. And again. And again. It seemed as if she would never get enough of those sweet lips. Of that sweet body. I love you so much! Why didn't I meet you earlier? Why couldn't I help you earlier? Why did you have to live so much pain? Why... But she knew that she could be there. Now. Here. For their futures. The wind seemed to increase and the window was pushed opened. Neither Haruka nor Michiru realized it. All they saw, all they felt was their partner. The sea seemed to be louder than normal and the wind to be stronger. The sun's golden light grew stronger and seemed to embrace the two girls lying on the soft mattress. Two signs glowed at two sweaty foreheads, but they didn't see them. Their eyes were closed and their lips never parted. I love you, Michi. I love you, Ruka. From one moment to the next one the light seemed to increase and disappeared into nothing. Michiru whispered softly Haruka's name while the blonde held her lover a little bit tighter. Then they collapsed on the soft mattress. Sweating. Panting. Being incredibly happy. I love you... Michiru wanted to say those sweet words, but again the desire to kiss her lover was stronger. Tenderly she kissed Haruka and covered the both of them with a blanket. Warm arms were still wrapped around her body and she felt as loved as she hadn't felt in her whole life before. She didn't want to break that magical moment. That's why she ignored the ringing of the telephone. Of course it could be the hospital, telling them that something was wrong. Of course it could be their parents, asking them when they would return to hospital, so that they would fetch them up. It was better to answer the telephone, but Michiru didn't want to go. "Michi?" was Setsuna's voice suddenly heard through the whole house. "It's your conductor. He simply won't give up!" Michiru cursed silently and sighed deeply. She looked again deep into Haruka's dark green eyes and kissed her shortly. "I'll be right back." She promised. Then she grabbed for her t shirt, pulled it with a clumsy gesture over her body and stumbled over to the door. Still cursing that this man should shut up. Just for once. Haruka crept deeper into the blanket that was still filled with Michiru's warmth and watched her leaving the room. There was a smile on the blonde's blushed face. An incredibly happy smile. *** "The day to record our CD is today?" Setsuna yawned and watched how Michiru looked shocked at the phone in her hands. Of course it was her conductor. Of course it was important. Of course he talked so much to Setsuna, so that the tall woman had to call for her smaller sister - knowing that Michiru was surely incredibly tired. Damn! Himme-chan's operation was just some hours ago. Surely she's exhausted. She should go back to bed and not to her orchestra. Can't they record that CD on their own? But Setsuna knew they couldn't. Michiru was the star. She even wanted to record a solo song, although she still couldn't decide for one. Michiru couldn't say no, Setsuna knew that too well, too. Her conductor would talk to her so long that Michiru would finally agree. "But..." Setsuna leaned against the wall and yawned again. She was tired, too. But still so many thoughts spun around in her mind that she didn't dare to lay down. To close her eyes. To have another nightmare. Maybe about Elza laughing at her and running away. Maybe about the doctors telling her that little Hotaru didn't make it. Maybe about a youma killing her beloved sister. There were so many things she had to think about... so many problems she couldn't find an answer, she didn't want to wake up. Panting. Swearing. Screaming in silence. The programme says that there are some more talk shows this morning... "But... okay..." Setsuna smiled sadly as she saw how her sister gave up. Surely she would have cancelled a normal rehearsal at the very instant - as she had cancelled so many rehearsals during the last weeks. Whenever they had to go to the doctor with little Hotaru. Whenever there was something going on with Haruka - an appointment with her social worker or another test at school that took a little bit longer. Michiru cancelled so many meetings with her orchestra, surely she had a bad conscience. Surely she wanted to go to the record date. At least to that very important meeting. "I'll be off. We'll record a new CD today and I can't let the guys down." Sighed Michiru as she put down the telephone. "Guess I'll be home in the evening." The young woman yawned and shrugged her shoulders as she saw the unasked questions in her bigger sister's eyes. "If there're any news from hospital call me up. My cell phone will be on the whole time - no matter what my conductor will think about it." Setsuna opened her mouth... and closed it again. It was senseless to tell her smaller sister to stay. So she walked over to her and embraced her shortly. "Promise me one thing." "What?" "The next night you'll sleep at least ten hours, no matter what will happen." "What about earthquakes?" "Our house is stable." "What about a tsunami?" "We have good, closed windows." "What about..." "Then I'll punish them in the name of Pluto, okay?" "Okay." Michiru smiled tiredly and went upstairs to get herself ready. Setsuna watched her in silence and closed her burning eyes for some moments. Everything will be fine from now on. Everything will be, right? The senshi of time wasn't allowed to ask her staff, but she knew that everything had to be fine from this moment on, because otherwise she wasn't sure if they would be strong enough any longer to bare it. *** "Ruka?" Michiru opened the door carefully and crept into the twilight. The blonde had rolled herself up in a ball and slept deep and tight. It had been a long night. The young violinist knelt down before the bed and stroked carefully through sandy hairs. A slight smile appeared on a pale face as Michiru leaned forward and placed a kiss on Haruka's forehead. It had been long months... "I'll be back soon." Whispered the senshi of the ocean but all she got as a reply was a undefinable marble. "Just find some sleep and rest." Again she saw the blonde woman standing on this dirty street, holding her big belly. Again she saw the blonde woman backing away from her at the car wash shop. Again she saw the blonde woman feeding her daughter in her tiny apartment. Again she saw Haruka arguing with Tamara about a silly topic at school. Again she saw Haruka fighting against the youmas, even if her only weapon was a dragger. Again she saw Haruka speaking so quietly to her social worker. Again she saw her Ruka petting a whimpering and begging Orpheus. Again she saw her Ruka playing cards with Elza and discussing with Setsuna if that formula was really right. Again she saw her Ruka holding little Hotaru in the swimming pool, smiling loving at her. Again she felt her partner holding her tight, comforting her. Again she felt her partner protecting her against the youmas, Tamara, the pills and all those other demons on this world. Again she felt her lover kissing her. So intensive, with so many feelings... Michiru swallowed and stroked some strands out of a sweaty forehead. Suddenly she knew that it was alike to her what Haruka had been during the past years. Suddenly it didn't matter if she had committed several crimes like robing helpless people or doing even worse things. All that mattered to Michiru was the girl in front of her. The girl Haruka was now. The past was over, it wasn't important any longer. I wish I would have met you earlier... Michiru kissed Haruka softly on her lips before she rose and left the room. "I love you...." Her whisper hung in the air, just like a sweet melody, covering the sleeping girl like a warming blanket. I love you. And once Himme-chan's okay and there's less stress around, I'll tell you and ask you if you, no, if you and your daughter want to stay forever. Michiru gulped as she took her violin case and ran out to her car. With me... *** And now? Setsuna sat on the corner of her bed and looked at the red haired girl, lying under the thick blankets and sleeping deep and tight. Elza hardly watched the first talk show. She fell fast asleep on the couch and Setsuna carried her to her bed. She didn't want the smaller girl to have a backache once she would awake again. And now? The young woman brought her legs to her chest and brought her arms around her knees. Her dark eyes sparkled as she watched her Elza-chan sleep. The most important person - besides her family - in her life. A loud, hectic girl who would drive her crazy one day. A cheeky girl who liked to wear so short skirts that Setsuna always argued with her that she would catch a big cold at a time like this. An always open and friendly girl Setsuna lost her heart to years ago. She couldn't remember the day she noticed that she was in love with her best friend, maybe she had always loved her. All those years she kept her feelings deep inside herself, because she didn't want to hurt Elza, nor did she want to lose the wild tomboy who drove secretly her car, always provoked her with her clothes and wanted to sleep in her bed. All those years Setsuna hide her love - and hurt herself and her Elza with her behaviour. Her Elza-chan she never wanted to do any harm. And now? Setsuna leaned herself against the wall and sighed deeply. Now she knew that Elza loved her in return. The staff of time showed it to her. Suddenly Elza's behaviour made sense. Suddenly her reactions were logical. Suddenly Setsuna had to see that she had been such an idiot for such a long time. Should we make a new start? But the same time she knew that they couldn't change the past, nor could they forget it. Maybe Elza would think about their first kiss - and its consequences - for the rest of her life? Maybe she would never trust Setsuna again who pushed her away as she opened her heart to her. Maybe Setsuna would never be able to forgive herself what she had said to Elza during the past weeks. Is it too late? Setsuna didn't know. During the past twenty four hours Elza didn't even make the attempt to kiss her or to get closer to her. Of course not! There was Himme-chan's operation and we all were like paralysed. Elza-chan cried a lot. Setsuna felt worse with every second that passed. She should be worried about Himme-chan and not think so much about her love life - or at least the love she had pushed away over the past five years. Being blind to see the real feelings behind Elza's desperate attempts to tell her the truth. I should be concerned about Himme-chan. I am a bad human... Setsuna sighed again and got finally out of the bed. Her right leg hurt like hell and her mind was dizzy, but she didn't want to sleep. Maybe a coffee would help. Maybe she would feel better then and be able to recollect and to order her thoughts spinning around in her mind. *** It was noon when she woke up. She knew it because she saw it on the clock hanging on the other side of her