Love is a drug   von aprileagle
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                        Kapitel 2: Back to normal life
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Chapter two: Back to normal life

She just finished the newspaper as Setsuna entered the room. Her long hairs were
messed and she looked very sleepy. Haruka shortly glanced at the clock and had
to grin. It was almost two in the afternoon.
"Morning..." whispered the tall woman and yawned. For some seconds she looked
surprised at the blonde. Then she seemed to remember who she was. Or at least
why she was here.
"Good afternoon." Replied Haruka and giggled even more. The whole morning she
had been bored and now Setsuna's appearance... it was really worth waiting for
all those hours to watch her stumble over her own feet and looking so sleepy. 
"Don't tease me, Haruka. I worked almost until dawn." Setsuna yawned again. "I
am an owl. I work mostly at night and sleep at day." The tall woman smiled as
she saw little Hotaru lying next to her mother on the soft couch. Being wrapped
in a soft blanket. Sleeping deep and tight.
"Is Michiru at school?"
"Hai." Haruka nodded and grinned as Setsuna tried to sit down on the couch, too,
but missed it and almost sat on the ground. "She left around seven in the
morning."
"Okay." Setsuna yawned again and rubbed her tired eyes.
"Maybe you should go back to bed. You don't look awake to me."
"Oh, that's normal. I am always like that before I didn't get my first coffee."
Setsuna raised her head and glanced at Haruka for a brief moment. Then she
sighed deeply and buried her face again in her hands. "You will get used to
it."
Probably.
Haruka gulped and held the newspaper tighter in her hands.
If am good enough in that senshi thing to stay...
"Just ignore it..." Setsuna yawned again and it was really hard for her to open
her eyes. She didn't have enough sleep and she knew that she would look really
terrible until she found her first coffee and her shower.
"Why don't you go back to bed then?" asked Haruka and finally put the newspaper
away. It was boring to read it, but she had no other things to do. Not after she
fed her daughter and changed her nappy. Not after Michiru shared a quick
breakfast with her and hurried up to school, because she was already too late.
Not after Haruka looked at the whole house and wondered what she did here. She
felt so out of place, so totally wrong. The whole morning she spent thinking of
so many questions she didn't know how to ask. She didn't know if she wanted to
receive the answers. Just like the question what she was supposed to do all day.
Michiru was at school, Setsuna obviously spent most of the day in bed.
Of course Haruka could have worked... maybe the petrol station's manager would
have given her a second chance. But this house was too far away from Tokyo. It
would have taken her too long to get to the city and to the special region. So
she sat down next to her sleeping daughter and read the newspaper. Again and
again. Hoping that Michiru would return soon. Or that Setsuna would wake up.
"Because I want to go shopping when Michiru returns."
Haruka raised asking her eyebrows.
"Well, we don't have any baby things, right?" Setsuna stretched her arms and
yawned again. "Common, let's eat something. I need my coffee and a big roll with
jam." The tall woman rose and stumbled over to the kitchen. "Did you have any
lunch?"
"Well... I shared breakfast with Michiru." With a total hectic girl who only
said hello, ate her roll in incredible speed and ran away with a short bye.
"I see..." Setsuna looked at the chaos in the kitchen and started to put the old
dishes into the dish washer. "Michi never cares much about it. She sleeps too
long and then she has too less time to eat..." Setsuna opened the fridge and
looked over to Haruka who followed her. "What do you like to eat?"
"Dunno."
"You should know what you like to eat!" Setsuna held some tins in the air and
looked at them sceptically. "Do you like tomato soup?"
"Hai..." Haruka sat down and watched how the young woman danced through the
kitchen. She seemed to be used to instant soups, or at least she knew how to
handle them. Haruka was sure that she would have burned it at the very instant.
Soon two dishes stood on the table and Setsuna sat down, too. To wait for their
lunch to be ready.
"I made list what we need." Suddenly she held a sheet in her hands. "We need a
cradle. That's the most important thing. And then we need baby clothes..."
"I have clothes for my daughter." Protested the tall girl and stared
determinedly at her shoes. "And she's used to sleep in a bed, so that's fine,
too." 
I can't demand that they buy things I can never pay back.
Haruka gulped and automatically clenched her fists.
"There's really no use to waste so much money."
Michiru only said that she will pay the operation. How will she react when she
has to pay that stuff, too?
>Just take it.<
>But...<
>Take it, Haru.<
>But...<
>You never begged before in your life, right?<
Again Haruka heard the soft voice in her mind. Again she felt soft hands taking
hers. Giving her a note she just earned by begging. By standing at a church's
entrance and looking miserable. As miserable as she had felt that day. She stood
there almost the whole day and it had been enough to get enough to come over the
night.
It had cost her a lot of pride. And even a lot more as she realized later.
"I don't need your charity."
She never wanted charity again. From no one. Help, that was okay. Hikari helped
her a lot, too. They simply had to help each other or they would have died.
Died...
Setsuna frowned and looked at the suddenly pale girl sitting opposite to her,
but before she could reply anything, the door was closed and a loud scream
filled the house.
"Sissy-chan! We are HOME!!!"
Haruka jerked around as suddenly a shadow jumped through the kitchen. 
"Hm! Tomato soup! That smells delicious." A girl stood next to the table the
next moment. It looked as if she just came out of the nothing. There was a
bright smile of a face that was surrounded by red hairs. "Can I get something,
too? I know that I should buy myself something to eat, but today they..." and so
she talked on and on. Haruka looked surprised to the girl and then to Setsuna
who didn't look any surprised at all. Only a little bit concerned. The young
woman looked at her watch and then at the girl and frowned even more.
"Elza?" she interrupted the girl who seemed to talk without taking any breath
and Setsuna didn't look any sleepy any longer. Now she looked awoke. And...
alarmed?
"Elza? Shouldn't you be at school? It's two in the afternoon, school isn't over,
right? Today there's your orchestra rehearsal, isn't it?"
"Well... I didn't practise to be honest..." the girl laughed nervously, then she
sighed deeply. "No, Michiru had a little accident. It was during the lunch
break. She simply slipped on the ground and fell down the staircase. Now her
foot hurts." The girl called Elza made a face and crossed her arms before her
chest. "I told her to go a doctor, but she won't hear of me! She only wanted to
go home. So I told our conductor that we are going and brought her home. Really,
Sissy, I tried to convince her to go to a doctor. But she didn't want to."
Elza ran her hands through her short red hairs that touched her neck when she
shook her head. Her blue eyes sparkled and pleading she looked at the young
woman. 
"Really."
Setsuna stood up and sighed deeply.
"I know, Elza. I know that Michi can be really stubborn."
"Just like you." Elza grinned cheeky and sat down on the table. The skirt of her
uniform hardly covered her knees and it was dirty. The spots looked like
chocolate milk.
"Better I'll take a look after..." Setsuna almost reached the door as a thought
crossed her mind. "Elza?" She turned around and looked now really strict. "How
did you both come home?"
"With that great car." Stars sparkled in blue eyes and dreamily she looked at
Setsuna. Haruka who watched the whole scene in silence, asked herself if that
girl would start to pout the next moment. She was maybe as old as Michiru but
when she looked this ways she suddenly looked like a small girl. A cute girl. A
girl that could achieve everything if she wanted to. A girl that was used to get
what she wanted. A girl that was surely rich and spoiled. 
Haruka didn't know if she could like this girl. She didn't know if she had to
live with that girl, too, because she seems to feel right home. The way she sat
on the table and held Setsuna's spoon now in her hands, playing with it
nervously. But if it was also her task to live with that girl, she would do it.
For her daughter she would do everything.
>Never judge persons by their appearance, by the first look, Haru.<
>Do you really think so?<
>Hai. Look at that man over there. What do you think?<
>Well, he wears nice clothes. He is washed and shaved and he surely has a good
job.<
>Normally he comes on Wednesday evening and buys one of the youngest girls here.
He likes it when they are twelve, hardly touched before.<
>Oh...<
>Look at me, Haru. What do you see?<
>I...<
>You see an ugly, dirty girl with coloured hairs. You see a junky, Haru. You see
an ill girl without a future.<
>But you are my best friend!<
>That's something you will only know when you look closer, Haru. Never justify
someone because of the first look. Try to get to know them and then decide if
you want to like them or not.<
Haruka sighed slightly and leaned back on her chair. Hikari had been right that
evening. She had always been right. She had been so damn smart. She knew so many
things Haruka didn't know at that time. She learned her so many things, not only
how to survive on those dirty streets. 
She had been so intelligent. So damn clever...
Haruka swallowed and looked again at the girl, now really pouting. For the first
look she really looked wild and spoiled. Arrogant. Maybe even ignorant. But
Haruka knew that she should wait before she judged her. Maybe she was a nice
person beside her cheeky behaviour. Maybe she was worth to be friend...
If I am still worth to be a friend to anyone...
If anyone wants to have a friend like me...
If am still able to be a friend. After all what I have done. After all those
persons I betrayed. After I lost her...
"Did Michi drive?" asked Setsuna warning.
"No, she sprained her ankle. I drove." Elza held her hands to an invisible
steering wheel and made some sounds like >brum, brum< and laughed. "Don't worry,
no one saw us, Sissy."
"Today." Setsuna came back and leaned over to the girl and looked directly in
her sparkling blue eyes. "But one day the police will catch you and then you
will be in big trouble."
"But you would tell them that I am a nice girl, wouldn't you, Sissy?"
"No!" responded Setsuna but the smile on her face betrayed her. "You are a
really bad girl."
"I am just the way you raised me."
"I didn't raise you! That did your grandparents!"
"But I spent more time here than at home."
"Because I was so stupid to give you the key years ago."
"Then change the lock."
Setsuna only let out a deep sigh and moved a little bit back, but Haruka already
knew the answer. That she wouldn't change the lock. That this girl, no matter
how crazy she was, belonged to that family, too.
To a family?
Who is she?
Haruka blinked.
Who am I?
Will I ever belong to that family, too?
But the same time she knew that it was only a dream. A dream she used to dream
when she was little. That she was part of a family. That she was loved. That she
was someone special. That dream died at the day her parents died. She tried to
dream again when she met Hikari, but she had so see in that someone like her
wasn't able any longer, wasn't allowed any longer to dream. She had to be
realistic. For her own and for her daughter's sake. She was only here to help
those sisters to search for some talismans. She was only here to do what they
told her. When she had to fight, she would fight. When she had to do something
else, she would do it. She wasn't here to find a place to stay. She should
never, ever forget that! She was here only for a limited time. As long as it
would take them to find those talismans and to let little Hotaru be operated.
Then she would be forced to go again. To find a job and to care for herself and
her daughter on her own again. This house, this place was not really an asylum
for her - it was it only for a limited time. She should always remember that she
had to go. Sooner or later. She had to remember herself that all she got here
was only charity. Charity, nothing more. No friendship, nothing. Only charity
she got for searching for some jewels.
It's better than nothing, right?
Right?
Haruka sighed again deeply what caught Elza's attention. She turned her head
around and her blue eyes grew wide.
"Setsuna? Who's that?" she asked and leaned now over to Haruka. Shortly she
looked at her, then a smile bloomed on her face. Happily she stretched out her
right hand and bowed slightly. "I am Grey Elza. I am pleased to meet you. I am a
classmate of Michi and a good friend of Sissy."
"You are my biggest nightmare!" added Setsuna but you could see that she was
only teasing. 
Elza only showed her her tongue.
"And you are?"
"Tenô Haruka. Pleased to meet you." Marbled Haruka and bowed, too. 
"She's..." Setsuna hesitated for a brief moment and her shoulders hang. "She
lives now here. Get used to it, Elza."
"She lives here? In the same house like you do?" Elza shortly looked at the tall
girl next to her and her grin grew wider. "I envy you." She said and snickered.
"But don't you dare to touch Sissy. She is mine, did you hear me? She's my
girlfriend."
For a moment there was dead silence, then Elza giggled and Setsuna only rolled
her eyes. But as always, no one helped her. No one really cared. No angel came
to save her, no devil came to punish Elza.
"Don't listen to what she is saying, Haruka. She's a little clown." Setsuna
shook her head and grabbed the sheet she just showed Haruka some minutes ago.
When the world still had been peaceful.
"Don't joke so much around, Elza. Actually I wanted to go shopping, but I guess
it's better when I look after Michi instead." Setsuna pushed the sheet in Elza's
free hand. She was still holding Haruka's hand tight, seemed to have forgotten
the touch to the strange girl. 
"Shall I call a doctor?"
"Guess it's not that bad. Surely her foot is okay." Setsuna turned around and
reached for a little, black handbag. Seconds later she produced a little purse
out of it.
"I wrote down everything we need on that sheet, Elza. It would be really great
if you could go shopping with Haruka."
Elza looked down on the sheet and frowned. But as she heard the word >shopping<,
her face brightened up. Enthusiastically she nodded and grabbed for the purse.
"Am I allowed to buy myself something, too?" Her look was irresistible and she
knew it. Setsuna only smiled and nodded.
"But only something small, okay?" she left the kitchen to go over to Michiru.
She knew that her little sister didn't have an accident. She didn't fall down
staircases like that. Surely a youma had been involved. Setsuna only hoped that
the injury wasn't too bad. You could hardly go to a doctor with a big wound that
was surely not caused by the fall down a staircase but by the claw of a
monster.
"Something small, okay."
"Oh... and call a taxi this time. I don't want to fetch you up from jail."
"If that's your wish, Sissy."
"That's my order, Elza!"
The red haired girl showed again her tongue, but Setsuna couldn't see it this
time. She was already upstairs, entering her smaller sister's room.
Elza let out a deep sigh and looked again at the sheet. It was full with
Setsuna's neat writing. That meant that this shopping would take the whole
afternoon. Shortly the girl looked at Haruka, then she started to grin. The
longer she thought about it, the better it sounded. To go shopping. With
Setsuna's purse!
"Come, Haruka. I am sure we'll have fun." She reached inside her school bag and
the next moment she held her cell phone high into the air. "Shopping the whole
afternoon! That will be fantastic." Stars danced again in Elza's eyes. 
Haruka silently disagreed but she knew that there was no way to escape her
destiny. As there was no way to escape Elza.

