Pockets Full Of Condoms von abgemeldet ================================================================================ Kapitel 2: Part 2 ----------------- Gilbird was hungry. And to him, France's eyes looked like a fresh earthworm as they glinted. Enough said. “Why does that creature look at me like that?” France asked awkwardly as the little bird hopped over the counter towards him. “It's not a creature,” Prussia retorted. “It's a combat chick. And maybe he tries to read your mind.” France blinked. “It can do that?” “Of course he can,” Prussia said proudly, swallowing a mouthful of beer. “I am the one who trains him after all.” “I don't thinks birds can-” Spain started but gasped instead, when suddenly the chick attacked France. And it was really an attack. Not even Prussia had seen that coming. Gilbird dashed into France's face, his sharp beak aiming at his left eye. “Aïe!” The blond shoved the bird away, whining. “Prussia! Did you also teach him to pick out one's eyes?” he asked and covered the left half of his face with his hand. The albino was bewildered. “No, I didn't... yet. Hey, he can teach himself! Well done, Gilbird!” “Well done, my arse! That creature aimed for my eye!” “Don't cry me a river, you've still one eye left!” France turned towards Spain. “Spain, my friend... You're on my side, aren't you?” Spain, not willing to answer that question, carefully pulled France's hand down to take a look at his eye. “Ah, he didn't hit the eye directly,” he said. “You won't go blind or anything.” Still unconvinced, France dug a little mirror out of his pocket and watched his reflection. There was only a little scratch under his eye. It didn't even bleed. Anyway- “MY FAAACE!” France cried and not few people turned their heads to look at them. “LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!” “It wasn't that beautiful to begin with,” Prussia muttered. “Not like mine...” France wanted to strangle him but the chick, now sitting calmly on Prussia's head and staring at him, scared him away. Instead, he hissed, “Ta mère!” “What?!” Prussia glared at him. He couldn't translate France's words but he was quite sure he'd just been insulted. “A-Anyway,” Spain cut them off before they could start a real fight. “You could use an eye patch to hide it, France.” Prussia snorted with laughter and France pulled a face. “Do I look like a pirate? Come on, eye patches are so unsexy!” “Yo ho,” Prussia commented, still laughing. Due to the alcohol, after two minutes they were sitting next to each other, France in the middle with his arms around their shoulders, swaying back and forth and singing the Pirate Song. “Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me. We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me hearties, yo ho! We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me hearties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me...” “You know...” France babbled after they had finished the song a second time, “we totally pwn England here by drinking and singing pirate songs... I kinda wanna rub his nose in it.” “Oookay!” Prussia got up from his seat, distinctly staggering. “Let's go and diss England! Kesesese...” He ran into a wall twice before finding the exit. England was already asleep when someone started to incessantly bang on the front door. “What the bloody hell...?” He blinked tiredly and sat up in his bed. Now he could even hear laughter. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table. It was 1 a.m.! “I hope it's not Sealand again, trying to be funny or something...” he muttered, opened the window and stuck his head out. “What do you-” He interrupted himself when he recognized the three persons in front of his house. “Oh no, not you guys. Leave me alone! Last time you came here was because Prussia had to throw up and-” “That's not very nice of you,” Prussia interrupted him before England could tell the whole story of that disgraceful evening a few weeks ago. “We only want to show you something!” “You woke me up! Whatever it is, I don't want to see it anyway.” And with those words, the window banged shut. But the Bad Friends Trio had to live up to their name. They ignored England's will. He wanted to lay down again when he heard a loud, cracking noise and the front door was burst open. “You can't escape from us,” France shouted in an odd singsong, giving England the creeps. “Th-That's not funny,” England stated angrily and came down the staircase to head the three of them off. “You destroyed my door?!” The remains of the wooden front door were spread all over the floor. It looked like they'd blown it away. “How...?” “Gilbird can let off a laser beam from his eyes, y'know...” Prussia explained collectedly. England blinked and omitted to believe that. “Get. Out. Of. My. House. Now.” “You're no fun at all,” France complained and made a pouting face. “We came all the way here to sing a song for you!” “You – what?” England cogitated. It wasn't his birthday, neither some special holiday he could think of. Not that anyone would have sung for him on these days. Nobody had ever sung something for him. A faint blush appeared on his cheeks. “I-I don't want to hear it! Go away!” But the three of them already started their chant. “Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me...” That was definitely not what he had expected. The red color in his face now didn't arise from embarrassment but from anger as they laughed but kept singing and Spain said, “Come on, England, sing along! You used to sing that everyday a few years back.” The way he said it was kind of carefree and displayed his lenient character. England backed off. “No way!” Now they drew nearer and in the dim light they looked kind of scary, chanting with deep voices now and grinning nearly mischievously... “H-Help me!” England cried