room. Nani? She rubbed her tired eyes and looked around, not really understanding what she was seeing. Her thoughts were as tough as honey and she yawned before she crept out of the bed. Where are my clothes? Haruka frowned and wrapped her blanket around her still tired body. Automatically she walked over to the cradle and had to see that she was empty. Where's Himme-chan? At that moment memory hit her like a lightening. Her green eyes grew wide and she leaned herself against the wall. They found a new heart. The operation. The doctor says that everything is alright. My Himme-chan will be fine again. Haruka gulped and wrapped her arms around her suddenly freezing body. Michiru insisted that I should go home instead of staying in hospital. She wants to go with me to hospital again when I slept a little bit. I slept a little bit, so let's go. Haruka opened the door and went over to the other room. Without caring to knock she entered it, but the bed there was untouched. The tall girl looked everywhere, but Michiru was not even in the bathroom. Where's Michi? Why isn't she here? Suddenly another memory hit her and Haruka blushed deeply before she went pale again. From one moment to the other she remembered what happened in the morning. She had been so relieved about the doctors positive words after all the months of hoping and praying, after the long and hard operation, that she had to let out all the fears she tried to lock up in her heart. Michiru had been there to comfort her. And she showed her for the first time the way love looked. Haruka blinked as she saw that the violin case was gone and some of Michiru's note books. At least she Michiru showed her the way physical love felt without pain and humiliation and all that shame... Why did she do that? To comfort me? To show me that she loves me? Haruka bit on her lower lip and turned around to leave the room. She stumbled over the waste basket and soon crumbled papers covered the carpet. Quickly she walked downstairs and opened the door wide. But the silver Ferrari wasn't in the garage, it wasn't in the drive. It was gone. When she loves me, why isn't she here? Haruka blinked and stood for some moments motionless on the icy asphalt of the drive. Cold winds were playing with her messed hairs. There was no snow lying on the ground yet, but soon it would snow again and then the white material of the coming winter would stay. The clouds looked grey, the sea was wilder than normal, the wind made the waves and the naked branches of the ghostly trees rush. But the tall girl didn't notice them. She only stared down the street until it hide behind a bend. Wishing that a car would appear. Wishing that Michiru would come back. To her. Haruka felt the need to talk to her. About little Hotaru's operation. About the future now that the little girl would survive and get healthy again. About last night... Haruka gulped and wrapped the blanked tighter around her body, not mention that she trembled because of the late autumn's cold. Even the rays of the sun blinking from time to time through the thick clouds were too weak to give any warmth back. She did it because she loves me, right? Did anyone do anything because they loved you since your parents death? But she helped Himme-chan and she was so tenderly... Of course she was. You made a contract with her, right? She didn't do it because of the contract! So why isn't she here, baka? Surely she has something important to do. More important than standing with you? More important than going to hospital to visit your daughter? More important than being with you in the case that anything could happen in the meantime? Nothing will happen! Haruka struggled with herself, but the inner voice simply didn't quieten. But that's not an excuse for her to go away. She didn't go away. She's just... Not here. You don't know where she is, right? Guess she has better things to do than to talk to someone like you. No! She knows about your past, she paid you one million yen, maybe even more, because Hotaru's operation was more complicate than you thought some months okay. Michiru isn't like them! She bought you with that money, right? She fulfilled her part of the contract yesterday, maybe you fulfilled it last night. Eh? No! Michi isn't like all those guys. She isn't like them. She is someone special! Do you really think so? Hai! She likes me, otherwise she wouldn't have taken care of me and my daughter. Do you really think so? Hai! She told me that everything is okay, even when she thought that I could be infected with AIDS. Do you really think so? Hai! She not one of those spoiled girls who gave me some coins because of sympathy. She is different. She is someone special for me. Do you really think so? Do you? Do you? Hai... Poor girl. She's a rich princess, you are a poor beggar. Why should she like or even love someone like you? You have big problems, you have an ill daughter, because even after the operation there will be a lot of visits of the doctor and a lot of medicine she has to take. Expensive medicine. Guess she only did it for fun, and not because of you! She wanted you to become a senshi, and, did you transform? No. You are a total disappointment. Surely you haven't even been good enough in bed so that she went away as soon as possible. Shut up! You don't want to hear it? You don't want to hear the truth? You know what happened the last time you had been so blind to believe in friendship and love, right? You were all alone in the end, desperate, ready to die. Do you want to make the same mistakes again because you are running after a dream you simply cannot catch? Shut up! Are you so blind? Are you so stupid? She's too good for you. You are too bad for her. It's simply the way it is. Accept it before it destroys you again. No! You are lying! Why should I? Or did she, one single time, tell you that she loves you? Just once, heh? ... She didn't, right? ... Haruka blinked again as tears filled her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. Crying didn't change anything. It didn't when her parents died, it didn't when Hikari left her. It didn't over the last night when she had been so relieved that the operation was a success, that her daughter got a second change, that the little baby didn't have to die too soon. She didn't and she will never do, baka. See it and try to get over it. SHUT UP! "Haruka?" The tall girl winced wildly as she felt the warm hand on her right shoulder. She spun around and was graceful as the brutal voice died away in her head. Although she knew that it was only a matter of time until it would return again. The voice of her deepest fears. "What are you doing out here?" Setsuna didn't await an answer. She simply took the icy hand of the other girl and leaded her back to the house, through the corridor and right into the kitchen where she put her into a chair. Haruka followed her in silence, wondering while Setsuna was awake at a time of this and why she was already wearing her normal clothes and no longer her pyjamas. "Did you have a nightmare?" Setsuna searched in the cupboards and some minutes later a steaming tea was standing in front of Haruka. A still very silent Haruka who didn't move. Who only stared at the young woman with big, green eyes. Surely it had been too much for her yesterday. First we wait for so many weeks and then it's over within just some hours. Setsuna smiled friendly and brought her chair nearer to Haruka. Elza was still in Setsuna's bed, sleeping deep and tight. It looked that not even a bomb exploding right beside her could wake her up. The young woman decided to let her sleep as long as Elza wanted. The red haired girl surely needed it by the things Setsuna had seen through her time staff. Haruka and her daughter are more important than your silly love problems! Setsuna scolded herself and blinked as she saw how much Haruka's hand trembled as she tried to get some sugar into her tea. Half of it landed on the table instead of the water. Setsuna took that icy hand and held it tight. Then she looked directly into Haruka's unfocused eyes. "Everything's alright, Haruka." "The hospital didn't ring you up to tell you that there were some complications after we left?" "No. Only our parents wanted to talk to you one hour ago, but I let you sleep. You looked so tired this morning." Haruka nodded. Our parents... They both didn't realize it, it sounded so naturally. "No complications with Himme-chan?" "No, none." Setsuna's smile deepened and she took the spoon to fill sugar into the tea for Haruka. "Everything looks fine." "I want to visit Himme-chan." "We can go as soon as you get some other clothes." The tall woman pointed at the blanked and smirked. "Maybe it's the newest fashion, but I guess it's too cold for the outside world." Setsuna shook her head. "For Elza it would be a new fashion. In screaming pink." Finally Haruka managed a small smile and warmed her free hand on the hot tea glass. For some moments they sat there in silence, both thinking of nothing special. "Where's Michi?" asked Haruka finally and lowered her head to stare into the golden water. "At the opera." The senshi of time sighed deeply and finally shrugged her shoulders. "You know her, she simply can't say no when her conductor calls her. At least not when they want to record a CD. It's hard to handle such a big orchestra and Michi's the first violin. She is very important to the whole CD and so she agreed and left. But she promised me to be back again in the evening." Haruka nodded, but didn't respond anything. You know her... Do I really know her? Really? No, because then I would have understand her behaviour. At that moment the telephone rang. Setsuna let go of Haruka's hand and looked shortly at her watch. It was past noon, surely her parents called again to ask when they would meet at hospital. "Drink your tea and get yourself ready, Haruka. I'll tell my parents that we'll meet in hospital, ok?" Haruka only nodded and grabbed again the spoon. It shook but she managed to stir in her tea. Silently she watched how the sugar dissolved. She went away to record a CD. After a day like that one. Well, maybe that's simply the way a musician reacts. Are you sure? I am not a musician. Right, you aren't a musician, you aren't a senshi. You are a nothing! Oh, leave me alone! "Haruka!" There was something in Setsuna's voice that let Haruka stiffen. Motionless she watched the young woman stumbling into the kitchen. Suddenly the senshi of time seemed to move in slow motion. Her face was pale and her long, green hairs hang around her like a dark cape. Her dark eyes were sparkling with uncried tears. No. Not this! No, please, no. "It was the hospital. There are complications with Himme-chan's new heart." Setsuna gulped, spoke out the words Haruka didn't want to hear. "Big complications." This must be a nightmare. God, please, let it me have just a bad nightmare and let me wake up again. Please! But