***

"Okay, first we need clothes!"
They just left the taxi. The driver had been a nice man Elza talked to the whole
time. It seemed as if she wouldn't take any breath at all while she was talking.
Haruka didn't mind. So she had to say less.
"This looks right!" Before Haruka could react, a warm hand grabbed her cold one
and she was pulled into a boutique that looked too expensive for her. Surely
even a pullover would cost more than the rent for her small flat did.
"Do you really think that this isn't too expensive?" she wondered aloud while
Elza pulled her determinedly with her. 
"Don't worry, Haruka. Sissy gave us her credit card. That's an open invitation.
And I am going to us it." Giggled Elza and soon they stood in the changing room
with a mountain of clothes. Elza always looked at one clothe she liked, showed
it for the split of a second at Haruka and decided that they would try that,
too.
"Okay, try this one." Elza gave Haruka some dark pants and a dark blue pullover.
They were both soft and incredibly new. Haruka could remember that there had
been a time when her mother went shopping with her, too. But the last years she
couldn't afford such clothes. Mostly she went to second hand shops or simply had
to wear her clothes until they fell apart.  Haruka looked at the sign and shook
her head. The price was even higher than she had imagined.
"No." She said and wanted to put it away. "I don't need new clothes." She
crossed her arms before her chest and asked herself how she could be so stupid
to go shopping with that crazy girl. She didn't need any things. Only nappies
and mash for her daughter. Nothing more. No clothes. No pullovers, no pants. No
shoes. Nothing! She made the deal to help to find the talismans for her
daughter's operation, but not to beg for clothes! They were too expensive, she
would never be able to pay them back.
"Sure you do!" Elza shortly looked at Haruka's old shirt and hang the pullover
around Haruka's shoulders. "I have no idea who you are and why you will suddenly
live with my darling and Michi, but there's one thing you should learn very
quickly: Never to argue with me! When I say that you need new clothes, then you
need new ones!"
"No!" answered Haruka and tried to turn around. To go out of the shop and to go
back to that house. No matter how many hours it would take her to reach it.
Surely her daughter needed her. And she wanted to know if Michiru was really
okay. Or if she had to go to visit the doctor. There had been something in
Setsuna's eyes Haruka didn't like. Didn't like at all. It had been real concern.
Haruka learned quick enough on the street that such a look should be taken
seriously or something really bad would happen.
I am responsible for my daughter!
I am responsible for myself!
And because of the deal I am responsible for Michiru and Setsuna.
But I am not responsible for that girl. Whoever she is!
"I don't want to have any of those things! I don't need them! I have my own
stuff!"
I don't need your charity, you spoiled brat!
"If I say that you do, it's..." Elza had grabbed Haruka's shirt and pulled it
out of the pants to show her the holes she had seen there. At that moment she
saw the scar crossing an extremely slim belly. Elza frowned and raised her head.
Asking she looked into the other one's face, but Haruka only turned away.
"What the..."
"Okay, I'll try this one." Changed Haruka the topic and disappeared in a cabin.
She didn't want to talk about it. Especially not towards a total stranger like
Elza.  Determinedly she pulled at the curtain, left a confused looking girl
behind. 
For a while Elza stood there, with a lot of clothes on her arms. Then she gulped
and came nearer.
"I guess you don't like dresses and skirts, right?" she asked quietly and stared
at her shoes. "Guess I should look after some other pants, right?" As no one
answered, she turned around, put away the dresses and looked for some other
things. As she returned again, Haruka had changed. She looked better in those
clothes. They fitted perfectly and suddenly she looked like another person. Not
like the poor girl she seemed to be just some moments ago, but like a noble boy.
Her hairs were really short and you could hardly see any outlines under the
clothes. Not only because she was so thin.
"Maybe you should use some normal bras. The sport bras are..."
"I like the way I look." Snapped Haruka back and watched herself in the mirror.
Just to sigh. Elza was right. She really looked like a boy. A look that had
almost cost her life. Once. Long, endless months ago. Shortly before she met
Hikari who took care for her. Without her she would have died that night after
he attacked her with a knife. Because she looked like a boy, but was a girl...
"Hey, stay calm! I didn't attack you!" Elza made a face and pulled a jacket
around Haruka's shoulders. "Take it, soon it will get cold. It's autumn, soon
winter will start!" the red haired girl looked critically at the tall girl and
nodded finally. "Okay, we'll take that outfit. It looks good."
Haruka didn't respond anything.
>This is a nice dress, Hika-chan. I'd like to see you in it.<
>Dreamer! It's too expensive for us.<
Haruka turned a little bit. The jacket was really very warm. It almost reached
her knees and there were deep pockets where she could put her hands into. It was
made out of dark leather.
I wish I could have bought Hikari such clothes. That summer had been so cold.
Maybe she would not have got a pneumonia then. Maybe she would be still
alive...
>We should go and buy some warm clothes for you.<
>Warm clothes? It's summer, Haru.<
>But it's a cold summer, Hika-chan.<
>Decide, Haru, a pullover or enough of that nice powder that makes us so
happy.<
She decided for the powder instead. A decision for which she would hate herself
for the rest of her life. Hikari died only two weeks later.
"The scar, it was a caesarean, right?" asked Elza after a long time and suddenly
she didn't look cheeky any longer. Suddenly she looked very serious. "That's why
we have to buy nappies and such stuff, too, right?"
"Hai." Answered Haruka after another long while, still staring into the mirror,
still seeing not her own reflection, but someone else.
"How old are you?"
"I am old enough to be a good mother!" snapped the tall girl suddenly and turned
around before Elza could see the fear in dark green eyes. Determinedly she
stepped back into the cabin to get into her normal clothes again. But Elza held
her back. 
"Just leave those clothes on." She shrugged her shoulders. "That's the way I
always do that. They can wrap up your old clothes instead." Suddenly she smiled.
It was an honest smile.
"I have surely a strange character, Haruka. All persons at school call me a
clown and I am sure that they are right. Guess Sissy and Michi only keep me,
because they are used to me." She giggled. "I don't know who you are and I have
no idea what you are doing in my best friend's house, but I want to be your
friend. Sometimes I say strange things and I have a dark humour. But I have no
prejudices. When Sissy and Michi have decided that you belong to our funny
community, I'll be a good friend." Elza looked now directly into dark green
eyes, but she couldn't read in the other one's expression.
"There's just one thing I can't stand. If I will ever hear that you hurt one of
them, I'll be your biggest enemy. Is that clear, Haruka?"
Haruka didn't react, but she agreed silently.

***

"A boy or a girl?"
They just walked through a big department store. Haruka couldn't remember the
last time she had seen one of those from the inside. The fashion changed since
they furnished her room in her parent's house. Now everything seemed to be
brown. Made out of real wood. When she had to decide together with her parents
most of the furniture had been black. The style looked more modern, too.
It was really a huge department store. They sold furniture, but also clothes and
sport articles. The bikes sparkled in the sun's light and delicious scent filled
the air around a small cafeteria. 
"Nani?" Haruka watched how Elza swirled with the bags in her hands around. They
seemed to have bought the whole boutique. But Elza only grinned and paid with
Setsuna's credit card. Of course she bought herself a nice looking pullover,
too. It was white and in it she looked like a little kitten. A kitten with a
white fur and fire red ears. 
"Your child. Is it a boy or a girl?"
"A little girl." The memory of Hotaru made Haruka automatically smile. She never
trusted any one. Not even the nurses. But after she had seen how Michiru and
Setsuna looked at the baby, she knew that Hotaru was safe with them. Michiru
promised her to pay the expensive operation, she wouldn't do Hotaru any harm.
Shortly before Setsuna woke up, Haruka had fed her daughter and laid her to
sleep in the big bed. Surly she would sleep the whole afternoon and when she was
lucky, she wouldn't awake before she would return. Hotaru wouldn't be afraid,
she was used to be alone for some hours. Mostly between the times when she had
to take her medicine. In those hours Haruka mostly went to work. At the petrol
station. To earn enough money to take care of her child and herself.
I lost that job yesterday.
Shortly Haruka looked around and couldn't believe that this all just happened
during the past 24 hours. That she left the petrol station just one day ago.
That she was now shopping with a total stranger. That she got nice new clothes
and that they were now going to buy nappies and baby mash. That little Hotaru
had a future. That the operation would take place soon. That her life was saved.
That she didn't have to die soon.
Thank goddess.
"How's her name?"
"Hotaru."
"That's a nice name. And her father?"
Haruka didn't respond and Elza was smart enough to understand that the tall girl
wouldn't talk about him. Not yet. 
"Well, I..." Elza's head turned while they walked and she got slower and slower
while her voice died away. Her blue eyes grew wide and she looked really
astonished.
"Wait a moment!" she said and pushed all her bags in Haruka's hands and ran
away. Haruka only watched her confused. Then she went a little bit towards the
furniture to be out of the way of all the people hurrying by. She never got to
know a girl like Elza. So hectic. So chaotic. But she never got to know a girl
like Michiru or Setsuna either.
As they surely never got to know a person like me...
Haruka sighed deeply and turned around. And froze in motion. There was a cradle
standing next to her. It was made out of bright brown wood. The curtains covered
the half of it. Little teddy bears danced over the white cloth. The cradle only
stood on two feet and could swing if you stepped on the seesaw. It remembered
Haruka of a cradle she had seen before. A long time before she got pregnant with
Hotaru. A long time before Hikari died. A long time before she had known how it
all would end. They had been in the better regions of Tokyo. To beg for money
and to find some places where it was warm in the evening. They had spent some
hours in the entrance of a big department store like this one and tried to get a
little bit money. Hikari had been the one who discovered the cradle in the shop
window.
>Haru! Look at this! Isn't that cradle kawaii?<
>Hai, it is.<
>This is surely a cradle a mother would buy for her child she loves a lot.<
>I had such a cradle, too. But it broke when I got older.<
>You've been a lucky child, Haru. At least your childhood was nice.<
>And yours?<
As always she didn't get a response. Only a question to change the topic.
>Do you want to have children one day, Haru?<
>No.<
>Why not?<
>Because I would be a bad mother.<
>I don't think so, Haru. You'd be a great mother. You'd be able to love it.
Something some parents were never able.<
Hikari never told about her own parents, but Haruka had been sure that they had
hurt her deeply before she ran away from home. Before she met her in a dark
night.
>And you, Hika-chan?<
>You know that I am not allowed to have any children.<
>I don't think so!<
>Stop arguing about that. It's a fact! The possibility that it'll be infected
too, is too high.<
>But don't you think that once we will...<
>One day you will have children, Haru. You will be a great mother. And you will
buy your children such a fantastic cradle.<
As always Hikari had finished the discussion about her future with such a
sentence that sounded more like a prophecy. As if she had been able to look into
the future and to see what will happen one day.
You've been right, Hika-chan. As always.
Haruka stepped a little bit closer and touched the curtain. It was incredibly
soft. So wonderful soft. Hotaru would surely like it, too. 
I wish you were still alive, Hika-chan. You would have loved Hotaru the same way
I love her. You would have been crazy to buy baby clothes for her, too. You
would have argued with me to feed her, too. To behave as if she was your
daughter, too. I would have wanted so badly to argue with you how to raise her
the right way. To argue with you if she should become a doctor or a lawyer one
day. Or even president.
Haruka smiled a sad smile and her throat started suddenly to hurt.
I miss you so much, Hika-chan. Do you know that?
Although no one answered her directly, Haruka believed to know the answer. It
almost made her heart break.
"Tadam!" Suddenly a shadow jumped at her and she winced wildly. She turned
around and saw Elza standing there. With a dress that had the same colour as her
hairs. It hardly reached her knees and had no sleeves. But it had a wide
clipping. You could almost see her small but well formed breasts. She blushed
slightly as she spun around herself and raised her arms.
"And, what do you think? It's a special offer, because summer is over. Do you
think Sissy would like it?"
How shall I know that? I hardly know her, nor you.
Haruka frowned and held the bags in her hands tighter.
"Well, it doesn't cost the world. Guess I'll take it." Elza giggled excitedly
and pulled the jacket of her school uniform over it. "Sissy's face will be worth
it."
Just as she wanted to go over to the counter to pay, the girl saw the cradle
behind Haruka. Shortly she looked at the sheet that was now a little bit
crumbled and again at the cradle and remembered how the tall girl had looked so
longing at it.
"Do you like that cradle?" she asked and inspected the teddy bears. They were
really cute. She didn't know the little girl yet, but she knew that all children
like teddy bears. She for herself hat ten at home, all sitting at her bed.
Looking pleading at her with their big, dark button eyes.
"Well..."
"Okay, then we'll take it, too."