towards his imaginary friends who stood besides him and – did nothing but stare. “Sing with us,” Prussia commanded as they paused between the last verse and the refrain. His crimson eyes seemed to glisten dangerously. Poor England was about to die at this point. He stepped back again, stumbling over... air. Anyway, he toppled over backwards and hit the wall with his head. An involuntary 'headwall'. He slumped to the ground, obviously unconscious. Spain, France and Prussia stopped singing. “Uhm...” Spain said. They were silent for a few seconds, then Prussia crouched down and poked England. “Is he dead?” “Wh-What? Are you implying that we killed England?” France asked panicky. Spain frowned and crouched down next to Prussia. “Evidently not. He's breathing. Probably just unconscious.” Again silence. Prussia and Spain raised, then France burst out laughing. “Let's strip him!” “No!” the other two responded in unison. “Aw, why not?” “Because it's gay,” Prussia stated. France looked at him and blinked. “So what?” In the end France got his way and undressed the unconscious nation except for his underwear. (Prussia insisted. “Because cute little Gilbird shouldn't have to see such a thing!”) When he had finished, he stood up, looking at the others in excitement. “What are we going to do next?” Spain shrugged. “We could make him a mummy. You know, wrap him in toilet paper. I guess it would be funny.” Prussia and France were immediately on fire. They rifled through England's closets, finding a lot of interesting and things, but no toilet paper anywhere besides two rolls of it in the bathroom. But that surely wouldn't be enough. It was Prussia who eventually came up with the idea. (And retrospectively, after listening to the whole story, Germany concluded that all three of them were to blame for Prussia and Spain being imprisoned.) “Let's break into a drugstore and just steal some!” “That's criminal,” Spain started, but France and Prussia were already on their way outside. “It would be if we were human,” France explained factually. “But those rules don't apply to us.” Finding a drugstore and then breaking the door open wasn't very difficult – thanks to Gilbird and his laser beam. Once the door was open, the chick spread its wings and flew away. Prussia watched it disappear, waving. “Good night, Gilbird!” “Where is it going?” France asked warily. “Home,” Prussia answered and entered the drugstore. Either it had no alarm system or it was one that informed a nearby police station without making any noise. The three nations didn't think about it. “He's tired.” France cocked his eyebrows. “How do you know?” “Telepathy.” And after that, France decided not to ask any more questions about Gilbird. Ever again. From somewhere between the aisles at the farther end of the store he could hear Spain make a delighted “Aw!” sound. “What is it?” he asked, drifting along the aisles. “They've got tomato juice!” France gave a laugh and Prussia, prowling somewhere near the cash register, said, “Good for you.” A few minutes later it was France who enchanted. “Condoms!” Prussia appeared at the end of the aisle. “Where?” “Here.” France pointed at the shelf in front of him. “Ah, I have to refresh stores anyway...” And then he began shoving condom packages into his pockets. Prussia came nearer, seeming a bit wary and eying France suspiciously. “What?” The blond asked him, smiling overconfidently. “I need that much.” Prussia couldn't just leave it at that. “W-Well, me too!” he retorted and began to eagerly stuff his pockets with condoms. “I need even more than you! An awesome guy like me is always desperately wanted, after all... Thanks to my irresistible sex appeal!” France's eyes narrowed a bit, then he clicked his tongue and picked more. “I don't think you need more than me,” he replied with a wintry smile. “Yes I do.” “You don't.” “Yes.” “No!” “YES!” “NO!” Both of them kept shoving condoms into their pant and coat pockets while furiously shouting at each other. Meanwhile, Spain went around calmly, drinking tomato juice and humming the Pirate Song. His back was turned towards the door so he didn't see police car approaching the store until it was already too late. “I DO NEED MORE THAN YOU!” “NO, I NEED MORE THAN YOU!” They started to fight seriously now, beating the the living daylights out of each other. Condoms were tossed all over the store. Somehow – and God knows why -, France pulled off Prussia's shoe, raised and held it up like an odd kind of trophy. “I need more! Ha!” “No, you-” “What are you doing here?” Spain turned around – facing a very angry looking police officer. “Oh – hi. Tomato juice?” He offered some, but the officer didn't want it. At the same moment, however, Prussia and France stared at the two cops who had just arrived and while Prussia was still trying to find the right words, France cast himself aside and dashed through the window to get outside. “What the-?!” Prussia didn't want to believe his eyes as he saw France running away into the darkness, laughing loudly and still holding up the shoe. “Y-YOU BASTARD! STAY HERE!” He wanted to run after him but the second cop had already got a hold of him. Prussia and Spain were arrested because of trespass, willful damage of property and attempted thievery. “... And that's why we were in jail,” Prussia finished. “Do you see how this is all France's fault?” Germany, who'd been silent the whole time, now sighed tiredly. “I feel sorry for England,” he muttered. Prussia frowned. “Is that all you have to say? Hellooo, I am the victim here! They didn't even let me keep the condoms!” His brother blushed and said nothing. “So,” Prussia's facial expression turned serious. “Now that you've heard the story – can we get him out of the trunk and run him over?” Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)