she knew that it wasn't a nightmare. She wasn't sleeping. This was reality. And it showed her again that someone like she didn't have the right to dream of a better life. "Haruka? Did you understand me? We need to hurry up! It's urgent!" Setsuna grabbed Haruka's right arm and pulled the still paralysed girl with her. None of them cared that they stumbled over the chair and the tea. They both didn't see the golden water dropping down on the white floor. Forming a small sea. *** Haruka didn't understand the doctor's words. The whole world turned into a movie, a really bad movie, and she was only the audience, watching it with rising panic and horror. Setsuna drove her car like a maniac and surely she would have to explain a lot to the police who tried to catch them but failed at the third red traffic light. Now the young woman was standing right beside her, talking to Dr. Sugara-san who didn't smile any longer. Now the older man looked very serious - and sad. "Her little body doesn't accept the new heart. We need to operate again. Quickly. We need your agreement and..." Haruka heard the doctor's words but she wasn't willing to understand them. They waited for so long for a new heart and finally found a new one, it couldn't just be over like this. All her hopes, all her will, all her strength for her daughter, they couldn't have been in vain. They simply couldn't have been for nothing! "I already called your parents up, Setsuna. They'll be here in some minutes. We'll have to decide quickly." "How dangerous is it?" "I have to be honest, Setsuna. When we don't operate, she won't survive this evening." "Shimatta!" It was the first time that Haruka heard Setsuna curse so loudly, but still she didn't react. She couldn't look at the doctor, because looking at him, hearing his words and finally understanding them with her mind, it would have meant to accept reality. A reality that was too cruel to face. "How are her chances if we operate quickly?" Haruka didn't understand how Setsuna was able to ask so many questions, yet to find so many questions in her head. Haruka's was empty, just like her mind seemed to be frozen. "Twenty percent - at the most." Haruka automatically went away. No one stopped her. No one held her back. Obviously they waited for Setsuna's parents and wanted to let her her peace to think about the near future, while another one was as far away as it had never been. Twenty percent. Again... The voices of the doctor and the senshi of time died away. Haruka was thankful for that. She wasn't sure how long she could have been able to listen to the conversation any longer. It was like listening to a stranger's operation. The facts were so cruel that Haruka knew once she had to see that they were talking about her daughter's operation, she would go crazy. Himme-chan... Haruka stopped and looked through the class window. It was the same window she had looked through just some hours ago. When they all thought that Himme-chan would make it. That the little girl would grow up and be a healthy, cheeky girl one day. Everything looked so fantastic just some hours ago. Now Haruka was standing again at an abyss. Knowing that she wouldn't overcome this one as easily as she did overcome the last one. Whatever happened on the street when she took those drugs, it wouldn't happen again. Her daughter had been a little wonder to her. She gave her the will and the strength to get clean, to live again, to hope for a better future. I can't live without her. I simply can't. Haruka gulped and pressed her hands against the glass, seeing only the small glass container standing in the middle of the room. There were machines around it Haruka hadn't seen in the morning. They were making noises the tall girl could even hear on the outside on the corridor. A nurse opened the near door, shortly greeted her and hurried away. Haruka looked at her and then again to her daughter. Then she looked around on the corridor and finally entered the room. It was empty. There was no nurse nor doctor around. There was only Haruka and her daughter. Left in a world that never accepted them, never wanted them. Twenty percent... Haruka took a shaky breath and went over to her daughter's glassy bed. The whole world seemed to spin around her and the tall girl felt like throwing up, but she knew that she wasn't allowed to be sick, to be weak, to be a cowards. Finally, after five endless steps, she reached the container and her daughter lying in it. She didn't look like her little Hotaru any longer. Suddenly she was even tinier than Haruka could remember. Her eyes were shut and she couldn't even clench her fists any longer. The way she had always done when she slept deep and tight. Her chest was wrapped into different bandages and her little mouth and nose were covered with hoses that helped her breathe. Or did they even make her breathe? Was Hotaru's new heart still able to let the little girl breathe on her own? Haruka didn't know, but she guessed that the machines making different noises confirmed her worst nightmares. Different drips were connected to tiny arms and Haruka asked herself how they could hold on the thin skin. Himme-chan... Haruka wasn't able to say it out loud. To talk to her daughter, to call her by her nickname. Twenty percent... The tall girl gulped and didn't even notice how two tears escaped her eyes. Her view was blurred, but not blurred enough to ignore the cruel picture in front of her. Her daughter was merely alive. All that kept her in this world were those machines. And another operation they didn't know if there would be any success. There was a eighty percent chance that this little girl would die in the operation room. With her chest being cut open. After even more pain than she had experienced over the last days, weeks, months. Since her birth. So much pain. Too much pain... Haruka gulped. And gulped again. Then she turned around and locked the door. She didn't care to darken the room. She didn't think of the nurses or doctors that might look through the class window. She only didn't want them to come near her daughter again. To hurt her again with those knifes and those injections. Her Himme-chan already experienced too much pain for nothing. It was over. Haruka would no one let ever hurt her daughter again. Never! Himme-chan... She wanted to speak it out loud, but her voice broke before she could even manage to say a single syllable. Haruka bowed over the coffin of glass and carefully, very carefully brought her daughter into her arms and to her chest. The baby was so light, so motionless, so tiny... More tears ran over Haruka's face as she bowed down to kiss the tiny forehead. Hotaru didn't react. She didn't smack in her dreams, she didn't stretch her tiny hands towards her mother, she didn't even open her eyes to look at Haruka. To laugh at her not only with her mouth but also with the sparkle in her sea green eyes. I love you. I will always love you. Haruka gulped and her arms trembled as she started to rock the small baby in her arms. Her daughter who wouldn't survive the operation. Twenty percent... Hotaru was not strong enough any longer to bare all this pain. Haruka wasn't willing to put Hotaru in even more pain that she surely was already in. Himme-chan. My little sunshine... Again she remembered the day of Hotaru's birth. Was it really only half a year ago? Did her life chance so much during just six months? Haruka couldn't imagine any longer a life without her daughter. Maybe a lot of nurses, some doctors and surely more than just one social worker told her that it was a fault to keep her and not to abort or to gave her away, but Haruka knew better. If she had the chance to live her life again, she would do the same she had done. She would go again on the street, she would live again that nightmare, when she had again the chance to get to know Himme-chan. She had been worth every nightmare, every humiliation, every moment of despair. Haruka could remember too well the day when she held this baby for the first time in her arms. For this moment she would walk through hell and back. Again. For her she would do anything. The tall woman stroked over fluffy, dark hairs, but still the girl didn't react. Hai, for Himme-chan she would do anything, even give up her own life. The harder was the realisation that she couldn't do anything for her. That she had to stay beside her bed of glass and watch her helplessly. Her little darling who was in so much pain. Just because of her mother. Just because Haruka had been drug addicted, Hotaru's heart took damage. Just because Haruka had been so damn poor, she couldn't go to a doctor earlier. Maybe there would have been a bigger chance when Hotaru would have seen a doctor earlier in her life, when Dr. Sugara-san would have taken care of her from her birth on and not shortly before her death. It's all my fault, Himme-chan. Will you ever be able to forgive me? Haruka sobbed quietly, knowing that she would never be able to forgive herself. She wanted to be a good mother. She wanted always to be there for her daughter and to protect her against all the evil waiting in the cruel world. She wanted to love her daughter with all her heart - even if she was only eighteen and more than one doctor told her that she was too young to be a good mother. They were all right. I am a bad mother. I couldn't rescue you, Himme-chan, although I promised you to be there for you. I... Haruka gulped and kissed again the tiny forehead. I should be the one lying there. Being dead ill. Dying... I should be the one. I! Not you! I! Haruka took a deep breath and tried to hum a sweet melody. She failed miserably. Twenty percent. Haruka glanced at the machines, at the hoses and the needles. At her daughter's lifeless face. Almost feeling the pain the little body had to experience. No, they won't cut you open again, Himme-chan! They won't hurt you any longer! This pain has to end. Finally! Haruka held her daughter tighter and stepped nearer to the machines, making so many different noises. Noises that drove the tall girl crazy. You'll never have to suffer again, Himme-chan. I won't let you suffer again, I promise. Don't worry, I'll keep that promise. Haruka raised her hand, not hearing how someone knocked at the door. She didn't hear the screams outside the room, she didn't hear how someone tried to smash the glass window. Haruka only saw her daughter lying in her arms. Like a wax figure. Like a puppet. Like a little girl who deserved a better life than the one this world could offer. I love you, Himme-chan. I love you with all my heart. You know that, Himme-chan, right? You know that your mommy loves you. Haruka gulped and switched off the first machine. The noise died away and the drips stopped to work. Carefully the tall girl put away the needles and caressed over bruised skin. No more pain. It's too much. Never again, Himme-chan. You won't have to suffer any longer. Haruka