***

"I always wanted to buy that stuff." Elza put the nappies into the trolley.
Haruka wanted to protest that she took the most expensive ones, but the red
haired girl already hurried away. Towards the mash.
"But I always thought that I would have to wait for the next ten years." Elza
looked at some bottles and made a face. "I am just seventeen years old and I
don't even have a partner, so I can't have a child." She read the content and
shivered. "That should be noodles? That looks like a serious accident."
I didn't have a partner, too.
You don't have to have a partner to get a child.
You don't even have to be a woman any longer...
"Really disgusting!" Elza showed her the red something and shook her head.
Haruka only grinned and put it away.
"Himme-chan is just five months old. She prefers milk and those mashes." She
said and decided for some other mashes. The next moment the trolley was filled
with milk bottles.
"Hope that's enough."
Haruka looked into the trolley and gulped. It was too much. Hotaru never ate a
lot. Maybe that was what a normal, a healthy girl would eat during the next two
weeks, but Hotaru would have needed at least one month to finish all those
bottles. Elza saw her look and misunderstood it.
"Oh, if it's too less, I can take some more bottles. I have no idea what they
did to the milk, but in a cold fridge they will survive it for over three weeks.
Closed of course." Some more bottles went into the trolley but Haruka didn't
know how to explain that her daughter was ill and didn't eat as much as healthy
babies at her age. And she wasn't in the mood to tell that to Elza. Not now.
Maybe later. Some weeks later. When she was sure that Elza wouldn't look with
that pity look on her face at Hotaru. When she was sure that Elza wouldn't laugh
at her and tell her that it was her own fault. That she simply was too young to
be a good mother.
Elza didn't look right now as if she would laugh as she put ice cream for
herself in the trolley but there had been other, really nice looking people who
yelled at Haruka when they got to know the truth. When they got to know how she
got pregnant. When they got to know more about her past. All those so nice
looking women from the social welfare office. All those smiling nurses. All
those friendly doctors.
"Hm... I guess we need a donkey right now." Said Elza after she paid the milk
and the mush and the ice cream and pushed the trolley towards the exit. "Or a
good taxi driver." She searched in her hand bag and gave the control over the
trolley to Haruka. It was now filled with a lot of bags, with the big package
with the contents of the cradle and now with the food. They put it into some
paper bags but still the trolley seemed to fall apart with every move.
So much in just three hours.
Haruka looked at all the bags while she pushed the trolley.
No wonder I feel so exhausted.
"Do you have some yens for me?" suddenly there stood an old man there. He was
dressed in old, dirty clothes. His hair was thin and dirty, too. As he smiled
you could see that he had hardly any teeth any longer.
Haruka stopped and looked at him. Feeling suddenly incredibly sick.
>Do you really think that this is okay?<
>It's the only way to get some money at an hour like this.<
>But it's only noon.<
>Right. And a lot of people are shopping right now. For weekend.<
>But...<
>Don't look so dump, Haru. Look poor and painful. So that they will give you
some coins out of sympathy. They need that to feel better. To make them believe
that they helped you. To calm down their conscience.<
So they spent the whole afternoon in front of the supermarket and opened for the
customers the doors and asked for money. It had been an humiliating experience,
but Haruka had known that there were worse things to do to get money: To robe an
old woman, to broke into a house and to steal the money, to...
"Haruka? Are you coming?" Elza's voice brought her back into reality. She saw
how the red haired girl gave a small note to the beggar and hurried on. Still
having the cell phone next to her ear. Talking to the taxi driver to tell him
where exactly he had to fetch them up.
It's been only a year that I stood there.
Haruka still stared at the beggar who looked surprised at the note and thanked
Elza who didn't hear him any longer. For her it was not much money. Maybe some
chocolate or a magazine, for him it was a hot meal. Maybe even two hot meals.
It's been only a year that we both stood there.
Haruka gulped but tried to ignore her memories as the taxi arrived and they all
filled the boot until even the taxi driver had his problems to close it
properly.

***

The taxi driver really deserved his tip. He helped them to carry all the bags
into the entrance hall of the house and wished them a good day before he drove
away. Now at day the house was even bigger. There was a big staircase leading to
Michiru's rooms. The walls were covered with fantastic paintings. Mostly they
showed the wild sea. Sometimes only the sea, sometimes the sunset, sometimes a
bird flying over the waves, sometimes dolphins dancing over the surface. At one
you could see was a thunderstorm. The lightening looked blurred but nevertheless
the picture was so realistic that Haruka could almost hear the thunder. 
Are they all originals?
If they were, they surely had been expensive. A painting by someone who could
draw so well was surely very expensive.
There were big windows and a part of the roof consisted of glass. It all looked
like a palace. A bright palace. With a shade of red and orange. Haruka blinked
and realized now that it was already evening. That the sun was already setting
again. That Elza and she spent really the whole afternoon with shopping. Not
only three hours.
Himme-chan!
Haruka didn't notice how a dog shot barking out of the shadows evolving in the
corridors and jumping whimpering up at the red haired girl.
"Hey, Orpheus, you wild one." Laughed Elza and started to tease the St. Bernhard
dog around. He barked even louder, but it didn't sound threatening. It simply
sounded happy.
The barking was loud, but the whimpering seemed to be louder. At least for
Haruka who knew the whimpering very, very well. Who got to know it very well
during the past five months. Her heart raced in her chest as she followed the
noise. Not tortured, but surely hungry. It was now more than three hours that
she had been away. Hotaru had to take her medicine regularly and she was surely
hungry.
Gomen, Himme-chan. It's all my fault.
She found her daughter in the living room. She laid in Michiru's arms and
whimpered. Tears streamed over her redden cheeks and she had clenched her tiny
fists.
"Hey, don't you want to drink?" asked the sea green haired girl and sobbed.
Maybe she knew how to handle a healthy child, but she surely didn't know how to
handle an ill one. "Hey, I thought you were hungry. You can't be wet. We changed
your nappies twice."
She changed Himme-chan's nappies?
Haruka frowned, then she sat down next to Michiru on the couch. The smaller girl
winced and looked surprised up. She seemed not to have heard her come. Tears
sparkled in blue eyes. Tears of despair and confusion.
"We already gave her the medicine as it stands on the box. But she refuses her
bottle."
"She doesn't refuse it..." whispered Haruka who didn't want to terrify her
daughter and took the little girl in her arms. Carefully she rocked her, took
the warm bottle out of trembling hands and fed her daughter patiently. As always
Hotaru didn't want to drink first. But Haruka knew that she had to wait for at
least five minutes. To try it again and again until Hotaru would be convinced
that her stomach would stop to hurt if she would do the effort and drink. Even
if it took all her powers, it would be worth it.
"That's better, isn't it?" whispered Haruka softly and smiled as Hotaru finally
started to gulp and to smack.
"Gomen nasai..." sobbed Michiru next to her and turned her head away. "I thought
it all would be easy and... and..."
Does she already regret her decision? Does she want to kick me out now? Does she
see now that I am the wrong one? That I can't search for the talismans for her?
"Changing the nappies wasn't that hard. She was very calm and after Setsuna
confused the nappy's end we were finally able to change them." Michiru searched
for an handkerchief and sniffed slightly. "But feeding her is not very easy."
So she didn't mean her decision.
Endless relief went through Haruka as she held the bottle a little bit tighter
to help her daughter to drink easier. Tiny hands grabbed for it and Haruka's
smile deepened as small fingers touched her ones.
"If you want to learn it, it's not very hard. You only have to understand her
and to be patient." Said the blonde quietly, shortly remembering how impatient
she had been. When she had been a teenager. When she had been a daughter
herself. A loved daughter. When she had been a wild, but happy pupil.
"That sounds good." Michiru winced as she moved her leg. At that moment Haruka
realized that Michiru had put her leg on a small stool. The foot was bandaged
and a towel laid around it. To protect the ice that should cool the sore skin.
"How is your ankle doing?"
"Oh, better. Nothing is broken. Just a little bit sprained. Just give me two
more days and I'll jump around again."
Haruka couldn't imagine Michiru jumping around, but she only nodded and
concentrated again on her drinking daughter.
"And, how was your shopping tour? Exhausting, right? It's always exhausting with
Elza." Michiru put the handkerchief away and smiled while she leaned herself
against the couch. Whatever kind of painkillers Setsuna gave her, they made her
slightly dizzy and tired. "Elza can dance on your nerves. She's a little devil.
But she is a nice little devil." Michiru giggled slightly while Hotaru smacked
noisily. "Our families had always been close to each other. Her mother went with
our mother to school. They had been the best friends. She died together with her
husband when Elza was just one year old. She has been raised by her
grandparents, by my parents and a little bit by us. Especially by Setsuna who's
five years older than Elza. She may be crazy but she is a very good friend. She
may tease you around the whole time, but if you really need her, she's simply
there. We would go through the fire for each other."
"Does she know about the talismans?"
Michiru hesitated and watched Hotaru drink. Then she sighed deeply.
"No. Neither Sissy nor I know how to tell her. If she will understand it. Guess
she senses that something is different, especially when you are living here,
now. But she won't ask. Sometimes she seems to have no feelings, but when
there's something going on that's really important, she always waits until you
tell it to her."
No feelings?
Haruka shortly thought about the red haired girl and shook slightly her head.
She has feelings. Maybe even too many of them. But she has no manners.
Although Haruka knew that she was the last one who was allowed to criticise
anyone. Not after all the rules she had broken. After all the things she had
done without regret. Without any regret right at that moment she had done them.
"Did you find something nice?" asked Setsuna who just left the kitchen. She
cared for their dinner and now Haruka could smell the delicious scent. 
"Hai." Haruka looked down at her daughter and smiled. 
"We found a cradle!" said Elza from the corridor and entered the room. She was
holding some bags in her hands and Orpheus followed her loyal. In the case that
those bags contained sausages or some other nice food. "It's really a cute one.
With teddy bears all over it." Elza giggled and put the bags down. The dog
immediately put the big nose into them and it crackled. But soon Orpheus had to
seen that the bags only contained boring clothes and strange smelling nappies
and trotted with a tortured sigh back to the corridor to lay down in front of
the door. To make sure that no one would go or come without being noticed.
"And I got that dress." With an elegant motion Elza stripped her uniform's
jacket and showed her red dress. Here in the bright light of the living room it
looked even more daring than in the department store's light.
Michiru raised asking her eyebrows while Setsuna blushed slightly.
"Don't you think that this is a little bit too cold for autumn?" asked the tall
woman and took back her purse. Then she looked into the other bags and put the
ones with the mash back into the kitchen.
"But it's for the next summer!" defended Elza herself and stumbled over some
bags as she tried to follow Setsuna. "Don't you think it's pretty, Sissy? I
bought it only for you!"
"Don't be kidding, Elza." Haruka and Michiru could hear the angry voice and the
opening of the fridge. "Besides you are a little bit young for it, don't you
know?"
"I am seventeen! I am not a child any longer!"
"Then stop to behave like one!"
"You are impossible, Sissy!"
"Thanks, Elza. Do you want to have your baked sandwich with mushrooms or with
salami?"
"You know that I don't eat meat!" with those words Elza returned again. She was
deeply blushed, but she didn't grab for her jacket as Haruka had expected.
Instead she clenched her fists and opened them again before she went on her
knees in front of her. 
"So, this is little Hotaru?"
"Hai." Haruka put the finished bottle away and let her daughter make her burp.
The little girl looked around with tired eyes and grabbed weakly for Elza's
thumb to hold it tight while she fell asleep. The red haired girl didn't move.
She only kneed there and watched the little girl sleep. Soon a tender smile
appeared on her face and she obviously forgot that she had been angry just two
minutes ago.
"She's kawaii." Whispered Elza and gulped. She didn't know who Haruka was. She
didn't know where she came from and why she lived suddenly with her best
friends. With Setsuna and Michiru who were even more than just good friends to
her. Who were her family since she could remember. Normally they told her
everything. About Michiru's rehearsals and concerts, when they planned to go on
holidays. They told her weeks before they decided to take Orpheus. They told her
months before Setsuna decided to study computer science. They told her days
before they made their parents a big surprise: A journey to Europe to their 30th
wedding day. Elza always had known what was going on. She knew all secrets. What
Michiru bought Setsuna for Christmas, what Setsuna made for Michiru for her
birthday. She never said a word, but she had always known them. But today Elza
came home from school and this girl was simply there. A girl she had never seen
before in her life. Michiru didn't tell her anything at school, Setsuna didn't
warn her before. Elza came home and Haruka was sitting at the typical Meioh
Setsuna afternoon breakfast table and looked the same surprised she did. 
Hai, Sissy and Michi always told me everything.
But this time she sensed that they wouldn't tell her what it was all about. Even
if she would ask them. 
She's a little bit quiet. But she looks nice.
Elza watched the baby sleeping in her mother's arms, still holding her thumb
tight. It was such a gentle touch that the red haired girl gulped again.
Maybe she's a long forgotten relative of Michiru who needs help. She's very
young to be a mother. Maybe her parents threw her out and she needs a place to
stay. Her clothes weren't the best. 
But Elza didn't dare to ask. She never asked Michiru about anything that
happened before the day in March eight years ago. All she knew was what Setsuna
told her.
Well, everyone is quiet in comparison with me.
Elza grinned and looked shortly from Hotaru to the tall blonde and back.
But she loves her child. She obviously loves her. So she can't be mean, can
she?
Nevertheless Elza promised herself to keep an eye on the girl until she would
know her better. Until she would know that she would really not hurt her
family.
"We bought a cradle today." She said and smiled at Michiru who made a painful
face. Her foot obviously still hurt.
I should have taken her to a doctor. No matter what she said!
"It's covered with teddy bears. It's really kawaii. Just like this little
girl."
"With teddy bears?" Setsuna asked as she came out of the kitchen. She was
wearing an apron that was covered with red spots. They looked like...
Haruka held her daughter tighter and tried to ignore the memory suddenly
crashing down at her.
>This is serious, Hika-chan. We should go to a doctor.<
>No, I am fine. Don't worry.<
>But you are bleeding.<
>It's really nothing. I was just a little bit careless.<
>You or that guy?<
>It's really nothing.<
>I don't believe you!<
>Don't touch it! Don't touch me! Get away from me, Haru! Leave me alone!<
>But I only want to help you!<
>You can't help me. No one can.<
"Did you cut yourself, Setsuna?" before Haruka could stop herself the words were
out. She felt suddenly dizzy. Even if it was over a year ago, the memories were
still too fresh. They still hurt too much. She had tried to help Hikari, but she
only pushed her away. Yelled at her. In pain, in fear and in panic. Left her
that night alone. Confused, angry and sad.
"Oh, no. That's only ketchup. The food simply plays with me when I try to make
an eatable meal..."
"An eatable meal..." giggled Elza who just now remembered that she should be
angry with the young woman. "Hope you won't poison us nor your guest."
"Haruka is not only a guest, she will live here from now on." Said Michiru and
groaned as she stood up. Her foot seemed to be a real torture. She stumbled over
to the kitchen and tried to seize on everything that was in her near: The coach,
an armchair, the book shelf.
"Common guys, let's eat something. And you should take something over your
dress, Elza. It's not summer any longer."
Elza only pouted and didn't do what she was told. Michiru made it somehow to the
table. Haruka sat down, too. With Hotaru still sleeping deep and tight in her
arms. The blonde would take care for the new cradle later. She wanted her
daughter to sleep in that nice cradle. For the first time in her tiny life.
As Setsuna opened the oven and brought the tray out, the door opened again and
Orpheus came in, too. To sit down next to Michiru and look up at her with his
big button eyes. Begging like hell.