switched off the second and the third machine. The silence that welcomed her was dreamy. Hotaru didn't move in her arms. She only laid there and stopped to breathe. Don't worry, Himme-chan. You don't have to wait for too long. Soon I'll be with you again and then I'll take better care of you, ok? In another world without so much pain, without so much suffering, without so much mourning. Haruka smiled under her tears and rocked the lifeless baby tenderly in her arms. I love you, Himme-chan. I love you. Haruka's smile deepened as the door was finally smashed. *** Michiru didn't know where she put her violin. She couldn't remember what she said to her conductor nor did she remember his face or his reaction. Somehow she managed to get to the hospital, but the way through the street was mystery for her. She simply couldn't recall it. After she received a phone call by her sister, everything was unreal with a sudden. Everything blurred and she seemed to be the only moving part in a frozen world as she ran through the hospital corridors. She didn't have to search for long. Setsuna and Dr. Sugara-san were standing near the intensive care unit where Himme-chan laid and talked to each other. Michiru didn't like their looks on their faces. No, she didn't like their expressions at all. "What happened?" she shouted, gasping for breath. Setsuna turned around and by the tears in her eyes Michiru knew that the worst happened. No! Please not! Not Himme-chan. God, please, not her! Michiru saw how her bigger sister gulped and was able to talk to her at the third try. "We need to operate again. Everything is ready, Haruka and you only have to sign the papers." "Nani?" "Her body won't accept her new heart." Said the doctor and put his hand symphatically on her right shoulder. "I am sorry, but only this operation will save her young life." "Does she get a new heart?" "No. We don't have a new one. She'll get an artificial one." Michiru shivered. Of course she had heard about this method, too. She knew how tiny the chances were to survive with an artificial one for a longer time. It was a painful procedure and it was very dangerous. "Her chances?" "Twenty percent. At the maximum." Twenty percent. Shimatta! Michiru gulped, too overwhelmed by the situation. It seemed as if her whole world was breaking down over her and she wasn't able to hold together the few pieces she could catch. The next moment her own fears were gone and replaced by a wave of despair and guilt. She gasped hard for breath and stumbled back. She would have fallen down if Setsuna wouldn't have grabbed her arm to hold her back. "Michi? Everything alright? Michi?!?!" From far away she could hear her sister's voice, but she couldn't reply. The feelings were too intense. They filled her whole body, seemed to suffocate her. Seemed to fill her whole world. No, they won't cut you open again, Himme-chan! They won't hurt you any longer! This pain has to end. Finally! < The thoughts filled her mind, but were gone before she could react. Clearly she could see the lifeless body before her and for one moment she thought she was holding little Hotaru in her arms. Her stomach turned into stone and her forehead seemed to burn. No! Michiru's eyes grew wide and she freed herself out of Setsuna's supporting embrace. "Where's Ruka?" she didn't notice that she screamed. She didn't see how Setsuna and the doctor exchanged glances, how they both got suddenly very pale. Automatically she ran along the corridor, not knowing where she was running to, but being sure that it was the right direction. No, Ruka! No. Not when there's still a chance. No matter how tiny it is. Please, Ruka... no... She almost crashed into the glass window where she had talked to Haruka just some hours ago. That everything was fine. That they should go home and get some sleep. That Hotaru would survive it, that she would be a strong, healthy girl soon. Oh, I had been so wrong. So damn wrong. Michiru glanced through the window and her heart almost stopped to beat. She saw Haruka standing there, holding a small bundle in her arms. Surely little Hotaru, because the bed of glass was empty. Tears were streaming over Haruka's cheeks as she rocked the small baby in her arms. There was the saddest smile on Haruka's pale face Michiru had ever seen before in her life. It made her heart break. I understand her. Michiru gulped and clenched her hands. I understand her, but that's not the solution. It can't be the solution. It mustn't be! "Ruka!" she screamed and knocked against the glass as hard as she could. But she couldn't smash it. "Ruka! Stop it! Ruka!" Her forehead burned even more, it almost hurt. But she didn't care about it. She only saw Haruka how she went over to the machines to switch them off. And to switch off Himme-chan's life with them. "NO!" Michiru shook her head, not noticing how action evolved around her. The corridor was suddenly filled with shouts. Somewhere there was Setsuna and her parents and Dr. Sugara-san and all the other people who worked in this hospital or were patients, too. Michiru didn't notice them any longer. She only saw a desperate Haruka and a dying Hotaru. The two most important persons in her life. "NO!!!!!!!!!!!" Without thinking Michiru raised her fists and spoke out the spell she had shouted for so many times. To fight against youmas and to defeat them. Now she was fighting, again. Against the worst youma she could imagine. Now she was fighting against fate. Not caring that she could only lose. "Blue submerge!" The door smashed and she stepped through it. Haruka raised her head and looked over to her. Still she was rocking her daughter in her arms. A little, a lovely girl. A dying girl. Tears sparkled in dark green eyes and Michiru felt how her cheeks got wet, too. "Ruka." She whispered and stretched her arms towards Himme-chan. But the tall girl backed away, almost stumbled over some drips, lying in a red lake. It looked is if they were bleeding. "Please, Ruka. Give her to me. I am sure there's another way." "No." Managed the blonde to speak and her voice was incredibly hoarse. "She experienced already too much pain." Haruka shook her head and held her daughter a little bit tighter. "Sometimes we have to let go." "But I don't want to let go!" screamed Michiru and was the next moment by Haruka's side. Wildly she crept Haruka's right shoulder and turned her towards her self. "I don't want to let go! I love her too much!" Haruka's eyes looked suddenly very tiredly down to her, then she smiled again that sad smile. "That's why I save her all this pain, Michi." "NO!" Michiru grabbed harder for the tall girl and her forehead felt as if it would explode. It burned like hell and suddenly she knew that her senshi sign glowed brightly. Nani? Why is it reacting right now? There's no youma around. No real youma, anyway. Another light evolved in the room and as Michiru turned her head, she saw the other sign. A small sign on a tiny forehead. Himme-chan? At that moment the little girl opened her sea green eyes and the world sank in darkness. *** Elza yawned deeply as she opened her eyes. "Sissy?" she marbled and slowly left the empty bed. Not that she would have awaited the young woman to lay next to her and to hold her tight in her tender arms... But nevertheless it would have been fantastic to wake up this way. Maybe with a good-morning kiss. Good morning? Good afternoon! Elza looked at the clock and stumbled through Setsuna's rooms towards the kitchen. But even there was no one. No coffee drinking Setsuna who tried to awake a little bit more. No Michiru even eating her breakfast egg with mustard. No silent Haruka feeding her little daughter. Oh yes... the operation. But everything went well. Elza grinned satisfied and went over to the fridge to get something to eat. She couldn't eat anything the last night, she had been too frightened of the operation. Still her eyes burned a little bit and still she felt exhausted from the crying. Hope Sissy don't think that I am a crybaby. Well... otherwise... what does she really think about me? Elza's thought were interrupted as she slipped and almost crashed against the fridge. Angry she turned around and looked for some seconds at the mess before her. She didn't see the knocked over chair for the first moment nor did she notice the broken cup of tea. The fluid was covering the whole floor and no one seemed to have cared about cleaning it. Nani? Elza frowned and stroked some wild strands of her red hair behind her ears. Tiredly she stumbled back to the front door and opened it. Chilly wind welcomed her and she winced because of the cold. The cars were gone. Both cars. Michiru's and Setsuna's. Nani? They are gone? Why didn't they tell me where they went to? Elza scratched her right cheek and went to the telephone to ring Setsuna's cell phone up and to ask her what the hell was going on. At that moment she saw the light blinking on the answering machine. *** The hospital room disappeared and as Michiru turned around she saw that she was floating in the air. In darkness. There were some planets around her. Far, far away. She could recognize the earth far below and near to her was a planet with a lot of rings. Uranus? Saturn? She frowned but didn't waste another thought of it as she saw the shadown running towards her. Nani? Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw a small girl running towards him. She was ten, maybe eleven years old. And she was definitively a senshi. Her clothes were similar to Michiru's, or better Sailor Neptune's ones. The fuku consisted of a dark purple and white. The fourth outer senshi? The senshi of destruction? The senshi of rebirth? Sailor Saturn? Michiru blinked and knew that she was right when she saw the huge scythe the girl was holding tight in her hands. Although it seemed to be double as tall as the girl, she could handle it very well. "Mommy?" asked the fourth senshi with a nice, tender voice and laughed happily. The next moment Michiru's arms were full with that girl who hugged her tightly. "Don't worry, mommy, I won't leave you alone. Because I love you." The little senshi raised her head and Michiru looked into a smiling face surrounded by shoulder long, dark hairs. Dark green eyes, Michiru knew too well, sparkled as the fourth outer senshi looked up to her. Trustfully. "You love me, too, right?" Michiru nodded and hugged the girl in return. "Of course, Himme-chan. Of course." *** The hospital room disappeared and as Haruka turned around she saw that she was floating in the air. In darkness. There were some planets around her. Far, far away. She could recognize the earth far below and near to her was a planet with a lot of rings. But she couldn't name it. It wasn't important to her. Anything was unimportant to her. Anything except her daughter. Where am I? Haruka backed away, holding her daughter protecting against her chest, shielding her with her arms. Slightly she remembered that place. But, it couldn't be true, could it? It had been just a dream she had when she took too many drugs and wanted to die, hadn't it? Nani? A shadow dissolved from the darkness and she saw a small girl coming over to her. She wore strange clothes, just like the once Michiru and Setsuna wore when they fought against a youma. Those were the clothes of a senshi. Clothes Haruka had never been able to wear. "Hello, daddy." Smiled the girl and her dark green eyes sparkled as she stepped closer. Automatically Haruka tried to escape, but the girl only shock her head. "It's okay." She whispered and stood on her tiptoes to take a look at the tiny baby lying lifeless in Haruka's strong, protecting arms. "I am sorry for all the pain I put you in." The small girl raised her hands and stroked loving over fluffy, dark hairs. Over a sweaty forehead. Suddenly a sign glowed there. It was the same sign that seemed shine on the small girl's forehead as well. "A lot went wrong in the past, daddy. So I had to play with the future and the fate a little bit. Hope Sailor Pluto will never know it, otherwise I'll get house arrest." The fourth outer senshi snickered and Haruka frowned even more. She didn't understand anything, but her daughter started to breathe again. Her pale cheeks got redden and her tiny fists grabbed for Haruka's shirt. That was everything that counted. Maybe this was a dream, maybe this place was reality, as long as it gave her daughter another chance, Haruka would have accepted everything. "Today's my day of birth, daddy. My real day of birth. From other parents. But now they have another fate, so I hope they won't be sad that they never got a baby." Sailor Saturn stroked tenderly over little Hotaru's cheeks and laughed as the girl opened her eyes and smiled curiously at her. "I couldn't let you die on that street that night, daddy. Your decision wasn't planned, your death wasn't supposed to happen. So I came back to earth earlier than I was allowed. But I guess you can't change the fate of two persons at once." Sailor Saturn gently took Haruka's right shoulder and forced her to bow a little bit. Haruka was too stunned to resist. "Today I'll be reborn again. Just as it was planned by the universe. Take care of me." The fourth senshi kissed Haruka on her cheeks and smiled loving. "And don't be too hard when I'll be afraid of the dark at the age of four." The blonde blinked confused, still not able to understand. "Love this baby, Sailor Uranus." Now that was something Haruka did understand. At least the first part of the sentence. She held her giggling daughter tighter and nodded, tears sparkling in her eyes. "As I will love you, too, daddy." *** The universe disappeared and the hospital room came back into focus. The room was filled with doctors who grabbed for Hotaru to put her back to the machines. Haruka tried to hold her daughter back, but the doctors and nurses were too determined. Someone yelled at her, then she was pushed away. Violently. Nani? Michiru blinked and saw how they all froze as Hotaru stared to scream. Her little fists were clenched and tears streamed over her redden cheeks. It was obvious that she wanted to be again in her mother's embrace and that she didn't like the needles at all the doctors were holding in their hands. Her scream was protesting, angry and loud. As loud as neither Haruka nor Michiru nor Setsuna had ever heard before. It was the scream of a very angry, but also very healthy baby. Himme-chan's Sailor Saturn. Our little girl is the fourth outer senshi. Michiru suddenly started to laugh as Hotaru grabbed for a horse of a drip and tried to beat a doctor with it. She simply couldn't stop. Even after Dr. Sugara-san took Hotaru in his arms and looked totally confused at her. *** "Do you believe in wonders?" Dr. Sugara-san looked at the Meioh-family and Haruka. They were all standing around a normal child's bed at the child's unit of the hospital. They weren't any longer at the intensive care unit. There was no reason any longer for Hotaru to lay there. I believe in devil and the world to be a disc if that would help Himme-chan to get healthy again. Haruka leaned forward and stroke over her daughter's cheeks. The doctors did a lot of tests with her and after a lot of screaming and protesting little Hotaru got tired and finally fell asleep. Knowing that her mother and all the other so important persons in her tiny life were there. Right next to her. "If it helps Himme-chan, I'll believe in wonders or whatever you want me to believe in." Said Michiru and sighed relieved as she saw the smile on Dr. Sugara-san's face. It was a confused smile, but it was a happy smile. Only a doctor who had good news would smile this way. "So, how is she feeling, doctor?" asked Setsuna pleading. "What happened?" wanted the Meioh parents to know. "I really have no idea what happened." Gave Dr. Sugara-san in, but his smile deepened as little Hotaru grabbed in her dreams for her mother's thumb. There was a small smile on Haruka's pale face, too. A young woman who surely had seen a lot of pain in her young life. Dr. Sugara-san looked over to the attentive faces of the Meioh family and knew that Haruka was save with them. Whatever would happen, she would always have someone who liked her in those people. Just like little Hotaru would have great grandparents. "But whatever it was, our Hotaru is healthy. There are some strange things about her, just that she's suddenly as small as a new born baby and that I couldn't find any wounds of the yesterday's operation, but her heart is fine, her whole body is fine and I am sure that she'll make your nights to days with her loud voice." For a moment there was silent in the room. Disbelieving silence. "Her body finally accepted the new heart?" asked Aiko and blinked as tears burned in her eyes. Tears of relieve. "Not a new heart. It looks as if she has her own heart and it is okay..." the doctor quietened, because his words didn't make any sense at all. He had the feeling that this girl lying over there and sleeping was another baby but on the other hand she was still the same. Only younger. Healthier. Newer. Somehow... "So whatever happened, it means that Himme-chan is a normal child and will grow up." Asked Setsuna, playing with her long, green hairs. As always when she was nervous. "She won't have to die?" now Michiru couldn't hold back the question piercing in her soul. "No. Congratulations, but you have a normal, healthy girl who hates injections." Smiled Dr. Sugara-san and was happy as he saw the relieved expressions on different faces. You don't have to die. Haruka didn't understand the doctor's words nor did she understand what happened during the last hours. But she did understand what those words meant. You'll grow up, Himme-chan. You'll be a cheeky, little girl, dancing on my nerves. You'll wake me up in the night and in one year I'll chase you through the whole house, because then you'll have discovered that running is much funnier than lying there and looking curiously around. Haruka gulped and felt suddenly very dizzy. You'll live, my little princess. I won't lose you. I will see you becoming a beautiful girl, going to school, having a partner one day. I'll see you happy. I will be able to be there for you all your life. A long, long life. I will be able to love you. Haruka sighed happily and tried to seize on the bed's frame. Suddenly the world was spinning around her. But she didn't notice it. She only stared at her daughter. Her healthy daughter, sleeping deep and tight in her bed. Holding her dolphin tight. Whoever made this gift, thank you. Arigato. Setsuna's father was there to catch her as Haruka fainted with a silent sob. Arigato. *** It had been a long day. Setsuna sat on the corridor, staring at her cell phone in her hands. Michiru was at Haruka's room, watching over the still unconscious girl. The doctor calmed them down. He said that Haruka simply didn't get enough sleep during the past days, that she probably didn't eat enough and that it had simply too much stress for her. Dr. Sugara-san said that it was the shock and that she needed just a little bit to lay down and to relax, then a big meal and soon she would be fine again. As we'll hopefully will be fine again, too. The Meioh parents were still with Hotaru and talked to the doctor. Setsuna let them. They already accepted Hotaru as their granddaughter, why shouldn't they react like concerned grandparents, then? Himme-chan's the fourth outer senshi. Our Himme-chan's Sailor Saturn! Setsuna shook her head, still remembering Michiru's excited words right after the wonder, as they all called it, happened. Of course they would everyone let believe in their wonder, although they knew it better. It hadn't been a wonder, it had been a Sailor senshi business. Still Setsuna didn't understand the whole situation, but she did understand a lot more after she knew about the fact of Sailor Saturn. Surely Haruka wasn't a senshi, but she had been pregnant with Hotaru when Michiru met her, right? Surely Michiru had seen the sign of the unborn senshi in Haruka and searched for her because of it. So Haruka's not the third outer senshi. But does it matter? No. She's the mother of the fourth outer senshi and she is our friend. Right? Right. Setsuna leaned her head against the wall behind her and closed her burning eyes. She needed to talk to Michiru. Urgently. About this senshi stuff and about the future. She needed to know Michiru's honest opinions. She needed to know about her feelings and about her plans. Then they could see further. But Setsuna was pretty sure that their future had a little girl in it. A little daredevil, driving them all crazy and wanting to ride on Orpheus. A little girl who ran through the whole house, splashing her food and trying to creep into their beds in the middle of the night, because she was afraid of the dark. Setsuna smiled happily at that thought. She couldn't await those times. "Sissy?!" The young woman opened her eyes and they grew wide as she saw the person standing in front of her. It was Elza. Her fire red hairs were messed, her face place. There were traces of tears on her cheeks. But now her eyes were sparkling with anger. "Why _ didn't _ you _ call _ me _ up?" Every word seemed to be like a whip on Setsuna's soul. Of course she tried to call Elza up, but that had been long after the doctor told them that Hotaru was fine. Somehow Setsuna didn't think of the girl. There had been so much hectic around, so many strange things happened, somehow Setsuna thought that Elza was safer at home in her bed, sleeping. She wouldn't have been a help, and after Hotaru screamed for the first time really loud at the doctors, Setsuna simply forgot Elza. Now she felt sorry. Deeply sorry. But Elza didn't look as if she would accept her apology now. Maybe she wouldn't accept it ever again. "You left the house and simply left me behind! While Himme-chan almost died!" now Elza was screaming. Tears filled her eyes again and rolled again over her cheeks. Elza raised her hands to wipe them away, but she only struggled with the coat that was too tall for her. It was one of Setsuna's and right at that moment the tall woman saw that the girl was still wearing her pyjama under it. Her pyjama and slippers. "Elza-chan..." "No, I don't want to hear your silly excuses! You simply forgot me! You simply left me behind in that house. I didn't know what was going on until I heard it on the answering machine. Hell, Sissy! Himme-chan could have died and I wouldn't have been there to say goodbye!" Setsuna gulped and felt even worse. "Elza-chan..." she stood up and went over to the trembling girl. "Elza-chan, please, let me explain." She wanted to tell her everything. About their mission, about her being the senshi of time, about Hotaru being Sailor Saturn. Elza had the right to get to know the truth. To understand why she had to react this way... and then maybe to forgive her that she really forgot her afterwards. "No! I don't need any explanations. Haruka's here, of course, Michi's here just like your parents. They all belong to your family. So it's pretty normal that you brought them here. Them, but not me. I am not part of your family. You showed that often to me. Thanks, I won't forget it again." Setsuna looked deeply into tear filled, desperate sparkling eyes and before she knew what she was doing, she had embraced the smaller girl and stopped her so wrong words with a determined kiss. Elza was too shocked to reply. She was even too stunned to say anything more as Setsuna stopped the kiss, without letting her go at all. Still strong arms were rapped around Elza's body. And again she had to realize that she didn't want them to disappear. Shimatta, whatever happened, she still loved this woman in front of her. Some more tears ran over Elza's cheeks, but she couldn't say anything. It was the first time that Setsuna showed her love so openly. Not caring about the people who could see them. For the first time Setsuna kissed Elza. Finally... "You belong to my family, Elza-chan. Don't tell me that you never noticed! You belong to my family..." Setsuna took a shaking breath and held her Elza a little bit tighter. Suddenly all the doubts she had felt just some hours ago were gone. Suddenly all the questions didn't seem to be important any longer. Sure she still wasn't sure about her future, but she was damn sure that whatever it would held, Elza would be a part of it, too. "... as you belong to me, Elza-chan. I love you." Now it was out. For the first time out loud. Finally Setsuna was able to say those words she wanted so badly to tell Elza for so many years. Feelings Elza had seen in the black and white world after she touched Setsuna's strange staff. Finally, after so long, five years. More tears streamed over Elza's cheeks. Still she couldn't reply. Setsuna watched her for some moments, then she giggled silently. "That's the first time that I see you so silent, little one." Elza managed a shaky smile, then she pulled her arms around Setsuna's shoulders and returned the kiss with all her feelings. It was the sweetest reply Setsuna had ever got. *** "Sleep tight, my little princess." Haruka bowed over her daughter and kissed her gently good night. It was now a week that the wonder, as Dr. Sugara-san called it, happened. Just to be sure he kept Hotaru some more days to examine her and to see that everything was really fine with her. Haruka stayed in hospital as well. She felt incredibly exhausted and slept almost the whole time. But whenever she woke up, Michiru was by her side. They talked about Hotaru, about Michiru's parents and about the good results of the tests Dr. Sugara-san did with the little girl. But they didn't talk about the future. Michiru had fulfilled her part of the contract. Hotaru was healthy again. Haruka bit on her lower lip as she closed the door carefully behind her and went silently downstairs. It was late in the evening, she didn't want her daughter to wake up again. Hai, Michiru had fulfilled her contract. Haruka wasn't sure if she could fulfil her part as well. Over the past months she couldn't transform. She couldn't become that Sailor Uranus nor could she really fight against those youmas. To be honest, she still didn't understand the meaning of all this senshi stuff. I need to talk to Michi. Of course she would do whatever Michiru wanted her to do. If she wanted her to try to transform, she would try it as hard a possible. If she wanted her to keep fighting against youmas, she would fight. But if she wanted her to go... Haruka was incredibly thankful that Hotaru was a little, healthy girl, but she didn't know what the future might hold for them. Michiru didn't talk about her plans while Haruka stayed in hospital. She didn't talk again about what happened the morning after Hotaru's operation. None of them talked about their feelings, but Haruka didn't dare to make a start. She wasn't in the position to tell the beautiful sea goddess that she fell in love with her. Somehow she had the feeling that she didn't even have the right to feel this way. "Okay, Michi. But before we'll discuss this, I want you to answer me some questions!" Haruka stopped by the door to the living room as she heard Setsuna's voice. It was harder than normal and more determined. The blonde wanted to enter the room and to take part at that discussion, but at the same time she didn't want to interrupt them. The same her legs didn't obey her any longer and stayed where they were. "This girl up there is, just say it directly, a total stranger you met on the street?" Setsuna's sentence sounded more like a statement than a question. "Sissy..." Michiru's voice sounded tortured. "Just answer my question!" "Hai." "And the only reason why you searched for her and finally brought her home is that you believed to see the sign of Uranus on her forehead." "Sissy..." "In the beginning I think those were your reasons, weren't they? You didn't know her." "If you say it this way... hai..." "And because of sympathy." "Sissy!" "Hey, she is eighteen, she has a small, ill child, she has no real education, didn't finish school, just lost her job and only god knows how she got in this situation." "..." There was no reply from Michiru but Haruka didn't need any. Suddenly she felt very ill, but still she couldn't go into the room and see what this conversation was about nor could she turn around and run into her room. To behave that she never heard those humiliating questions. Never heard Michiru's hurting answers. "You didn't see that she was a girl with a lot of problems. You only thought that she is Sailor Uranus and that she could help us with that godsdamit mission!" "I..." "Did she transform? Only once? During the past months?!" Setsuna's voice was as sharp as a knife. Haruka could feel it piercing her soul, dragging right through her already hurting heart. "No..." "Right, she didn't. Not even during the past fights when you both had been in real danger. I think if she was a senshi she would have transformed in life danger. But she didn't. Not even once. Hotaru's the fourth outer senshi. I guess what you had seen in Haruka had been the signs of Sailor Saturn, not of Sailor Uranus. It wasn't Haruka you had been looking for in that evening, it had been Hotaru." There was an audible gulp from the young violinist. "Hm... and why did you help Hotaru by the way? Just because of sympathy? Or because you thought she was Sailor Uranus' daughter? Or was it because you know that you would never be able to have a baby on your own?" "Sissy..." Michi isn't able to have a baby? Suddenly all the moments came back to Haruka when she asked Michiru for some sanitary towels and the young violinist reacted so strangely. Now Haruka understood why Michiru had been so curious about the birth and wanted to know so much about it. Surely that was the reason - the only reason - why Michiru was so friendly and so crazy about Hotaru from the first moment she saw her. Really? Do you really think so? Haruka gulped but before she could respond to her inner voice, Setsuna's hard questions continued. "So let's see the situation as it is! Upstairs there's a girl you hardly know where she comes from. She is uneducated, she has no family, she has no friends, no home and no money. She is completely depended of you and your decisions. She isn't Sailor Uranus and you don't know if she only behaved as if she would understand you, because she needed your sympathy and your money." Haruka shook her head. She wanted so badly to go into the room and to tell Setsuna that she was talking total nonsense. That it was all wrong she was saying about her. Haruka didn't go with Michiru that afternoon because of the money. Of course she went with her because of her daughter - which mother wouldn't have done the same for her ill child? But whatever would have happened, she would have stayed with Michiru. She would have tried to transform to that Sailor Uranus. And even if she wasn't this senshi of the wind, she wanted to protect Michiru. With her bare strengths. Not because of money, not because of sympathy or because of Michiru's rich parents. No, she wanted to stay with her because she loved her... "And there's a little girl upstairs who's your goddaughter now. She is Sailor Saturn and she belongs to us. Just like she belongs to her mother. So, how will you decide? Do you want to throw Haruka out and to care for Hotaru all on your own? Or do you want to take care of Hotaru and keep Haruka, because she simply belongs to her daughter? Or what are you planning to do? Upstairs there's the fourth senshi, but the third one is still missing. Haruka's not Sailor Uranus, that's obvious. And to be honest, she's a no one. A nothing. Someone who you can never be sure of if she not only takes your money and laughs behind your back about your stupidity!" Setsuna's voice was merciless. Haruka bit on her lower lip and clenched her fists. But she wasn't able to go into the room and to ask her sharply how she came to such a strange idea. She wanted so badly to go to Michiru and explain her that she didn't want her money. That she would never laugh about her. That the sea beauty wasn't stupid, but beautiful. That Haruka would try to work after school to get some money or to do other things, maybe cleaning the house, to earn her right to be here. She wasn't a parasite! She could work, really. And as long as she hadn't to cook, no one would be angry with her. I love you, Michi. Don't you see? "You are right, Sissy. Haruka did a lot of mistakes. She got pregnant at a very young age. She couldn't take care of Hotaru the way she should have. The way she finally could do here. It is right, she has no money and needs it from me to go to school again and to pay Hotaru's hospital bills. And it is right that she never transformed to Sailor Uranus. I