***

An old woman sang with all her passion. She wore a nice dress that couldn't hide
that she ate a little bit too much over the past years. But her voice was
wonderful. Deep and strong. It could fill concert halls. It could make people
shiver. It could make those people happy.
Setsuna switched on the light as she entered the living room. Shortly she looked
at the screen, but she didn't know the opera. Michiru was the classical fan in
family, she preferred other music.
She's watching an opera?
Setsuna went over to the couch and smiled automatically. Elza didn't watch any
longer. She was fast asleep. A sport magazine laid next to her on the ground and
her red hairs were messed. Now it was almost midnight and Setsuna knew that the
girl had school the next day.
I should wake her up.
Setsuna bowed over the girl and hesitated for some moments. Elza took a shower
before she decided to watch TV, surely some sport transmissions, and she used
the shampoo Setsuna liked so much. And of course she still wore the red dress.
It wasn't as bad as Setsuna had asserted. Elza looked really pretty in it. But
it was really too cold for this season and it was too daring. Every boy would
turn around when Elza would walk by and somehow Setsuna didn't like that
thought.
It's really late in the evening. A lot happened today. I am simply tired.
Setsuna couldn't resist the feeling and stroked through red hairs. They were
messed, as always. Some strands covered the neck and the ears. Elza smiled and
opened her eyes lazily as she felt the tender touch.
"Sissy..." she whispered and yawned slightly. "How late is?"
"Almost midnight. Get up, little one. I'll take you home."
"Can't I stay here?"
"Tomorrow is school and I don't think that Michiru can go to school tomorrow."
"But I wanna sleep."
"You can do that at home. Surely Mary will be concerned if you don't return
tonight."
Mary was Elza's old nursemaid.
"No, she would think that I finally found someone and would be happy."
Setsuna blushed slightly and reached under Elza's arms to help her up. The red
haired girl looked more asleep than awake. The young woman wrapped the school
uniform's jacket around the girl's shoulders and pulled her to her feet.
"Joker." Was all Setsuna replied as she pulled an almost sleeping Elza with her.
But before they reached the door, Elza had wrapped her arms around Setsuna's
waist and held her tight.
"I don't wanna go, Sissy." She whispered and buried her face in a warm shoulder.
"I wanna stay all night. I wanna stay with you."
"Don't be kidding." Setsuna's answer was rough as she pushed the girl gently
away. "Come." The young woman turned around to search for the car keys and for
her own jacket. Not seeing that Elza looked suddenly very, very sad.

***

"Here we are."
Setsuna stopped at the big entrance of Elza's grandparent's house. It was huge,
looked almost like a palace from the outside. The same it looked from the
inside. Only Elza's rooms were a little bit different. Because they were never
tidied up. Mary tried her best, but Elza was too untidy and soon after the old
nursemaid was in the rooms they all looked like a big mess again.
"I guess Michiru will stay at home tomorrow. I'll go to a doctor with her if it
won't get any better. Please give that to your teacher." Setsuna handled Elza an
envelope and the red haired girl yawned slightly.
"No problem." Elza opened the door but hesitated. She turned around and looked
at Setsuna in the car's light. The young woman looked tired, too. "Who's that
girl? I mean, who's that Haruka?"
Setsuna blinked and slowly turned her head towards Elza. Then she shrugged her
shoulders.
"To be honest, I have no idea. She once saved Michi when some bad guys tried to
attack her and since that day Michi searched for her. Yesterday she found her
and brought her home."
Elza thought shortly about those words and frowned.
"Do you know anything about her? Besides that she gave birth to a daughter?"
"No." Admitted Setsuna after some seconds and sighed deeply. "But I guess we'll
get to know more during the next days and weeks."
"Will she really live with you?"
"I think so."
Elza leaned over to Setsuna and her blue eyes sparkled.
"I warn you! You belong to me, not to that girl! Don't even dream about it!"
Setsuna's eyes grew wide, then she shook her head and looked away.
"Stop fooling around, Elza."
"But I..."
"Go to bed. You'll write an English test tomorrow, right?"
Elza sighed deeply and nodded.
"Hai, but you know that I am very good in English."
"Not when you fall asleep during the lesson."
"That's a good point."
Elza stepped out of the car, but didn't close the door. For a moment she looked
up and stared at the clouds. It looked like rain. Cold rain that was typical for
autumn. The leaves started to colour and the wind could be really chilly now.
Elza wrapped her jacket closer around her body and shivered slightly.
"Sissy?"
"Hai?"
"Do you think she's here because of a second chance?" Elza lowered her head and
looked directly into tired dark eyes. "Do you think she is one of them?"
One of them.
One of them who were the way Michiru had been. Just eight years ago.
A lost soul.
Setsuna blinked and returned Elza's asking look.
But she's Sailor Uranus.
The same Michi is Sailor Neptune.
"Maybe... time will answer all our questions. Go to bed, little one. I'll call
you up tomorrow."
"Okay."
Elza leaned again forward until she almost kneeled on the seat. Quickly she
leaned forward and kissed an total astonished Setsuna on the cheek.
"You know I can't go to bed without a good night kiss." She giggled. The next
moment the door closed and Elza was gone. Some lights went on inside the big
house but Setsuna didn't even notice them. She only stared at the empty seat and
touched unbelievingly her right cheek.
After a long time, she couldn't define if she sat there for minutes or even for
hours, she started the car again and drove away.
"Joker!"

***

"They always say that it's very easy."
Haruka looked sceptical at the stick she was holding in her hands and the cloth
that laid before her on the soft carpet. It was covered with little teddy
bears.
"But I guess you need to study mechanical engineering to understand that."
Haruka looked at the hammer but decided against it. It wouldn't make any help if
she would use it. It would only destroy the cradle and that was the last thing
the blonde wanted.
"Michiru? What's the next stick? This or that one?" Haruka frowned as she tried
the first one. It was too long. "Michiru?" She turned her head as no one
answered and froze in motion. The girl laid on her bed. Her eyes were closed and
she was visible asleep. She had wrapped her arms carefully around Hotaru who
held sea green strands in her tiny hands. They both smiled in their dreams.
She won't break her promise.
Haruka gulped and put the sticks quietly down. Suddenly she knew that her
daughter was safe here. Maybe the two sisters would hate her once they would
find out who she was. Once they found everything out about her dark past. But
they would never hate her daughter. A small, innocent child. A cute child that
only wanted to live. Who now got the chance to grow up.
Haruka came slowly to her feet and went over to the bed. Michiru looked
peaceful. Soft. So complete different from yesterday. When she made her the most
dangerous deal in her life. Still Haruka didn't know anything about the
talismans, hadn't seen a youma yet, hadn't fight yet. Hadn't been that senshi
yet. She didn't know what waited for her, what the next day would bring. But she
knew that her daughter was safe here. That she was with persons who loved her. A
little child of just five months who needed that love. Who needed the chance
Michiru offered her.
Whatever it will cost, you will live, Himme-chan. Whatever I'll have to do, you
will grow up. You will live your whole life. You will experience all those nice
things like school, friendship and love.
Haruka bit on her lower lip as Hotaru pulled in her sleep on sea green strands
and smiled as Michiru automatically started to stroke her tiny arm.
Maybe they are right. Maybe I am a damn bad mother.
Haruka wrapped her arms around her body and looked back at the cradle and all
the bags still lying at the ground.
Maybe I can't give you all those things. You are five months now, Himme-chan and
I could never afford you a doll or something to play. Not even a cradle.
Haruka gulped and felt suddenly alone. As alone as she hadn't felt again after
that dark night on the street. After Hikari died. Before she got to know that
she was pregnant.
Maybe someone like me shouldn't have a daughter.
But whatever will happen, I'll always be there for you, Himme-chan. I will
protect you against the evil of this world. I will care for you. That you won't
do the same mistakes I did.
"Haruka?"
She looked up as she heard the silent voice. Setsuna leaned against the door
frame and watched her. Haruka didn't know how long she already stood there. She
didn't hear her come. But she wouldn't ask. It was alike to her what other
people thought about her. Most of them hated her anyway.
"And, what is the cradle doing?"
"A big chaos." Sighed Haruka and went back to the components covering the soft
carpet. "Michiru tried to help me but she fell asleep."
"It had been a long day." Setsuna came over to the bed and looked for a short
moment at her little sister. A sad smile formed on her face as she covered her
with a soft blanket and stroked loving over Hotaru's redden cheeks. "And she is
injured. I gave her medicine that made her tired."
"Medicine? Did she catch a cold?" Haruka took again the sticks, determined to
find out how they all would fit together. She knew that the cradle had been
incredibly expensive. She didn't want to break it, but she was too proud to ask
anyone else to help her.
"No. She fought with a youma." Setsuna sat down next to the tall blonde and
sighed deeply. "That's always the problem. When she's at school or at her way
home and a youma appears. I am not around, I work, Haruka. I can't help her. At
the beginning the youmas were very weak and no problem for Michi. But recently
they got stronger and stronger. I am really afraid that one day a youma will be
too strong for Michi and that he will really hurt her. That he will inure her
dangerously. That she might die..." Setsuna closed her eyes for a moment,
fighting with her self control. As she opened them again they were a shade
darker than normal.
"Die? Are those youmas so dangerous?" Haruka frowned and concentrated again on
the sticks. Somehow it all looked wrong. Somehow it all wouldn't fit.
"They are searching for those talismans, too. They try to kill everyone who's in
their way. That's the reason why Michi brought you home. That's the reason
why..."
"To fight and die?" Haruka's head jerked around and there was deep anger burning
in her dark green eyes. "I thought we would search for those jewels and kick
some asses of some guys. No one told me that we could die!" Haruka shook her
head and put the sticks down. Determined to get up, to get her daughter and to
go. "Thank you for your nice offer, but I can't risk to die. I have a daughter
who needs me."
"Haruka!" Setsuna grabbed her arm and forced her to stay on the ground. "Listen
to me before you let your temper control your mind!"
"Listen?" gritted Haruka through her teeth. "To your stupid words? No thank you!
Hotaru needs me! When I'll die, she'll die, too."
"She won't be alone. And you won't die. Those youmas are dangerous, but then we
are three. Then we are stronger. With your help."
"I won't let Hotaru lead the life I had." Now Haruka really wanted to get up and
Setsuna needed all her strength to hold her back. Suddenly she knew that
normally no one could hold Haruka back. Not when she would have been healthy.
Not when she wouldn't have given birth to a child recently. Not when she
wouldn't have been so thin.
For a moment there was silence between them. Then Setsuna sighed worn out.
"I thought Michi told you everything yesterday. So, why did you come with her
then?" asked the young woman and watched how Haruka looked again over to the bed
and to the sleeping persons.
Because it's Hotaru's only chance to live.
But when I die...
The operation will be paid. Surely. Even if I die...
But...
"It's not only the search for the talismans and those youmas, Haruka. Michi
can't stand that all alone any longer. I work, I can't go with her to school. I
can't protect her. But you can."
Setsuna reached for the sticks and pushed them in Haruka's hands.
"Try it this way." She said and produced an exercise book and a pencil. "And now
tell me something about you."
Haruka who saw that the sticks did suddenly fit, raised her head and dark green
eyes sparkled mysteriously. Suddenly Setsuna knew that the tall girl wouldn't
tell her anything about herself. Not voluntarily. Maybe never.
"I need your date of birth and some normal dates. I won't ask you after Hotaru's
father or where your family is. I simply need some simple facts."
Haruka finished the cradle and shook her head.
She doesn't want to know it. No one wants to know anything about me. 
"Why?" was all she asked in a low, icy voice and took care for the curtain. It
was really cute. With all those teddy bears.
"Because Michi got really bad injured today. Elza can't help her, she's not a
senshi. But Michi believes that you are. Once you are in a fight you will surely
transform and understand everything."
Haruka made a face that told Setsuna that she didn't believe in her words, but
the young woman simply ignored it.
"I have no idea if I can trust you, Haruka. I don't know you. Not at all, but I
have to trust you. I have to trust you that you will protect my Michi. That you
will take care that she doesn't have to fight alone any longer when I am not
around. Especially at school. I simply have to trust you, Haruka, that you will
be there for her. Because Michi is the most important person in my life. She's
my little sister and I am responsible for her. If anything would happen to her,
I would never forgive myself. I love her the same you love your daughter,
Haruka. Do you understand me?"
Haruka only nodded and played with the curtain.
"Please, Haruka. You need us..." Setsuna looked at all the bags and the cradle
and then at the thin girl again. "... and we need you."
>You need a smart girl like me and I need a strong girl like you.<
>Do you really think so?<
>Of course. You don't know the rules here and I am too weak to defend myself.<
>I don't need anyone.<
>Here you do. See it as a deal. I will show you how to make money and you will
have an eye on me, okay?<
>As a deal.<
>Common, you need a friend, don't ya? You look lonely. As lonely as I.<
>I don't need anyone.<
>Sure, strong one. I am Hikari. And who are you?<
>I don't need anyone and my name is nothing that affects you.<
>Sure, strong one.<
Haruka blinked but the memory was gone as quickly as it returned. Shortly she
looked at Setsuna who scribbled again on the paper.
See it, girl. You need their money for the operation of your daughter and they
need a bodyguard. As long as you only have to be the bodyguard, take that job.
It's the easiest one you can get.
But one million dollar just to have an eye on Michiru and to protect her against
some rude guys?
"You don't have to love us, Haruka. But we are all senshi, you have to accept
your destiny."
Love.
I don't believe in love any longer.
It's a dream, a myth. Some things that are described in cheap book and in silly
Hollywood movies. But it will never come true. It's something that simply can't
exist in reality.
There's no love. Not for someone like me.
Haruka gulped and felt again her daughter in her arms, drinking greedily her
milk.
But for her. Maybe...
"And now I need your date of birth and where you were born." Setsuna scribbled
even more on the sheet.
"Why?"
"Because I need to think of a good excuse why you change schools in the middle
of the year." Answered Setsuna. "And I need a story our school headmaster
believes."
"School?" Haruka's eyes grew wide. The last time she had seen a school from the
inside had been when her parents were still alive. That was now over two years
ago. "School?"
"Hai. I am too old to go to school with Michi. But you are at the right age.
We'll simply make you one year younger."
"But I hated school."
"So does Elza. But she goes to school every day, too."
"No." Haruka shook her head. "I am too stupid! I never finished school. They
would know it when I'll have to write my first test in Japanese literature."
"Literature is very hard. Most people aren't very good in it." Setsuna chewed on
her pen and scribbled again. "And so it's only good for you. Then you can finish
your school while you protect my Michi. Isn't that a deal? Don't worry, Michi is
very good at school. She will help you that you will pass the exams next
summer."
"No. I won't go back to school! I have to take care for Himme-chan!"
"I work at home. I can take care for her. I can already change nappies. You only
have to show me how to feed her the way you do."
"No." Haruka shook her head terrified. "No, forget it."
"The school uniform shouldn't be a problem. I only need to phone with Michiru's
teacher and to make sure that no one will ask stupid questions."
"I said no!"
"Do you have your last report somewhere? Oh... and I surely need some more
dates. So, let's start again. When is your birthday?" Setsuna simply ignored
Haruka's objection. She was too happy about the perfect idea. 
"No. Forget it!" Haruka stood up with a sudden and pushed her hands in her hips.
"I won't go back to school. No way!"

***

"Welcome to our school, Tenô-san."
The old man smiled friendly at her. It was early in the morning. But she was
awake. And nervous. It all seemed to be like a dream. A dream she wasn't sure if
it wouldn't turn into a nightmare the next moment. Michiru didn't go to school
yesterday and they used the whole day to take care of Haruka's file. A small
folder she gave the old man just ten minutes ago. He studied the papers
carefully, made himself a copy and then gave it back to her. The papers looked
the normal way. They were a little bit crumbled and yellowed. It was incredible
what Setsuna could do with her computers. Haruka showed her her last report and
after that they made a new one. With almost the same notes. They changed
Haruka's curriculum vitae, the same they changed her date of birth. Officially
she was seventeen now, as old as Elza and Michiru. Setsuna invented a story, she
was really good in inventing stories. Now Haruka was Michiru's cousin who moved
from Kyoto to Tokyo. Whose parents were business people and worked in America.
So that she lived with her far away relatives now.
Haruka protested the whole day, but Setsuna could be very stubborn. More than
once Haruka said coldly that it was all in vain, that she wouldn't go to school.
But finally she agreed. Not because of Setsuna's words and not because of the
guilt she felt as she changed into her new clothes that had been really
expensive. She changed her mind as she saw how Michiru humbled through the day.
How she sat on the couch with a wet, cold towel around her swollen ankle,
watching Hotaru sleeping in her new cradle next to her. Haruka stood for a long
time unnoticed at the door and watched Michiru who listened to classic music and
rocked the cradle time by time. With a sad expression in her face. With pain in
deep blue eyes.
Haruka never wanted to be responsible for someone else again. Not after she
couldn't help Hikari. Not after she saw her best friend dying, in her arms. But
then she found out that she was pregnant. Then Hotaru was born. She would always
be responsible for that little girl who trusted her so blindly. And while she
stood there, hearing Setsuna cursing in the distant that something didn't work
properly, she looked at Michiru. It was such a peaceful picture how she took
care of a strange child she only knew for two days that it touched Haruka. It
touched her deeply in her heart and she decided that she was not only
responsible for her Himme-chan, but somehow for Michiru, too. She couldn't
define those feelings nor could she understand that crazy thought, but she
wanted to protect that girl with the sea green hairs and the skin like
porcelain. She didn't want to see the sadness in those eyes that were as deep as
the sea any longer. She wanted to see her laugh. Haruka never saw Michiru laugh,
but she imagined that she would look beautiful. With a happy, an honest smile on
that now so pale face.
That was the moment when Haruka decided that she would go to school again. That
she would trust Setsuna to take care for Hotaru. That she would protect Michiru.
Against those youmas they were talking about if it was necessary.
And now she was standing here. In the principal's office. Looking in an old
man's smiling face.
"I hope you will have a good time and do an excellent exam at the end of the
term." 
Teacher, they are always saying the same.
Haruka nodded friendly and bowed. She never liked teachers a lot, but he seemed
to be nice. At least he looked understanding. That was the most important thing
for her about a teacher, that they should understand their pupils. 
"But your marks are quite well, I don't doubt that you will have an excellent
report at the end of the term."
Her marks. That was another point when Setsuna and she argued, and Michiru
finally decided which marks they should take from her old report and which they
should change a little bit. Haruka was very angry when Setsuna wanted to change
her sport mark, because she had always been proud to be the best in her school.
Now she had to stand behind. Setsuna invented another story so that she wouldn't
have to take part in P.E. any longer. At least not in the complicate and
exhausting parts of it. Haruka was raging but Michiru and Setsuna declared her
that she had to save her powers for the fights against the youmas and that the
sport teacher was really an asshole. He tortured all people - especially Michiru
who didn't want to play volleyball because she didn't want to break her fingers.
As Haruka got to know, Michiru liked to play the violin a lot and she didn't
want to ruin her career as a musician just because of that stupid school
teacher. So they decided to give her a worse mark and to counterfeit a
certificate from Setsuna's doctor that would tell the teacher that she wasn't
allowed to do serious sport any longer. Because of a dangerous appendicitis that
caused big complications during the operation.
"I'll do my best." answered Haruka honestly and held the folder tighter in her
slightly trembling hands. She couldn't remember the last time she had been at
school. It was so long ago. Over two long years. In another time. In another
life.
But nevertheless everything was so well known. The chatting of the pupils
outside the corridors, the laughing and the loud arguing of the younger ones.
The low voices of the teachers. The scent of chalk and paper. And of coffee, of
course. It was a long forgotten feeling that made Haruka shiver. She seemed to
be fifteen again. Again she would go to her class and chat with her friends. To
tease them around and to be teased in return. To annoy the teacher and to break
another school record in sport. To be fetched up by her father who wanted to
show her the opera he would play at the next evening. To meet her mother in the
city. In a nice little restaurant where they would eat dinner. Haruka would talk
the whole evening. Excitedly. Feeling that she was loved. By her parents. Deeply
loved.
Mommy.
Daddy.
Haruka took a deep breath as she closed the door behind herself. Her new teacher
was already waiting for her. She was small, almost half a head smaller than
Haruka. But she looked determined and a little bit strict. Her dark violet hairs
were bound together in her neck and the costume she wore was grey . 
"You are Tenô Haruka?" she asked and looked into a green book. 
"Hai." Bowed Haruka and gulped. It was really like a dream. From another life
she used to live. Before the shadows came and took her away. Right into hell. 
I wish I could start again.
Of course she couldn't start from the beginning on. She couldn't change what
happened. And some things she would never change, even if she had the power to
do so. She loved her daughter and she would go again through that hell for her.
Even if someone would turn back time, she would do the same to get her. But she
would change so many other things. She would buy that pullover for Hikari. She
would force Hikari to go to hospital earlier. She would never take those pills
that soon lead to painful injections. She would never try to sell herself again.
She would never steal again, rob an old woman who broke her arm when she pushed
her to the ground. 
I wish I could start again.
She couldn't start again from the beginning, but she could start again from this
point. She could try to make things better than she had done the past two years.
She could try to make the best out of the life that was left for her. After all
the dark nights, after all the cold days. After the hours in silence, in total
loneliness. After the minutes of despair and pain. After the seconds of total
giving up.
"Konnichi wa, Haruka. I am Himato Sarah." She smiled and there was a slight
accent in her voice. But only a slight one you would never get rid of, no matter
how long you lived in the country so far away from your birth place.
"Konnichi wa, Himato-sama." 
The teacher smiled and crossed the corridor.
"Let's go to your new class, Haruka. You will see that you will feel fine here.
And don't worry about the stuff you missed during the past year, we have some
really good clubs to learn after school."
Haruka made a confused face and the teacher smiled even friendlier.
"I read your file while I copied it." She gave in and winked. "I hope everything
is fine again after the operation. My sister had the same problem. It was a
simple operation but she couldn't stand a special medicine she got during it. No
one knew it and she almost died. But she feels better now and next year she
wants to work again. Sometimes doctors can make you ill, right?"
"Hai." Answered Haruka and held the folder tighter in her hands. Cursing Setsuna
once more for that bloody story. A story she wouldn't have believed herself, but
all teachers seemed to take it for real.
"Your classmates might be wild sometimes, but they are all nice deep in their
hearts." Sarah opened the door and loud voices welcomed them. Some pupils chased
each other around, some others tried to communicate through the whole classroom.
A girl with long, dark hairs tried to tidy the table, but a boy stole her the
sponge. Angrily she splashed him with water.
For a moment Haruka stood there in total silence and looked astonished at the
chaos. Until her teacher pulled her with her after she shut the door.
"Attention! I am here and if you don't want to weed the flowers in the school
garden, you should be quiet now!" shouted Sarah. Suddenly all pupils were
silent. A lot of eyes looked surprised at Haruka and she lowered her head a
little bit. Until she saw Michiru. She sat near the window. Quietly she sat
there, a book opened in her lap. Elza sat next to her, whispering loudly without
breathing. Michiru only nodded but obviously didn't listen. But the sudden
silence seemed to disturb her. She raised her head and looked over to the
teacher. And discovered Haruka standing there. For a moment they looked each
other deep into the eyes. Then Michiru smiled encouraging.
"That's your new classmate. Her name is Tenô Haruka and she moved from Kyoto
because her parents found a new job. That's right, isn't it?"
"Hai." Nodded Haruka and was thankful as the teacher showed her to sit down. She
was really not in the mood to talk about herself. To make something up that
would sound fantastic but was not true. Not any longer.
"Just sit down. You all can ask her later what she likes and what not, first we
have English lesson!" Suddenly Haruka knew where that small accent came from.
Sarah, that was not a Japanese name. But it was a typical name for the western
world.
"Her? That's a girl?" shouted a boy from the end of the classroom and some other
laughed. Haruka didn't say a word. She decided for the boy's uniform, because
she didn't feel right with a skirt. Setsuna didn't ask a lot as she drove to
school to get it. Michiru wanted to have an extra long skirt that covered her
ankles when she walked and Elza decided for an extra short one that hardly
covered her knees. A school uniform was duty, but everyone changed it a little
bit to make it unique. So why shouldn't Haruka wear pants then?
"Of course that's a girl, are you blind?" shouted another girl back. It was the
girl with long black hairs who just tidied the table. Next to her was an empty
place and she winked at Haruka to sit down next to her. On the other side of the
small gangway between the tables sat Elza and Michiru, so the tall blonde sat
down.
"Hello, I am Tamara." Introduced the girl herself and smiled. She wore the
typical school uniform, but made herself unique with the jewellery she wore. Her
fingers were full with gold and she used a lot of make up. Haruka wasn't sure if
she would like her, but that was not the point. Not right now. Not while Sarah
started her lesson and not while Haruka would take part at her first school day
after over two years.
It felt so damn familiar.
So damn good.
As if she would really get another chance. To make something of her life. Maybe
she would really stay so long until she could do the exams and have a real
report. To be able to get better jobs to earn enough to get by with her
daughter.
Haruka was very relieved when she found out that Sarah was a nice teacher. She
only took the pupils to come to the table to solve a question who wanted to come
or who chatted with their friends. She could remember some words in English,
too, but it was so long ago, she would have made too many mistakes.
There was another hard question and while Haruka searched in the book Setsuna
gave her the last evening, Michiru rose and went in front of the class to solve
it. The blonde forgot for a moment her search and watched the girl. How she
raised her arm and wrote some signs on the table to explain her words.
She is intelligent.
But somehow she looks cold. Colder than at home.
"You are new, so I want to tell you something." Whispered Tamara next to her and
stroked some strands of her curled hair behind her ears. "That's Meioh Michiru.
She's a rich, spoiled girl. You shouldn't go nearer to her. She's bad and
dirty." 
Haruka frowned and looked shortly at her classmate. She had some other
definitions of bad and dirty. Especially of dirty.
"She never admitted it, but she's a lesbian. You shouldn't try to become a
friend of her. She might infects you with that illness."
Illness?
Infect?
>Haru, don't touch me! Don't! Please...<
>But I want you. I want to hold you, Hika-chan. I want so badly to love you.<
>You mustn't, Haru! You'd infect yourself! It's a bad illness, it will kill you
sooner or later. It's not worth it!<
>Hika-chan...<
>Please, Haru. I want you to live...<
Infect?
Illness?
"Shut up, Tamara. Do you hear how stupid your words sound? To be a lesbian is
not dirty nor is it an illness. Or is it an illness to lust after every boy at
school?" snapped Elza very loudly, not caring about the teacher who looked very
strict.
"I still don't understand how such a nice girl like you is a friend of that
girl!"
"Michiru is a very nice girl!"
"She is cold and distant. And she isn't interested in boys."
Elza looked shortly around and grinned an evil grin while she laid one foot on
the table.
"I must admit, that I am not interested in any of those boys, either. They are
simply too young!"
Some boys shouted angrily, some other girls applauded. They obviously didn't
like the clowns in their class, too.
"But she isn't even interested in older boys. She isn't interested in anyone.
She is simply cold. A cold witch!" snapped Tamara back, not caring that Sarah
coughed.
>You are a lesbian, right?<
>...<
>You don't have to be ashamed about your feelings, Haru. It's just the way you
look at other women. The way you look at me.<
>If I made you feel uncomfortable, Hikari, I am sorry.<
>No, it's okay. You know, you can tell me everything. We are friends now,
right?<
>Hai...<
Hikari had been the first person Haruka had told the truth. And she had been the
only one. It was something that wasn't interesting about her. For no one. What
would it mean if she liked boys or girls more? No one would ever love someone
like her. Besides she had a daughter to take care of.
Is Michiru really a lesbian?
On the other hand, would it make any differences if the rich girl looked after a
strong boy or a nice girl? Would anything change if they both would have the
same preference for which a lot of people would hate them? Michiru needed
someone to search for the talismans and she obviously needed someone to take
care of her besides Elza who had herself not under control. Who already yelled
at Tamara who of course yelled back. And Haruka needed Michiru to pay the
operation for little Hotaru. Everything else was not important.
Not important? What am I talking about? I only know her for three days! I really
should have learned that dreaming is senseless.
Nevertheless her mind already started dreaming. A long dream that was wonderful,
but that would never come true.
Haruka turned her head but Michiru turned her back towards them. Writing down
some signs very slowly. As if she would think of the translation of the last two
verbs. Very easy verbs even Haruka could remember.
"You are the witch, Tamara! You have no feelings!"
"Oh, that's saying the one who..."
"Shut up you two! Out of the corridor and don't come back before you didn't calm
down!" said Sarah in a low voice that allowed no contradict. Elza and Tamara
exchanged angry glances before they did as they were told. You cold hear them
argue even through the door until Sarah opened the door and told them to be
quiet. To behave like decent girls.
Michiru finished her task. She did it excellent. As always as the teacher said.
Haruka could see that the girl was pale as she sat down at her table again. As
she took her pen to write down the next task. Her hand shook and Haruka could
see some tears sparkling in blue eyes.
Suddenly she knew why Setsuna was so concerned.
And suddenly she liked Elza a lot more.