am pretty sure that she is not the third senshi we are looking for, but Hotaru is the fourth outer senshi and we need that little girl for our mission..." Haruka's eyes grew wide as she heard the icy voice of Michiru. Agreeing with Setsuna that she, Haruka, was a parasite. A nothing. Someone she only accepted because of Hotaru... Why didn't she tell me earlier? Why didn't she tell me directly? Why did she smile at me and think so badly in her mind instead? Haruka gulped and turned around. She didn't want to hear anything more of that conversation. It already hurt too much. She didn't need the other one's sympathy nor their false friendship. She had hoped to find a real family here. Real friends. Maybe even real love. Now after all those words she had to see that it all had been only a fake. They had been so friendly to her because they thought that she was Sailor Uranus. Now that they saw that she wasn't, they only kept her because Hotaru was Sailor Saturn. Michiru doesn't love me! Of course she doesn't! No one loves someone like you! But I really thought... What did you think? That she loves you just because of that hour you shared with her that morning? But... Hey, that's what girls like you are made for, right? To get fucked. But... She paid one million yen for you. That's a lot more than you are worth! But... You made a contract with her. You couldn't fulfil your part, so maybe she thought, that she could have at least a little bit fun with you for that much money! No! Michi's not like those guys! She's... Oh, she's someone special? Of course she is! Did you hear her words right now? Did you hear HOW special she is??? ... Haruka walked slowly upstairs and sat down in front of her daughter's bed. Maybe I am worth to be part of that family when I have a little bit money myself. When I am educated enough to get a better job. When I showed them that I don't want their money but simply their friendship and love? Do you really think so? Haruka gulped and stroked with shaking fingers over her daughter's face. I'll never find out when I don't try, right? And your daughter? You can't take her to such a dangerous adventure! Haruka forced away her tears as she bowed over the cradle and took her sleeping daughter into her arms. Carefully she rocked her. Hotaru only made a disturbed face, but she didn't awake. Michi loves her. Everyone loves such a sweet child like her. Hotaru will be save with her. Haruka took a deep breath. Too well she remembered what she promised her daughter just a week ago. In hospital. When she thought that little Hotaru would die. When she got to know that her Himme-chan was healthy, that she would live and grow up. But then Haruka heard again Michiru's voice in her mind, agreeing with Setsuna that she was a parasite. You don't want such a mother, Himme-chan. Right? As I want to have a real life. I can't live with such a big lie any longer, Himme-chan. Not again. Haruka held her daughter tighter and it looked as if she never wanted to let go again. *** "You are right, Sissy. Haruka did a lot of mistakes. She got pregnant at a very young age. She couldn't take care of Hotaru the way she should have. The way she finally could do here. It is right, she has no money and needs it from me to go to school again and to pay Hotaru's hospital bills. And it is right that she never transformed to Sailor Uranus. I am pretty sure that she is not the third senshi we are looking for, but Hotaru is the fourth outer senshi and we need that little girl for our mission..." Michiru took a deep breath and looked directly into her sister's serious face. "But in some other parts you are wrong, Sissy. Very wrong. Ruka has a family. She has her little daughter. Just like she has us. Did you see the look in mommy's face? Finally she has her so long awaited granddaughter. And why shouldn't they accept Haruka the way they accepted me eight years ago? Why shouldn't she get the second chance I got, too? I had no money then, I spent some weeks on the street, too. I broke up with school and it was not a nice living out there, believe me. But I met you, Sissy. You and mommy and daddy. They gave me hold and a family. It is right, Haruka became a mother at a very young age, but she cares for her child. She wasn't so happy to meet your parents who could save her. I don't want to know what would have happened to me when I wouldn't have met you, Sissy. Haruka survived that hell out there. I guess I would have died!" Michiru took a deep breath and tried to calm down her nerves. "Maybe she's Sailor Uranus, maybe she's not. It is right, it used to be important to me, but then she was a stranger. You are right. But during the past months she got a friend of mine. A real good friend. I care for her, Sissy. No matter who she had been and no matter who she is not. I like her for the person she is now! Just like I love Himme-chan. Hey, you know that little daredevil, who wouldn't love that little girl. It's not because I am infertile, it's simply..." Michiru shook her head. "Guess I brought them both home, because I had seen so much of myself in them. But during the last weeks I realized that they belong to me. To us, Sissy." Michiru straightened and raised her hands defensively. "It's alike what you think, Sissy, but I won't let them go again. No matter if Haruka's Sailor Uranus or not. Then we have to search for the third senshi again... or try to find the talismans without her. And you know what? Haruka has no money? No problem. She can have as much of mine as she wants to have. Because just eight years ago I had been as poor as she had been. Without your family's love and the second chance you gave me I would have never become the person I am now. Why not wait and see what Haruka becomes once she gets our love and a second chance! Eh?" Michiru was prepared to fight for her Ruka. Of course, it was true what Setsuna had said. It HAD been true. But now... everything changed. And she wasn't willing to lose what she had now just because of some silly thoughts she had had ten weeks ago. "Calm down, Michi." Laughed Setsuna with a sudden and before Michiru could react, she felt how Setsuna embraced her and hugged her loving. "I know all this. I just wanted to hear it from you. I wanted to see your reaction when I confront you with all this ugly stuff, before I plan the future with Haruka and a little child screaming the whole night." Michiru blinked. And blinked again. Then she gulped. "You can be very violent, Sissy." "No, not violent, but honest." Setsuna stroked through sea green hairs and smiled understanding. Relieved that Michiru reacted the way she had hoped for. She didn't know what she would have done when Michiru would have told her that she really wanted to throw Haruka out. "You like her a lot, do you?" Michiru's blush was answer enough and Setsuna had to giggle. It was seldom that her little sister felt embarrassed about anything. "Then go to her and tell her that you, no, that we want her to stay, okay?" Michiru nodded and smiled up to her bigger sister. "Sissy-chan?" "Hai?" "Thanks for everything you've done in the past years for me." "Go before I need a handkerchief." Michiru grinned and showed her tongue. Then she hurried up the stairs. Setsuna watched the empty door for a moment, before she decided to have a little talk herself, too. *** Elza stood in her shower and washed her hairs. It had been a long, exhausting day and she only wanted to clean herself and go to bed. Tomorrow the world would surly look a little bit more friendly - and a little bit clearer again. To be honest, Elza was a little bit disappointed. The whole last week Setsuna was by her side. She had kissed her and held her so tightly. They both spent a lot of time at Hotaru's bedside and talked to the doctor. But in the evening, especially this evening when Hotaru was allowed to finally return home, Setsuna brought her home and left again. Well... it was the normal procedure, that was true. But their life wasn't the way it used to be, right? Setsuna kissed her. She even told her that she loved her. Elza really thought of herself as Setsuna's girlfriend. But why did she leave her all alone yet? Hm... Sissy said something about Michi... Indeed Setsuna told her that she needed to talk to her little sister under four eyes, but nevertheless Elza felt again outcast. Maybe it was wrong, maybe she didn't have any reason to feel alone, but that was the way she felt right now. It's a damn bad excuse that I have school tomorrow. As long as Michiru and Haruka aren't at school I don't want to go to school, too. And as long as Himme-chan has been in hospital I couldn't concentrate either! Elza had felt insulted - at least a little bit - when Setsuna ordered her to go to school again while Hotaru and Haruka were still at hospital and Michiru practically, too. Oh, it was nice that Setsuna drove her to school and brought her in the afternoon, but the hours in between were simply boring. With Tamara being around and driving her crazy. It is during the week, I have school tomorrow and she wants to talk to Michiru, that is clear. But why the hell can't she sleep here? Elza sighed deeply. Her bed was big enough. It was not that she expected anything to happen. She simply wanted to hold her Sissy-chan, to kiss her, to have her near her. That was not too much she demanded as a loving girlfriend, was it? Sure a lot happened, but we have to get back to normality again. Whatever this normality means... Elza closed her eyes and let the warm water pour down her slim body. Tomorrow she had a maths test, well, she would survive it somehow. And she had training with her sport team. For the first time for years Elza wasn't very keen on it. She would rather go to cinema with Setsuna or to stay at the Meioh-house and baby sit little Hotaru. Since she had seen the pictures of that strange black and white world, she had the feeling that she missed a lot during the past years. That there were so many wasted chances she simply wanted to have again. All at once. Maybe it is my enthusiasm that scares Sissy-chan away? She's not as wild as me, she's more the quiet, the reasonable type. Elza stretched her arms and let the water be a little bit warmer. She loved hot showers. As hot as possible, until her skin would get red and crumbled. There used to be times when Setsuna did a shower with her. Before they both grew up. When they both had been children, Elza always teased her Sissy-chan around that she was like a polar bear, because she preferred cold water. Setsuna had called her a boiled egg instead. It had been funny times. Would the following times be funny, too? The water was so loud that Elza didn't hear the bell ring. Nor did she hear how the door to her bathroom was opened shortly after. There was a shadow near her shower, but the girl had her eyes closed. Silently she started to hum the melody of a pop song she liked right now. Of course Setsuna didn't like