***

"Tamara?"
The black haired girl turned around and smiled happily at her. They were
changing rooms to go to the biology lesson. Haruka could hardly remember
anything she ever learned about animals and plants but it sounded better than
English.
"Hai, Haruka?"
>Don't listen to them, Haru. You know that they are lying, because they don't
know better. They don't know who you really are so they spit in your face
instead.<
>But I can't simply let them insult you!<
>It wasn't that bad, Haru. I can live with that.<
>But I can't! They called you a whore.<
>Well...<
>They are wrong! It's wrong to insult you!<
>Haru...<
She had defended Hikari. They had been four guys and she had been alone. Of
course they hurt her, but she won in the end. She could rescue Hikari's pride or
the rest that was left of it. She had felt better afterwards. A lot better.
"Insult Michiru again and I'll be very angry with you. Elza is innocent in
comparison to me."
"Nani?" Dark eyes grew wide and Tamara looked unbelieving.
Haruka only turned away and went over to the classroom. Leaving a very confused
girl behind.

***

Michiru swam in her swimming pool at home. She liked the water. It was clear and
pleasant fresh. Here she could think and have a little time of her own.
Soft violin music filled the air and she closed her eyes as she laid herself on
the back and trusted herself completely to the water. To the wet element that
would never harm her. Not her, the senshi of the ocean, the child of the sea.
The last two weeks had been like a dream. Every morning she stood up and ate
breakfast together with Haruka. First the tall blonde fed her daughter and let
her sleep again, then she served herself a roll with chocolate. It was nice to
have someone in the morning she could talk to. About school, but also about
other things. About her music, about her drawings. Haruka had been very
surprised when she told her that she drew all the paintings hanging around in
the whole house. The same she had been surprised when she showed her proudly all
the CDs she already recorded. Haruka gave in that she never had been very
interested in classic music and that she never heard of her, but Michiru wasn't
angry. She was even happy when Haruka liked her music when she played it to her
from the CD recorder. Hai, it was nice to talk to her in the morning. Setsuna
never went to bed before dawn, so she never left bed before noon. Michiru
couldn't remember a morning when Setsuna didn't spend the morning in bed or
looked like a zombie when she had to leave it earlier than lunch time.
Especially at the weekend it was fantastic. To make a long breakfast with Haruka
and Hotaru and to talk to the blonde about the past week or simply about the
stuff that stood in the newspaper they got every morning.
Haruka was very smart. She learned quickly what she missed during the past time.
At school she was always with them and suddenly Tamara stopped to argue with
her. The evenings were almost the same. They came home, Haruka took care for
Hotaru while Michiru had some rehearsals. Later Setsuna made something to eat
and after dinner they sat together in Haruka's room to make homework and to
learn for the next test. Haruka's English was miserable and she didn't like
literature, but she liked biology. Now they were talking about some birds and
she could memorise their lives very well. And she seemed to be a genius in math.
Michiru never liked math and was fascinated that someone could count so
quickly.
For the first time Michiru didn't feel alone any longer. Okay, there were
Setsuna and Elza but somehow it was not the same. They both belonged to the
family, Haruka was a friend.
Is she really a friend?
Really?
Until now there had been no other youma and so there had been no other chance to
find out if Haruka was really Sailor Uranus. So they had a lot of time to get to
know each other better. Or at least to get to know about the other one's habits.
When Michiru went downstairs yesterday, soft classic music was already filling
the kitchen and Haruka tried to make coffee. Michiru made the rolls in return.
Haruka confessed her that she was a really bad cook and that she could burn
water so she mostly did the easy tasks in the kitchen and left the big ones to
Michiru or Setsuna.
Really?
A real friend?
Michiru spread her arms and let out her breath. Soft water played with her open
hairs and she simply enjoyed that feeling. Hotaru was a lovely child. Michiru
hardly noticed that Haruka got up in the middle of the night to feed her. The
little girl often looked a little bit pale and got quickly exhausted when you
played with her, but she was very attentive. With her big eyes she tried to
discover the world and grabbed for everything she could get into her little
fingers. Her laughter was very quiet, but when she smiled it was an honest smile
that made Michiru feel happy and loved. She wanted to hold that child forever.
To love it. She only knew her for two weeks but she couldn't imagine her life
any longer without the little one. The cradle was really fantastic. Elza did a
good decision. The teddy bears were simply cute. And they fitted perfectly to
the big teddy bear Setsuna bought secretly and simply put it next to the cradle.
Just like she bought a little dolphin she gave a surprised Haruka. With the
words that Haruka should give Hotaru her very first toy and that Setsuna would
give Hotaru the teddy bear afterwards as her second toy.
It was a gesture that made Michiru very proud of her sister. They both didn't
know a lot about Haruka, but they knew that she left school when she was nearly
sixteen, that she lived in a small flat and that she had hardly any money to
afford any toys for Hotaru. But Setsuna didn't want to push Haruka away, so she
gave her the dolphin and later on Hotaru the teddy bear. Now Haruka's room
looked more like a child's room. There were may toys lying on the ground. There
was even a rocking horse Hotaru wouldn't be able to use before she was at least
one year old. But Setsuna simply bought it. When she went shopping with Elza the
last Friday. They both spent the whole afternoon in Tokyo city and when they
returned they had been packed like a donkey. With a lot of toys and fairy tale
books to tell the little girl nice stories before she had to sleep.
It took Michiru one hour to convince her sister that Hotaru wouldn't need a
colouring book until she wouldn't go to the kindergarten. Michiru had never seen
Setsuna nor Elza that crazy. But at the same time she had to admit that she was
as crazy as them.
They all simply fell in love with the little sun shine.
We'll have the first appointment with the doctor in two days.
Michiru didn't tell Haruka yet. She talked to her parent's doctor yesterday and
somehow needed her time to get ready. She really loved that little girl and she
was really afraid of what the doctor would tell them. What he would say about
the operation. What the tests would show them. Haruka had never been to a good
doctor, to a specialist. Maybe the other doctors were wrong? Or, what seemed to
be even worse, maybe they were right? Michiru promised Haruka to take care for
Hotaru. To pay the operation and to let her live here at least as long as it
would take the little girl to recover completely. Maybe they would find the
talismans in the meantime. Michiru didn't know if Haruka wanted to go after they
full filled their mission. She didn't dare to ask. She didn't want to look like
a total idiot, to beg someone she hardly knew to stay when everything was over.
But somehow she couldn't imagine her life any longer without those two. In just
two weeks they fitted so well in her life that she would miss them badly if they
had to go again one day.
Maybe it's because Haruka's Sailor Uranus and Hotaru is simply her daughter.
Maybe it has to do something with our past. With the destiny the queen was
talking about when Sissy and I got our henshin. Maybe it's simply karma.
Michiru let herself being part of the water and moved her legs lazily.
She didn't tell Setsuna about the operation. She simply didn't know how. She
couldn't tell her sister that she forced Haruka to come with her. That she told
Haruka that she would pay for the operation when Haruka would take the henshin
and fight with them. She didn't want her sister to think less of her. But sooner
or later Setsuna would find out about Hotaru's illness and then she had to find
a good excuse.
The melody got quieter and she looked over to the rim. Haruka stood there. She
still wore her uniform pants, but pulled a dark green pullover over the shirt.
It fitted perfectly to her eyes and suited her very well. Hotaru laid in her
arms and stretched her tiny hands towards the wet element. She seemed to like
the sparkling of the surface.
"What's up?" asked Michiru and swam over to the blonde. With an elegant motion
she left the swimming pool and wrapped a towel around her body. It was warm in
the house, but nevertheless she froze when she left the water. Especially when
she still wore her light blue swimming suit.
"Dinner is ready. Elza cooked."
"Oh, oh..." Michiru made a terrified face but had to grin as Haruka smiled.
"Setsuna helped her. Guess she could save the most of it."
"Okay, then I'll come." The sea goddess wanted to turn away to get her bathrobe,
but tiny hands held her back. Or better, her hairs. Hotaru looked fascinated at
the water drops that sparkled like diamonds in her strands. "You like the water,
don't ya?" whispered Michiru and giggled softly.
"She is as crazy as a mermaid." Admitted Haruka and freed carefully Michiru's
strands out of greedy fingers. "But it's too dangerous for her." For a moment
the tall girl looked longing at the water, then she whispered some nice words to
her daughter who laughed silently.
"Tell Sissy to give me two more minutes to change." Michiru grabbed her bathrobe
and stood for some moments alone in the swimming hall as Haruka was gone.
Deciding if it had been a good idea that just occurred her.

***

"I can't believe that you forgot the salt."
Setsuna shook her head as she served herself some mashed potatoes.
"I can't stand any salt. You know that. It's not healthy." Defended Elza herself
and made a depressive face.
"But it tastes." Setsuna watched how Michiru covered her mashed potatoes with a
thick layer of mustard and sighed deeply. The only one who seemed to eat normal
was Haruka. More or less. The blonde simply sat there and stared at her meal.
Poking it with her fork to make sure that it was surely dead and wouldn't stand
up in the smiddle of the dinner and run away.
"Can't at least one of us eat normal?"
"You do, that's enough." Answered Elza happily and gave each of them two fried
eggs. The red haired girl liked to make dinner, but she refused to make any
meat. She hated meat but had a lot of other possibilities. The only one who
complained sometimes was Setsuna. But one look in the young woman's smiling face
made sure that she was only teasing Elza around.
"And Himme-chan." The three girls only needed one day to get to know Haruka's
nickname for her daughter and now they all used it. With a warm tone in their
voices.
"She likes her mash and doesn't have to eat this." Giggled Michiru and swirled
the mustard, the mashed potatoes and the eggs around on her plate until it
looked like a big battle field.
"It's not that bad." Smacked Elza happily and reached for the ketchup bottle.
She didn't like meat nor salt. But she would kill for a good ketchup.
"No." Setsuna ate with fork and knife and tried to ignore that Haruka only used
one fork, that Michiru fought with her dinner as if it was her worst enemy and
that Elza only used her spoon to eat quickly. "It's okay, Elza."
"Thanks for that praise."
"But it would be better with a sausage."
"Oh, Sissy!!!" cried Elza out and shook her head. "What do you think, Haruka?
It's nice that way, isn't it?"
The tall blonde reached for the cheese and put some quarters under her mashed
potatoes.
"It is nice, don't worry." She answered quickly because she knew that Elza could
be really the death for one's nerves.
"And what are you doing? Playing hide and seek with your cheese?" asked Michiru
while she killed her second egg and buried it under a thick layer of mustard.
"It melts and tastes delicious. My mother used to do that when I was small."
For a moment was silence, because it was the first time that Haruka told them
something about her past.
"My mother always made little hedgehogs out of tomatoes and put them on top of
the meals. Really cute."
"Oh... do you want to say that I should do that, too?"
"No, I don't want you to cut off your fingers."
"Oh!" Elza pouted and filled her mouth quickly with another spoon full of egg
and ketchup and kept quiet.
"How had been your athletics club, Elza?" changed Michiru the topic because she
didn't want to hear her sister and Elza argue. Normally those fights were funny.
They were just teasing each other around. But the last time those fights became
somehow more serious. Sometimes Elza was really angry and Setsuna so strangely
cold. Michiru didn't know what was going on, but she knew that she wanted to eat
in peace.
"Fine."
"Athletics Club?" asked Haruka interested and looked satisfied as she found out
that the cheese already melted. Hotaru babbled in her dreams. They had put the
cradle in the kitchen. Orpheus laid lazily next to it. The dog didn't like
vegetarian food and would start to beg again tomorrow when Setsuna would make
their dinner. Hopefully with a lot of meat.
"Hai. We practice very hard. Next year there'll be a competition and if I'll win
it I can go to the official games of Japan. Would be great."
"Then I wish you luck."
"Arigato, I am working very hard for it."
"Hai, she is very fast." Answered Michiru and remembered slightly that Haruka
once told her that she had been very good in athletics, too. But she wasn't sure
if she should notice it. Haruka didn't look as if she wanted to talk about it.
"Hai. Every time she has to set the table, she's so quick that I have to do it."
Answered Setsuna and reached again for the salt. Elza only showed her her tongue
before she filled her mouth again.
"And how was your math test today, Michi?"
The sea green haired girl only groaned and tried to hide behind her fork. 
"Let's talk about it when we'll get it back, okay?"
Setsuna raised her eyebrows, then she sighed and nodded.
"Okay."
"Just because you've been so good in it doesn't mean that I am good, too."
"But you could do better, I know that."
"It's so complicate. To play my violin is a lot easier."
"Maybe..."
Elza suddenly jumped from her chair and Orpheus looked tiredly up.
"Let's listen to music while we eat. It's so quiet today. What do you wanna hear
Haruka?" she shouted as she walked over to the living room. "We have classic
music à la Michiru. Then we have my music. That's mostly punk rock. Wild but
very nice..."
"Nice to get a head ache." Whispered Setsuna but got pale as Elza raised another
CD. Quickly she rose and went over to the living room to get it.
"And that's Sissy's music."
"That's unfair. Give it back to me!"
"Do you know what this is, Haruka?"
"Grey Elza! Take it down! At the instant!"
"Do you know what it is?"
Elza jumped on the couch so that Setsuna couldn't reach the CD. The young woman
stumbled over a sport magazine and almost fell on the ground.
"Elza!"
"She always listens to Country. American Country music! You should hear that
music. Like dogs howling in the night, because it's full moon. And then the
lyrics... the love seems to float out of the CD player when you listen to it."
"That means punishment!"
Setsuna finally got to grab Elza's sleeve and pulled her with her on the couch.
Soon they both fought with each other, but Setsuna was stronger. Elza started to
laugh helplessly as the young woman tickled her and she begged for help.
"Help! Haruka! Michiru!"
"Better not or my sister won't talk to me for the next days." Answered Michiru
and finished her meal.
Haruka only watched them. Teasing each other around. The tall blonde looked
around in the kitchen, looked at Hotaru sleeping peacefully in her cradle,
looked at Orpheus lying like a guarding dog in front of it. She looked at the
table, saw the different sauces standing there. Mustard for Michiru, ketchup for
Elza, salt and pepper for Setsuna. And now cheese for Haruka. They found out
soon that Haruka liked cheese a lot. Chocolate milk in the morning and something
with cheese in the evening. They ate their lunch mostly in the cafeteria at
school. If they had time, they did it together. But mostly Michiru had some
rehearsals and so only an always chatting Elza accompanied her. Just like some
other students. Most of the pupils were really nice to her and even Tamara was
friendly. After she told her that she liked Michiru and didn't let her be
insulted by someone, the dark haired girl was cold and a little bit distant, but
she never really shouted at her or was angry or simply hated her. As so many
people did before.
This is like being home.
Haruka gulped as the thought simply crossed her mind.
This was a normal Wednesday evening. She was sitting here at a normal table,
eating a normal dinner. Hearing happy people teasing each other around. Suddenly
she felt as if she would belong here. To this place. To those people. A feeling
that could fail every day. When they found out that she was the wrong one to
fight. Or when they would find those talismans. When they found out who she
really was. Then they wouldn't want her to be a friend any longer. No one wanted
to have someone like her to be family. No one.
But still it feels like being home.
It felt like a normal life she once had lead. When her parents had been still
alive. When she had been a cheeky, but happy girl. When she had been her
mother's darling and her father's pride.
Even if it's only a dream, it's a damn nice feeling.
Haruka turned her head and watched the happy smiling face of her little daughter
for a long time. Automatically she rose and went over to the cradle. She knelt
down next to Orpheus who crept nearer to her and rocked the cradle carefully.
Hotaru only smacked and held the little dolphin tighter in her small arms.
I always wanted to give you such a family, Himme-chan.
I always wanted you to grow up in such a crazy family that will love you with
all consequences.
I always wanted to bid you everything this world can offer.
Hai, it was only a dream. A dream limited in time. As soon as the operation
would be over, as soon as they would have found those talismans, Haruka would be
forced to leave. Then this dream would be over. The dream of belonging to nice
persons who liked her. Her, the dyke. Her, the junkie. Her, the whore...
It was only a dream. Haruka knew it. But for that tiny time she wanted to
believe in it. She simply wanted to dream that dream. Even if the wakening up
would break her heart.
Michiru watched Haruka in silence. Then she sat down next to her on the ground
and smiled at her while she petted Orpheus. The dog seemed obviously to enjoy
that attention a lot.
"Guess you already know that they are always that way." She pointed with her
head over to Setsuna and Elza. The young woman sat now on Elza's stomach and
tickled her softly. The red haired girl only laughed and begged for mercy.
"I like that way." Admitted Haruka and didn't turn her head away from the baby.
"They are funny."
"Hai, they are."
Finally Elza was able to free herself. She jumped over the table and came
running over to them. "So, what kind of music do you want to listen to?"
Haruka frowned and thought for some seconds.
"Don't you have a musical box? Guess Himme-chan would like that."
Elza nodded.
"Hai, Sissy still has one. Wonder if she needs it to fall asleep."
As Setsuna made a dark face and blushed, Elza burst out into laughter.