that song, just like Elza didn't like American Country Music as much as her girlfriend. But even though they could be so different, Elza was sure that they would make a perfect couple. If Setsuna would be more open. If Elza would be more patient. If we want it, we can manage it. Elza just decided to call her girlfriend up, as the door to the cabin was opened and two arms embraced her. She was gently pressed against a soft body and relaxed one second later as she heard the well known, mysterious laughter behind her. "Sissy-chan?" The girl couldn't stop her voice from sounding stunned. Surprised. It was late in the evening, she would have never expected that a reasonable woman like Setsuna would come to her home so late, especially when there was school the next day, and simply to walk into her bathroom and straight into her shower. "I hope you didn't expect anyone else." Whispered Setsuna and covered Elza's neck with little kisses. The smaller girl giggled and enjoyed the tender touches. "No, not really." "Not really?" "Are you jealous?" Setsuna hesitated for some moments before she brought her closer to her body. Elza gasped silently as she felt that the young woman was naked, too. "Like hell." Said Setsuna between two kisses. Then she took the shampoo and started to wash Elza's already washed hairs. But the girl would have rather eaten her tongue than telling Setsuna that she was already clean. Those soft fingers in her wild strands, it was an incredible feeling she didn't want to miss. Never again. "That's nice." She purred and smiled as her girlfriend put foam on her nose as well. "Little, cheeky kitten." "Purr!" Setsuna laughed silently and started to massage Elza's shoulders and her back. The girl purred even more and looked as relaxed as Setsuna hadn't seen her since their big argument. An argument because of a big misunderstanding which almost destroyed their long friendship and their young love. It was a good idea to come here. First Setsuna had hesitated. It was already late in the evening, she didn't want to wake Elza up. Tomorrow was school and there had been exciting days during the past weeks. Elza needed her rest. But the same Setsuna had needed her Elza. So she drove towards her house and asked Mary if the red haired girl was still awake. The nursemaid only laughed and declared that Elza never went to bed before midnight, even when Setsuna brought her home earlier. So the young woman crept into Elza's room and heard the shower working. Silently she walked into the bathroom and watched Elza for some moments behind the glass, being surrounded by crystal clear water. Her eyes were closed and she was humming a sweet melody. Actually Setsuna wanted to wait for her to finish and then to help her with the towel. But as she saw her girlfriend under the shower she simply couldn't resist. Without thinking much longer she stripped her clothes as well and stepped under the hot water, just the way Elza had always liked it. Now Setsuna was feeling like a boiled egg, but she felt incredibly happy. Just to be with her Elza-chan. She didn't feel ashamed of her nakedness as she had expected. She didn't feel unsure what to do or how to react best. She simply felt great. This was the place where she belonged. Right to her Elza-chan. Setsuna couldn't resist the desire and brought Elza again in her arms. "I love you." She whispered those words that had been so hard for her to tell. For so many years. Now they were out she wanted to shout them the whole time. Whenever she saw the red haired girl, she wanted to take her in her arms, to kiss her and to tell her those words. Elza giggled, then she smiled tenderly. "Luv ya, too." She whispered and turned around to kiss her girlfriend. Setsuna closed her eyes and returned the kiss with all her deep feelings. She felt how Elza stared to caress her back and her arms and shivered. Somewhere the hot, almost boiling waterfall stopped and a nice silence evolved. A silence that was only interrupted by their soft giggles. "Elza-chan..." Setsuna whispered between two kisses and tried to get her feelings under her control again. She did not only came to see her girlfriend, but also to talk to her. And she knew once they would fall on the bed and kiss, she wouldn't think of anything any longer. "Wassup?" "I..." Setsuna took a deep breath and freed herself out of Elza's demanding embrace. "I talked to Michi this evening. About Haruka." The young woman stepped out of the shower and handled each of them a towel. Elza tried to dry her hairs but after that actions she looked like a little, wild, red tornado. She's so kawaii. Setsuna smiled and couldn't resist but to stroke through those red strands. My little one. "Why? Did anything happen with Himme-chan?" asked Elza alarmed and raised quickly her head. Since the day of the operation she was very concerned about the little girl. Still she couldn't believe in the doctor's words and watched carefully over Hotaru when it was her task to baby sit her. One wrong sound near the baby and Elza could behave like a crazy whirlwind. Then it was hard to calm her down and to show her that little Hotaru was okay and only screaming because she ran so confused through the whole house, terrifying the small girl. "No, everything is fine." Answered Setsuna promptly because she had already seen the sparkle of panic in Elza's blue eyes. "Oh, that's okay then." "Michiru just wants Haruka and Hotaru to stay with us. Forever. And I just wanted to ask you if that's okay with you." Elza blinked but she couldn't look into Setsuna's eyes because the young woman was now cleaning her feet. She did it a little bit too perfect. And a little bit too slow. "Why are you asking me? It's your house and surely your rooms where you can't plant your computers." "You can't plant..." "However. Why do you ask me?" Now Setsuna looked up, looked directly at Elza and the tall girl gulped as she saw the intensive, the serious expression on the other one's face. "Because it's a family decision and you are part of that family, too." For a moment there was silence between them and Elza gulped again. This time visibly. "Oh, and you'll have to baby sit little Hotaru and to learn with Haruka when she has her problems in French." Still Elza didn't reply. She only stared at Setsuna, asking herself if she had really heard those words. Another sentence she wanted to hear so badly during the past five years. One look into Setsuna's face told her that the young woman meant every single word she told her. "My French is bad, but I'll do my best." Now Elza grinned again. Diabolically. "And about the baby sitting... who had been the one who already bought the rocking chair, the tricycle and the bike Himme-chan will be able to ride in about five years?" "It was a very nice bike." "I am sure." "I simply couldn't resist." "Just like you couldn't resist to buy her six teddy bears." "They were so cute." Elza blinked. It was strange to hear a word like >cute< out of Setsuna's mouth. It was a complete new side she discovered at her girlfriend. And with every second that passed, the girl liked this side more. "Just like the plush puppet." "The fur was so soft." "Oprheus wanted to adopt it. Guess he's still sad that it can't bark at him." Setsuna groaned, then she shrugged smiling her shoulders. "I am a bad aunt, right?" Elza came over to her and embraced her. Shortly she kissed her and shook her head, amused. "No, you only spoil Himme-chan, you do what Haruka wouldn't do because she would call it education and if the little girl would ever want anything, you'd give it to her. Guess those are qualities only a good aunt has." "Thanks for your comfort." "No offence, auntie." "Auntie?" "Auntie Sissy. Sounds great, doesn't it? Auntie Sissy. Or if she's still young, it'll be ouni Sissi. What about that?" Elza laughed and ran over to her bed. There a giggling Setsuna caught her and together they fell on the soft mattress. Already kissing each other again. "That has been all you wanted to talk to me about, right?" asked Elza between two kisses and dissolved the knot of Setsuna's long hairs. Soon a dark green blanket was covering them both. Setsuna's cheeks were redden and she smiled tenderly. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. "Hai." "Great. Do you have anything else to do this evening?" "Actually I wanted to tickle you for the rest of the night." "Uhm... I have school tomorrow." "Guess you are right. You need your sleep." Setsuna behaved as if she would rose and leave the bed, but of course she was hold back by a pouting Elza. "What about kissing? That's not as exhausting as tickling." "Hm..." Setsuna raised her left eyebrow and looked sceptically at her girlfriend. "Are there medical reports to prove your statement?" Elza giggled and brought her back to the bed again. "Just shut up and kiss me, okay?" So Setsuna did. For a long time they simply laid there. Their towels landed on the floor next to the bed and they simply enjoyed the presence of the other one. Softly they whispered to each other during their kisses, knowing that the argument, that the misunderstanding, that the pain and the fear of the last years were gone. At last. Forever. It was shortly before midnight when Setsuna's cell phone started to ring. First the young woman simply wanted to ignore it. Everything was fine with Hotaru, right? So it couldn't be Michiru. Maybe her parents wanted to call her up to discuss something with her, but, damn, it was in the middle of the night! Maybe her computer firm? But couldn't they leave her in peace? Her new project wasn't finished yet and didn't she have a right of a private life - even when she was working at home? Setsuna groaned as the ringing died away and started the next moment again. For over seven times. Whoever tried to reach her, this person wouldn't give up so easily. "Great timing." Sighed the young woman and gave Elza another kiss before she went over to her handbag to get out her phone. The girl sighed and wrapped the blanked around her shaking body, watching her girlfriend with blurred eyes. "Hello, here's Meioh Setsuna. Whoever is calling me up in the middle of the night has to have a really good... oh... Michi?" Elza frowned as she heard the change in Setsuna's voice. The first moment she had been angry, the next one she was only concerned. Please, God, don't let anything have happened to our Himme-chan! Elza stumbled out of the bed and went with trembling legs over to Setsuna who sat down on the corner of her armchair. It was full with books and crumbled clothes, but the young woman didn't notice them. "What happened, Michi? Hey, try to calm down..." Setsuna glanced at Elza and shook her head as she saw the unasked questions there. So everything was fine with Himme-chan. But what happened then that Michiru called them up in the middle of the night, making Setsuna looking so worried. "What... moment, Michi. What do you mean with >gone