***

Setsuna filled the dishwasher. Haruka was upstairs to get Hotaru ready for bed
and Michiru wanted to practice a little bit her violin play. She had another
rehearsal today and an important concert in the weekend. She already invited
them all and even Elza who normally didn't like classic music so much, agreed to
come.
"Sissy?"
Setsuna stiffed as suddenly two arms embraced her from behind and how a smaller
body was pressed against her own one.
"What's up, little one?"
"You know that I am only teasing you around, right?" Elza's voice was strangely
quiet. Setsuna couldn't see the smaller girl's expression and frowned a little
bit.
"Of course I know that, little one."
"So you aren't angry with me?"
"No."
Elza let out a relieved sigh and pulled Setsuna closer for a brief moment. Then
she let suddenly go.
"Then it's okay."
With those words Elza left the kitchen, left a still frowning Setsuna behind who
stared at the opened door, forgetting that she still held a dirty plate in her
suddenly trembling hands.

***

Michiru couldn't concentrate on her violin play. She had to talk to Haruka,
about the appointment they had with the doctor in just two days.
The girl put the instrument down and went over to the other one's room. She
knocked once. Twice. As no one answered she entered the room quietly. She didn't
want to wake Hotaru up. But the little girl wasn't in her cradle. Nor was she on
the bed. Haruka couldn't be seen, too.
The door to the bathroom was opened and Michiru could hear a low voice singing.
It sounded a little bit wrong, but sung with a lot of passion.

"When the last eagle flies over the last crumbly mountain
When the last lion growls at the last thirsty fountain..."

Michiru smiled as she recognized the main song from a cartoon she once had loved
a lot. When she had been a small child. When she still believed in miracles.
Just like the unicorn that could free her fellows. And, what was normally
impossible for a creature like her, to fall in love and to feel sorrow. The song
went on and Michiru only stood there. In the middle of the room and listening to
the nice, maybe a little bit wrong but definitely soft voice. Haruka didn't
remember all of the lyrics. She started to hum the melody whenever the words
left her.

"When the last room is cast
Over the last star of morning
And the future has past
Without leaving a last desperate warning..."

Again she hummed and there was a silent giggle. And the noise of water falling
down. Tiny drops of water crashing through the surface.

"It's the last unicorn.
I am alive.
I will live."

Haruka's voice was clear as she sang it. And a little bit sad. Michiru frowned
and remembered why she was here. To talk to the blonde about her daughter. About
the doctor's appointment. And about the operation that would take place soon.
How soon that would the doctor decide in just two days.
Don't worry, Himme-chan, you will live.
Michiru gulped and stepped over to the bathroom. And froze at the door. Haruka
kneeled in front of the tube on the soft carpet. She was holding Hotaru
carefully in her arms who was covered with surely warm water up to her chest. A
red ducky was swimming over the surface, Michiru assumed that this was another
present of Setsuna, and tiny hands tried to grab it. A happy smile laid on a
redden face and the fluffy dark hairs were damp. But what made Michiru hesitate
was the fact that Haruka was naked, too.
For some moments the rich girl could only stand there. Staring at the blonde.
Seeing the thin body in front of her. Really seeing it, not only being hide in
the shadows of the flat while Haruka changed her clothes over two weeks ago.
There were some scars that covered the arms. Michiru couldn't define them. Maybe
they were from the drips. Haruka didn't tell her about it, but the scar crossing
her slim belly told Michiru that Hotaru's birth hadn't been very easy. Surely
she had to stay in hospital and those other scars would go within the next
months. The breasts were small. Small but well formed. For a brief second
Michiru wondered how it would look when Haruka would breastfeed little Hotaru
and blushed deeply as she asked herself how they would feel to touch. You could
see the rips under the skin and Michiru decided that Haruka had to eat more. She
had to put on weight. She had to be strong. For herself, for the mission and,
what was the most important thing, for her daughter. The operation wouldn't be
easy. Hotaru was so tiny, Michiru couldn't imagine that anyone could operate her
tiny heart. How that should be possible. Haruka needed all her powers to get
through that hard time. Hotaru would surely spend some weeks at hospital. Haruka
wasn't allowed to break down because she was almost starved. She had to be there
for her daughter. She had to be strong for the both of them.
Suddenly Michiru knew that this was what Haruka had been during the past year.
That his was also the reason why she was so thin. 
She can't take that responsibility all alone.
 Michiru gulped and stepped a little bit closer, causing some noises that made
Haruka raise her head. She looked deeply into big green eyes. Haruka blushed
deeply while Hotaru turned her head and held the ducky proudly in her tiny
hands.
"I didn't hear you come." Whispered Haruka and took her daughter out of the
water. Carefully she wrapped her into a soft towel and started to dry her.
Michiru knew that it was embarrassing for the blonde. The whole situation was
embarrassing, but she would take care of her daughter first, then she would
search for something to hide her nakedness. 
"I should have knocked on the door." Answered Michiru and reached for the
bathrobe. "Gomen nasai. I didn't want to embarrass you." She hang the bathrobe
around Haruka's shoulders who rose and went over to the bed. To get Hotaru into
her nappy, her pyjama and finally into the cradle to sleep for the next hours.
"I have nothing you didn't see before." Tried the blonde to tease and laid her
daughter carefully on the soft blankets. Then she reached for the nappy and the
pyjama. "Or at least, nothing special."
Michiru watched her for a moment in silence and remembered the scar that crossed
the whole belly. Before she knew what she was doing, she sat behind the tall
girl and had put her hands under the soft cloth of the bathrobe. It was dark
green and Elza chose it while she searched for a new swimming suit for herself.
Tenderly Michiru  stroked over the skin, felt goose flesh and the scar under her
finger tips.
Haruka didn't react. She only sat there, staring down at her daughter who
grabbed the nappy and pulled at it. Then she yawned and settled slowly into
sleep. Being half covered with the nappy and the soft towel. Haruka's eyes grew
wide but she couldn't turn away. It was such a gentle touch. So soft... almost
loving... It was such a long time that someone stroked her body. Her now so
ugly, disfigured body.
"Was it a very hard birth?" came Michiru's voice from somewhere far away. Haruka
gulped, still not able to move. Hardly able to breathe.
"It was okay." She whispered finally, still feeling those tender hands on her
skin. Touching the scar that made her ugly. But that made her damn proud at the
same time. "Himme-chan simply didn't want to get born. She laid wrong in my
belly and the doctors didn't want to risk anything. So they decided for a
caesarean and before I could react she was born. A cute, little girl." Haruka's
voice was husky but full of pride. "It was the most wonderful moment in my life
when I was allowed to hold her for the very first time."
Michiru didn't respond anything. She only stopped to caress the scar and wrapped
her arms around the slim body in front of her. Pulling the blonde a little bit
nearer.
"Don't worry, you won't lose her." She whispered after a long time, speaking
Haruka's deepest fears out loud. "I called up my parent's doctor. He's a
specialist. He knows what he does."
Michiru leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder and asked herself silently why
it felt so damn familiar. Why she didn't want to let her go. Shimatta! She only
knew her for two weeks. Okay, Haruka was Uranus, her partner by the stars and by
destiny, but this all couldn't happen so fast!
Am I really so lonely?
I can't push her like that!
But nevertheless she couldn't let go. Not so simply like that.
"We have an appointment with him on Friday afternoon. That's in two days. He
wants to make some tests with Hotaru and then decide what we can do best."
Michiru simply held Haruka tight who still didn't move. She only looked down at
herself, seeing the arms being wrapped around her body under the bathrobe. 
What is she doing?
Why does this feel so good?
Haruka had never been closer to a person. She tried it. The rude guy almost
killed her and Hikari pushed her away every time she tried to embrace her. To
hold her tight. The way Michiru did with her right now. Hikari had her reasons
for doing so. What were Michiru's reasons?
Is that important?
Haruka lowered her head and closed her eyes. Feeling again how damn lonely her
life became since her parent's death. Since Hikari left her in a cold night.
Little Hotaru was the light in her darkness, but she couldn't replace the family
Haruka wished so badly. Not all alone.
She doesn't know you. Remember that, Haruka. Once she will know who you've been,
who you still are, she will push you away. She will be disgusted once she knows
the truth. The ugly truth.
Haruka bit on her lower lip and gulped.
Right now she doesn't know.
Is it really worth the pain?
The pain that will surely follow after some moments of luck? False luck?
The pain of knowing that you will be alone forever? A loneliness you will surely
not able to bare once after you've felt how it can be to be together with
someone?
"I need to get Himme-chan ready for her cradle. She already sleeps..." Haruka's
voice was husky but she didn't notice it. Michiru felt how the body next to her
started slightly to tremble and blinked. And blinked again. Realising right in
that moment what she was doing.
"Gomen..." she whispered and let Haruka go. She missed the warm body immediately
and blushed because of the reaction of her own. "I didn't intent to..."
Haruka didn't answer. She helped her sleeping daughter in the nappy and the
light blue baby pyjama and brought her to bed. Then she started the musical box
Setsuna actually searched for her. It played an old children song Haruka forgot
the lyric over the years.
"Sleep well." She whispered and kissed redden cheeks. Hotaru only held her
dolphin tight and smacked in her sleep. She couldn't hear her mother's tender
words any longer.
Haruka knelt next to the cradle and felt how Michiru stepped behind her, also
looking down at the little baby.
"Is the meeting okay with you? Friday afternoon?" asked the rich girl and ran
her hands nervously through her sea green curls. 
"Of course." Haruka didn't look up. Slowly she rocked the cradle and hummed to
the musical box's melody.
"Don't worry, this doctor is one of the best in Japan."
Michiru wanted to squeeze Haruka's shoulder but somehow she didn't dare to touch
the other girl again. So she sighed slightly and went over to the door.
"Good night, Haruka."
Haruka didn't respond anything. She knelt there for another long while. The
musical box died slowly away and silence welcomed her. A silence that seemed to
strangle her. She gasped hard for breath and tried to ignore the panic raising
in her body. For the first time she was really afraid. Now that she had the
chance to let her daughter be operated she thought about the consequences. What
it would mean to cut into such a tiny body. What it would mean for little Hotaru
to experience all that pain. Surely they would give her pain killers, but Haruka
knew too well that even their powers were limited.
Haruka shivered and slowly went over to the bed. She had to sleep a little bit.
The next day would be another long day at school. She sat down on the soft
mattress, brought her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees.
Tears sparkled in her eyes as she looked over to the cradle. To the teddy bears
and the musical box.
She didn't want to think about what it would mean if the doctor would tell them
that Hotaru's chance to survive was tiny. Maybe that she had no chance at all.
That they were too late, because Haruka wasted the past two months for earning
money with a low-paid job that would have never been enough.
Please... don't let her die.
She lowered her head and sighed deeply. Not willing to let her tears fall.
Crying never changed anything. It only made her weak and so damn tiny.
I need her. She's the only light in my life. She's the only one who needs me.
Who loves me...
At that moment she heard the violin music. It came from Michiru's room. The
melody was slow and endless sad. Haruka gulped and closed her eyes. Again she
felt those soft arms being wrapped around her waist. Again she felt Michiru
being pressed against her back. Again she felt the comfort and the sympathy she
might confuse with other feelings if she stopped to think about it.
It had been such a nice touch.
It let her forget all her problems, all her doubts and all her fears for just a
small moment.
Baka! Stop dreaming and face reality!
The violin music went on, just like her own thoughts started to spin around. In
a direction she didn't like at all.
I've been too lonely for a time too long.
Haruka covered herself with a blanket and rolled herself to a ball. For a long
time she laid there. Simply there. Trying to think of nothing. Of nothing at
all. After what seemed to have been hours she finally found sleep. A restless,
exhausting sleep. Full of nightmares.
The violin music accompanied her the whole time. Trying to be there for her.
Trying to comfort her. Trying it all in vain.

***

School had been incredibly long. All the teachers seemed to have told them total
nonsense. All she wanted was to go home and to lay down and sleep.
Michiru sighed and held her violin case tighter. She had a rehearsal now. Elza
and Haruka had a special course, because their last English tests hadn't been as
good as the teacher expected them to be. They would take a taxi later to get
home. Setsuna wanted to make dinner this evening. Fish with chips. Of course
Elza would get red beans to her chips. With a lot of ketchup. Setsuna looked
sceptically every time but as long as Elza liked it, she would make it. The same
she never said a word when Michiru drowned her chips with mustard.
Does Haruka want to have cheese over her chips?
Michiru giggled at that thought but sighed deeply the next moment. Tomorrow was
the meeting with the doctor and she was really, really excited. She hoped that
the doctor could help little Hotaru. Otherwise Michiru didn't know what to do.
She couldn't just wait and sit until the little girl would die.
Michiru took a deep breath and forced herself to think of something else. The
doctor was a specialist, surely he could help Hotaru. And then everything would
be fine.
"Finally you are alone, dyke!"
The voice was low and came out of the nothing. Michiru winced and jerked around.
Someone grabbed her violin case and it landed in the dirt. But before she could
react, she was pushed against the wall of the gymnasium. Surprised she looked at
the girl who held her arms tight.
"I simply don't like your kind. I don't like to go with someone like you in the
same class."
"Then change classes." Snapped Michiru back and tried to free herself. But the
last night had been exhausting. She hardly slept. Then a long day at school, two
tests to write. Two long hours when she had to concentrate but could hardly. Her
head ached and her body screamed for sleep.
"I don't like it how those two girls like you. They deserve a better friend than
you!"
"Oh, you mean, they deserve someone like you?" Michiru struggled, but couldn't
free herself. Oh, if she could transform into Sailor Neptune, she would be
powerful enough to defend herself, but as Meioh Michiru she was simply weak.
"Shut up!" Tamara slapped her right into the face. "I hate you bloody dykes! You
think you are someone special, but you are all perverts! I won't let you infect
those other pupils, too! I won't..."
Michiru never got to know what Tamara didn't want to happen, because the next
moment she was gone. Or better, she laid on the ground. A shadow knelt over her.
Holding a broken milk bottle in the right hand.
>Leave her in peace!<
>But I already paid!<
>You got what you paid for!<
>No, I...<
>She is hurt, can't you see, you asshole? Now go, before I forget my manners.<
>Manners? What manners? You forget who you are, bitch!<
>Go or I will kill you!<
Haruka held the bottle in her right hand and Tamara's shoulder in her left one.
She sat over the girl who didn't have a chance. Who was too surprised to react.
Dark green eyes sparkled raging over her and the normally a little bit pale face
was deeply red. Suddenly the normally calm and nice girl who was very good in
math but not so good in languages looked very dangerous.
>Go away from her or I will kill you, you pervert!<
Again Haruka heard her own voice in her mind. Again she saw Hikari leaning
against the wall. With a torn shirt. It had been covered with blood. Again she
saw the thick man standing in front of her. Grinning. Grinning until she broke
his nose and his right arm.
"Never touch her again!" she gritted through her teeth and held the broken
bottle a little bit higher. She learned quickly how to make a weapon out of
anything. You needed that knowledge to survive hell. She survived it 13 months.
Incredibly long 13 months.
"Never!"
The next moment someone was touching her shoulder. She jerked around and looked
in blue eyes. They were big. Big with fear.
"It's okay, Haruka. Let her go." Whispered Michiru who trembled obviously. It
was not only the broken bottle that made her shiver. It was also Haruka's
determined expression. Determined to hurt Tamara. 
You don't know who she is nor do you know where she comes from.
Michiru gulped.
But she protected me. Isn't that her task as senshi? To protect the other senshi
and to find the talismans?
"Please, Haruka."
The blonde blinked. And blinked again. Then she nodded and stood up. Not looking
again at the still lying Tamara she threw the bottle into the next dustbin and
simply walked away. Suddenly she looked smaller than she originally was. And she
looked somehow broken. It was a picture that made Michiru's heart break.
She only wanted to help me.
Now she surely thinks that I am angry.
"What the hell was that?" whispered Tamara as she came to her feet. She gulped
and ordered her clothes.
"That's what you get for being so intolerant. If you don't like me, that's no
problem. Then try to find other friends. But leave me in peace, okay?" Michiru
grabbed her violin case and shortly looked at a pale Tamara again. "This is a
big world. We can both live on it, okay?"
Tamara didn't respond anything. But her dark eyes sparkled as Michiru ran away.
To find Haruka. She even cancelled her rehearsal, but she couldn't find her.

***

"Are you sure that they need another ten minutes?" Setsuna leaned against the
kitchen's table and watched critical how Elza looked into the oven.
"Surely. Ah! That's hot!" Elza spat out the chip she stole and looked miserable.
Setsuna only giggled.
"That's what you deserve, you greedy girl."
"Pah!" Elza showed her her sore tongue. "Otherwise you would serve raw chips!"
"Okay, I'll stop at the Italian restaurant when I'll drive you home and give out
an ice cream."
"Chocolate?"
"Of course."
"And lemon?"
"If you want."
"And melon?"
"Don't you think..."
"And coffee. And nuts. And nougat. And so many other nice sorts."
"You are really greedy, don't ya know?"
"Of course I know that." Elza grinned cheeky and came over to Setsuna. But
before she could response anything more, the door was opened and Michiru stood
there. Still holding her violin case in her hands. Looking a little bit out of
breath.
"Is Haruka at home?" she asked and stripped her jacket.
"Hai. We called a taxi two hours ago." Answered Elza and frowned. But Michiru
was already gone again. "Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with her."
"She takes school too seriously." Answered Setsuna and held Elza back who wanted
to look again into the oven. "And you don't take it serious enough."
"Hai, mommy." Giggled Elza and sat on the table next to the young woman. "Let's
wait for another ten minutes." The red haired girl thought shortly. "What do you
think, do we want to listen to some of your Country CDs? Ten minutes can be
long?"
Setsuna only shook her head. Terrified. She knew that some ten minutes could be
as long as ten hours.
"No way. The last time you tried to sing along."
"But I can sing. I once visited a school choir."
"As Donald Duck?"

***

"Haruka?" Michiru knocked. Then she entered the room. The tall blonde sat at her
desk, some books laid open before her. But it didn't look as if she achieved a
lot with her homework. Hotaru laid in her cradle and plaid with her dolphin. She
giggled silently as she saw Michiru. 
"Haruka?"
The blonde needed some moments, then she turned around. The look on her face was
a book with seven seals for Michiru but she wouldn't turn around and go now. She
wanted some answers. At least some.
"What's up? Is dinner ready?" Haruka wanted to concentrate again in her books,
but before she could turn around, some clothes laid in her lap. She raised them
and frowned. "A swim suit?"
"Hai. It's Setsuna's. It's a little bit too small for her, so it should fit
you."
"I have no intention in taking a bath."
Michiru rocked the cradle and smiled loving down at the little girl.
"But I think Himme-chan has."

***

Little Hotaru laughed happily as nice warm water surrounded her legs and her
waist. She stretched her hands and threw some tiny drops into the air. Soon her
fluffy dark hairs were damp. Just like her mommy's hairs. Haruka felt
uncomfortable in the dark swim suit. It was still too big. Especially around the
clipping. But to see her daughter as happy as now, it was worth it.
The blonde stood at the rim of the swimming pool and held her daughter carefully
in her hands. She would rather die than to let her go. Michiru was there, too.
She swam a little bit around before she came back to them. Laughing as Hotaru
tried to splash her and grabbed for her wet strands.
"What about dinner?"
"I told Setsuna that we'll eat later. You know, we have that magic machine. It's
called microwave oven."
Haruka only nodded and moved a little bit. Hotaru turned her tiny head towards
her and leaned it finally against her chest. Still playing with the water and
sea green strands.
"What happened today, Haruka? When you attacked Tamara?" asked Michiru after a
long time they watched Hotaru play with the yellow ducky. Dark green eyes
sparkled happily and she laughed silently.
"Tamara attacked you." Answered Haruka quietly and watched her daughter.
"I could have defended myself. But a broken milk bottle... I guess we both were
a little bit shocked." Michiru swam around Haruka and kept standing behind her
in the water. She put her hands on Haruka's shoulder and looked over it at the
little baby being safe and secure in her mother's arms. "I just wanted to tell
you that I am not angry with you, Haruka. Guess Tamara even needed that lesson.
It was just a little bit... extreme."
Haruka stiffed under her touch and held Hotaru a little bit tighter as the girl
grabbed the red ducky.
"I once had a good friend. She was ill and weak. I defended her against some
rude guys. Guess it was simply instinct."
"She was?"
"She died last year."
For a moment there was silence but Michiru didn't let go.
"I am sorry." Whispered the rich girl finally and tried to look into Haruka's
face. But the blonde lowered her head and shadows covered her eyes.
"It's okay. It was a bad illness. We all knew that she had to die soon."
"Nevertheless it's sad."
Michiru's voice sounded so honest. She hadn't known Hikari. But her condolence
sounded real. As if she knew what Haruka was talking about. Michiru looked at
Hotaru and gulped.
"Hotaru will be strong enough to defeat her illness."
"Hai, she will. Tenôs have always been fighters."
"I am sure."
For another long while they stood in the water, simply enjoying the presence of
each other.
"If you ever want to talk about it. I mean, about your dead friend or your
daughter's illness or... about your pregnancy, I will always listen. You are a
senshi, Haruka, but that doesn't mean that we can't be friends."
Friends...
It sounded so damn well. So fantastic. Haruka didn't have any friends during the
past fourteen months, since Hikari died. So long months she had felt lonely.
Very, very lonely.
Can I really trust her? Does someone like her want to be a friend of someone
like me? Can a princess and a beggar be friends?
"Is that okay for you? I mean, to be friends?"
Michiru gulped. She had hardly friends. Only Setsuna and Elza, but they were
more family than friends. She never needed friends. She had her music and her
drawings. And later on her life as Sailor Neptune, she had the mission to
complete. But somehow she wanted to be Haruka's friend. She wanted it so badly.
Not only because she was Sailor Uranus or someone who was a little bit the way
she had been eight years ago. She simply felt comfortable when Haruka was
around. She liked it to talk to her in the morning. To tease her around when she
was driving them all to school. To write little letters to her during the
lessons to make fun of the teachers. To do homework with her and to learn with
her. She simply loved it to watch Haruka feeding her daughter. Bathing her
daughter. Talking to her daughter. She didn't want to miss one of those moments
again. It was now only two and a half week that she found her again but for her
it seemed for a sudden as if her life hadn't been any different. As if her life
hadn't been completed before Haruka and Hotaru entered it.
"Is that okay, Haruka?"
The tall girl didn't respond anything. She held her daughter tight and closed
her eyes.
Can I trust her?
Can we both be friends?
Can she take away a little bit of my loneliness? Of my fears? Of my pains?
Maybe it wouldn't work. Maybe it was doomed to fail. Maybe it was just another
dream that would never become true. She would never know if she didn't try it.
Hotaru giggled happily and finally Haruka nodded.

***

"I can't believe that he only took five minutes! I mean, that guy has a time
machine and he only takes five minutes! Of course he's too late to save the
doc!" Elza jumped around on the couch and knocked over the crisp bag. "That's so
stupid!"
"Elza! Can't you be quiet? That scene is important!" whispered Setsuna who
searched secretly for a handkerchief as the main person died for the second time
in the movie they were watching. Hotaru laid in her cradle and slept deep and
tight. Setsuna and Elza sat or better, Elza jumped, on the couch while Michiru
and Haruka took the armchairs. They watched an old but still fantastic movie.
Haruka could remember having seen it before, but it was the first time for Elza
who had to comment everything.
"Nani? He isn't dead?" she screamed as the person opened his eyes again. "Wow!"
"Please, be quiet!" Setsuna sniffed in her handkerchief and kicked some crisps
away with her foot. Only to regret it when they stayed on her socket.
"Incredible! He read the letter!" screamed Elza out loud after some seconds of
silence. Setsuna whimpered tortured and rolled her eyes.
"Shut up, you death of my nerves! Just for once, shut up!"
"When you stop to cry! This is a comedy, not a tragedy. There's no reason to
cry!"
"I am not crying!" Setsuna tried to hide her handkerchief and sniffed
inconspicuously. "You must be dreaming."
"And you be... WOW! Look at that car, Sissy. That's a great thing!" Elza jumped
again over the couch and Setsuna let out a tortured sigh.
Michiru only giggled in her armchair. She knew the movie, too. She had liked it
a lot when she had been younger. But she came down when her sister asked her.
Because to watch Setsuna and Elza teasing each other around was better than
every movie could ever be on TV. She glanced over to Haruka who had to grin,
too. They both looked at each other and smiled before they continued to watch a
flying car and then of course Elza jumping around and screaming that she wanted
to have such a car, too.
This is how it should be.
Haruka sighed and for one moment she was able to forget her problems as Elza
stumbled over the crisp bag and landed on Setsuna who searched again for her
handkerchief.
This is how normal life should be.
Haruka glanced again over to Michiru who giggled amused and reached for the
popcorn.
Maybe it's only limited, maybe it's only a dream, but as long as it's possible,
I want to live that normal life. Together with that crazy family. Even if it
will never be mine. And together with my Himme-chan. My daughter I want to see
growing up. To a beautiful young woman. Leading the normal life I lost almost
three years ago.





***

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